Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Wandering around Gothenburg

Good evening everyone :)
What an extremely long day today, i am ready to just go to bed and try to sleep atleast 8 hours, haha. But today has been a really good day. We left the hotel around 11am and then began wandering around Gothenburg. I actually really like the town... it is so small and cute and i began thinking, I could live here. If i were to get a job in Gothenburg, an apartment somewhere nice and close to some form of forest and close access to the actual town, then  i could move here. Take Daisy with me and study and work here. The people are so much calmer than in Stockholm and i like that... i am quite a stressful person so then when i am in Stockholm and everyone else is really stressed i get even more stressed and it's not a good combo. But here i felt so calm, mostly, though of course its summer time and there were alot of people everywhere for a while. But that cant always be avoided.
I like Gothenburg and i defintely want to come back, could even be a place i want to live/study!

But back to my day... we stopped at a cafe and ate lunch while sitting in the sun and then went to a park and just rested while listening to music. When we got back to the hotel we realised that we had both gotten badly sunburnt and had some very 'nice' tanlines, hahahah. Thats the worst about summer, all those fancy tanlines and looking like a lobster to begin with :)
   Then when we headed out to go for dinner, planning to go back to the same restaurant as yesterday (Because it was sooo good and the sweet potatoe fries were amazing there!), it was fully booked and no table availble until around 11pm, and it was the same for many of the other restaurants because Sweden was playing in the final football match, so everyone wanted to watch that. Finally we found a place and both feeling tired and hungry, we took the first best place and thought it would be good.... though i was not so satisfied with what i ordered. A tiny piece of chicken, some potatoes and a weird tasting sauce.... i ate it all because i was so hungry but it didnt taste so good and wasnt as filling as i had hoped for so afterwards i went into a foodstore to get some snacks which i could eat to fill me up some more :)

All in all a really nice day, though a long one. Tomorrow we are heading home but we have half the day to spend doing something and wandering around anyway which is good :)

How mcuh exercise is too much? How much do you need to rest?

How do you know when you have don't 'too much'? Or you need rest? Some times I get the feeling as if I'm out of control with exercise and sports and don't know when to stop and never feel completely satisfied with how much I've done. How much rest a week do you think is 'healthy' or 'normal'

When you begin to exercise you often need more rest as your body is not used to exercising so you can feel more training pain and extra tiredness. Though as you begin to exercise more you can find its harder to tire yourself out as well as not feeling as much DOMS, which can lead people to think that they didnt workout enough, But DOMS usually just happens when you do something different and shock your muscles, if you dont get it it doesnt mean that you didnt workout hard enough.

How long should a workout be...? That depends on how you are feeling at the moment and what you are doing. Somedays i just do a 30/40 minute workout where i just do deadlifts or certain exercises, other times i have lots of energy and i do intervals, 80 minutes strength training followed by headstands and stretching and the whole workout takes 2 hours or more. That doesnt mean i am overdoing it that day, it just means i have more energy. But generally speaking you dont need to do more than an hour... i would stick to 30-90 minutes, as more isnt really necessary. (But remember a 20 minute walk/20 minute yoga session/20 minute run etc etc is STILL EXERCISE AND A WORKOUT.)

I would recommend 2-3 rest days a week for best results and maximal energy each workout :) How many rest days i take per week depends on different factors.

If you find that you always want to do more and more then i would recommend that you workout with someone else. Or make a workout plan which you follow and stick to that and not do 'too much'. Instead try to listen to your body... it can be tough because we are always told that 'more is better', that you are supposed to be tired, its supposed to be hard. But sometimes its too hard and not a good hard, but an exhausted tired and hard.
 A good way to know if you arent resting enough is if you feel that your progress is going backwards and you feel more tired or feel that you arent capable of as much as you could do then you know that your body needs more rest. 

Remember that rest is important and it is part of a normal and healthy workout plan, so dont skip it. If you find that you cant rest then you need to ask yourself whether your attitude to exercise is healthy or not.

Below are some posts which might be helpful for you:
Feeling like your workout wasnt good enough
Beginning to workout again
Let yourself relax
Finding balance with exercise
Exercise addiction - masterpost
Listening to your body
Urge to exercise

How to cope on Blah days

1. Recognise that it’s a feeling – and our moods go up and down. Shrug your shoulders, grit your teeth and choose to make it through the day. Nothing’s really wrong – and there is nothing wrong with you. It’s just the way you’re feeling – and our feelings usually change.
2. Don’t be hard and condemn yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling miserable and blah, or for feeling apathetic and low on energy. Be patient, understanding and gentle with yourself. You’re no worse than others as we ALL have blah days
3. Do something rather that nothing. Do a few mindless tasks so you don’t just waste the day – and you’re likely to feel better once those you’ve got those out the way as they’re usually the things that you never want to do!
4. Only do as much as you have to. It’s going to take all your strength just to make it through the day. Preserve your energy – and allow some things to slide. You can always get round to them another day.
5. Be extra nice to yourself. One of the best ways to fight a bleary day is to be nice to yourself and to do the kinds of things that help to lift your mood and to brighten up your day. For example, go out for a coffee, or have a bubble bath, turn up your favourite music or call a bunch of friends. Do all the kinds of things you know will help to boost your mood.
6. Remind yourself that it’s likely to pass. A bad day is just a day. It’s not the whole of your life. It just means that right now you want to crawl back into bed. It doesn’t mean your goals are wrong or that you won’t succeed in life! You’re just having a bad day – and it’s likely to pass.

