Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, May 4, 2015

You need to find what your "actual" problem is and fight it.

"A girl at school struggling with anorexia told me today, “I’d always wanted to be the skinny friend. But now that I’m skinny, I don’t have any friends.” And this, here, is the reality of eating disorders. " Source

I saw the following ^^ online and it is very true.  My goal was never to be the skinny friend though, i had always been the 'skinny friend' however as i became sicker i isolated myself as well as not having the energy to socialize. I stopped keeping in contact with my friends as i didnt have the energy for it, i didnt want to meet them and have to be put in a situation where i had to eat. I was happy just living in my bubble, me and my eating disorder. I even pushed my sister and dad away and there was only so much my mum could handle. But she was my rock, she never gave up on me even when i gave up on myself. Most people left my side when i was sick, i had no one to talk to. It didnt help that we moved country and i didnt start school until more than a year later, but even then i didnt really have friends. 

I can tell you from my own experience, all those things you dislike about yourself, they WONT go away by losing weight. By starving yourself, purging or running away your hate. It doesnt work like that.... they will still be there. The self hate will just get worse. Losing weight doesnt solve your problems, not eating doesnt solve your self hate or anxiety. It just makes it worse. Instead you need to deal with the actual problem. Focus on self love and loving yourself. If someone needs to lose weight for the right reasons, does it for health reasons then weightloss doesnt have to be a bad thing. But if you are trying to lose weight to try to 'fix a problem', especially when that problem is a mental problem... then it wont go away or be fixed like that.

If you are struggling with an eating disorder, or beginning to struggle... then talk to someone. Start to find what your actual problem is... what is it you are running from? Scared to face?

  For me, i had low self esteem issues, i disliked myself, i was very critical over myself as well as fearing the future. I thought i wasnt worth anything, i thought it would be better if i was dead, and my fear of the future, feeling like i had no control over life lead to me controlling my food and exercise. A way to control my life... but that didnt help, i needed to learn that life can not always be controlled. But what i can do is control my actions and reactions. I can learn to be spontaneous and not panic because things don't go the way i want. I also had to learn to love myself, to not be so self critical. To know that i do my best and that is all i can do whether that means getting a D or an A. Learning to not be scared of failure and also learning that i dont need to push myself to the extremes, that there is infact a thing called balance. And over the years, during recovery that is what i had to learn and work with... because it was not weightloss that solved those problems, it was not controlling my food or exercise that made those problems go away.
  It was when i realised i had those problems and decided to change them and overcome those things that i actually began to feel happy and content in my life and in myself.

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