Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Are we making ourselves sadder?
A post i have been meaning to write about for weeks but have never found the time or the right way to formulate my thoughts is, do we purposely make ourselves sadder?
I believe that sadness, just like happiness is a form of addiction. You get used to feeling sad, it becomes your comfort or your wall around you. Sadness becomes your normal, just like how it is with depression, you almost forget how it is to be happy. To feel anything other than the heavyness and greyness...... but then there come moments in life where you laugh and feel happy, and it feels strange. It's like a new feeling, but it feels too strange... it feels wrong. How can you be happy when you are supposed to be sad? How and why do you smile when there is usually no expression on your face. You begin wondering, are you even worth being happy? Are you allowed to be happy? What is the point in being happy if things are likely ot turn sooner or later. You question your feelings and your happiness and make yourself even sadder.... making it harder to feel happy the next time because you feel you arent worth it or there is no point.
You believe you are the sad person, and the sad feelings becomes your addiction and identitiy. You feel you dont deserve to be happy or that there is no point to be happy.... your thoughts and analyzing are what makes you sad. You dont allow yourself to enjoy that happy moment without feeling guilty over it, thinking its wrong. Or even wondering.... will people around me suddenly think i am happy now and that i amnt struggling?
But you know what, you can be depressed or struggling and still smile and laugh at times. You dont need to walk around constantly being sad and feeling sad.... sad is NOT your identity. Instead of analyzing the moment of your feelings, allow yourself to feel the way you do. Be happy.... trust me, more positivity and joy will come out of it. Being happy and allowing yourself to be happy is part of recovery of as well. You are worth and allowed a happy life, you dont always need to be sad. Life is not enjoyable when you are sad and it is even less enjoyable when you feel you dont deserve to laugh, have fun or be happy. Those three things are what make life great.... to be able to laugh freely, smile and have fun without second guessing it, without analyzing it afterwards and then feeling guilty because you 'showed another side of you'. Its not happy or sad, you can be both and you know what... you can be both at the same time. But your goal should be to get rid of the sadness completely, not let the sadness pull you deeper into negative thoughts, to keep you feeling sad. But instead to feel extra happy, do things that make you feel happy without feeling guilty for it and begin to focus on positiivity and happiness instead of sadness.
I dont know if this post even makes sense, but it's been on my mind for a while.... how sometimes we don't allow ourselves to be happy. Our thoughts stop us and believe that we arent worth it or that there is no point. But we can't let our thoughts/minds stop us from being happy or positive, because those two things are awesome and should be your goals in life!