Source: onlinecounsellingcollege:

Tuesday morning and talk about bad body image days

Good morning :)

Its a new day and the sun is shining here in Sweden and its expected to be around 15-20 degrees and sun :) Yayy!! Sunshine and good weather always put me in a good mood :)

However mentally i am having one of those awful body image days. Its strange how quickly it can go when you look in the mirror... from one second thinking you look good and feeling great/happy and suddenly you look a little too closely or a little too long and all these thoughts start popping up in your head. Negative thoughts about my body, myself, my personality.... like every little flaw, every negative thing about myself starts swirling around in my mind. Today is one of those days where i just dont feel good in my body at all, and would prefer to not do anything, not be around anyone.... but that is just silly thoughts. 
  Why am i writing this? Well, too show that bad body image days can still happen even after you recover. You can still have days where you feel down about your body image, feel like your 'too big' but the important thing is to not let those thoughts control you. These thoughts might take up some place in my brain today, but i am going to push past them. Be as positive and happy as possible and not let these thoughts stop me, but also keep eating like normal. These thoughts will pass and i will be back to my normal thinking and feeling positive in my body :)

My best tips for when you feel like this:
Try to avoid the mirror and avoid looking at yourself too much. It doesnt help... fat isnt a feeling, its something else. Maybe im a little tired, everything is new and different and i am doing so much more so need to make sure i get enough energy, because often when i am very low on energy then i can get these types of thoughts. So when you get the 'fat feelings' and not feeling good in your body, make sure to eat enough ,get enough rest and do nice things for yourself. Think positive thoughts, even if its just something simple like... my hair doesnt look so bad. Or some other positive thought which is the first step to changing your thoughts :)

Anyway, i have the habit of writing too much about things i hadnt planned on writing about - the nice thing about having a blog and just writing your thoughts!

Our plans today are to wander around Gothenburg and take the day as it comes/do what we feel like doing :)

Below you see my load up breakfast for the day!!

The looks i got when i sat there with 2 plates and  bowl of yoghurt infront of me XD i dont think people thought i could eat it all XD Though really, its not that much food and i am aware of that!

Monday, June 29, 2015

Important reminders

Be the person you needed when you were younger.

  • Always say yes to seeing friends
  • Eat breakfast every day
  • Recognize that positive change rarely happens overnight
  • Accept the fuck-ups, but try not to let them happen again
  • There is a song to remedy every situation on the planet
  • Appreciate the people in your life
  • Look for the good in everything
  • Try new things and try them often
  • Treat yourself as well as you treat others

Eating disorders are not a choice. Recovery is.

A day at the theme park (with lots of photos)

Hello :)

Trying to think of a clever introduction and way to start this post, but nothing is coming to mind. So instead, this will be my introduction! 

A whole day at the theme park is what i have been doing all day, and the time has passed by so quickly! We ate breakfast at 8.30am and were in the theme park by 9.30am as we had bought early access though once we got there we realised that only half the theme park was open so most of the big rides werent accessible yet. Though we got to ride the 'helix' which was a super awesome and fun ride, and one of the biggest attractions at the park. And we're glad that we got to ride it so early because by the time the park opened the queues ranged from 50+ minutes and that just isnt worth it.

During the morning it started raining which made it a little miserable, but it was just to smile and be happy and by the afternoon there was sun!!

So many different rides and they were so much fun. The ones that swing and turn and go up and down are my favourite :) Do you like the theme park? What is your favourite ride?

After we went on one of the 'boat' rides where you got splashed with water we decided to go for lunch and i ate a salmon salad with bread. Which tasted absaloutly amazing, though i felt how my energy was draining and my body needed salt, sugar and caffeine as well as water. By 5pm we felt we were done and ready to go back to the hotel, so i went on one last ride, bought myself some chocolate and then went back to the hotel where i enjoyed my little tub of chocolate as well as drinking 2l of water and getting some caffeine into me! 
    The hours pass so quickly when you are having fun, though i havent felt tired at all, but my body is reminding me to pause and eat, so easy to forget when you travel and are busy doing things. But its important to eat snacks, and i personally believe its better to eat something than nothing at all. I.e extra chocolate as i know i need the energy :)

Anyway, too much talking when it really isnt that interesting. Instead you get to see some loads of photos :)

Ohhh i also wanted to add that the big 'ferris wheel ride' was the absaloute worst ride at the park. Not even the turning, looping, swinging, crazy rides were that bad, they were just fun. But the ferris wheel that was sooo high and went around 3 times was the absaloute worst and i sat there with my anxiety on top. I have a huge fear of heights and find it extremely uncomfortable to be up high and look down and seeing how high i am is the absaloute worst thing. So i just laughed and laughed, not sure if i was laughing because of anxiety or terror or joy.... but it was awful, and the fact that we stopped right at the top. And it went around 3 times... not once. Worst ride and it didnt even go fast!!!

10 am in the morning!

^^Worst ride!

Ă‚fter helix.... hahah

After my first spinning, crazy, up and down ride. (I have a video of this ride which i will post once i get a chance to upload it:))

^^After the 'boat' ride... it was time for lunch and try to get warm