Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

"What happens if I don't want to make a change?"

In my posts i often say, "Make a change." To find the courage, motivation and strength to change your life or change the situation in which you are in to make it better. If you dont like your life, then change it.

But what happens if you don't want to change? Inside you know that what you are doing is wrong, you know that you shouldnt be doing X, or that X is wrong, but still... you are comfortable with it. As long as nobody knows what you are doing, as long as nobody interferes in your life or your routines then you feel fine. Even if somedays are hell, somedays you wish you could just change you feel too scared to make a change and feel comfortable with your life.

What do you do then, if your behaviours are ones that are disodered, if your mind is sick but you are not ready to make a change? If you have already decided that you dont want to change, it is very hard to suddenly come along and make you want to change your life and your habits. From personal experience, no matter what people told me.... though there wasnt so much recovery motivation at the time that i was recovering. Most of it was just trying to get me to eat, rest and gain weight and the mental bit and talking was very much forgotten, as well as not accepted by my side. I didnt actually start making a change to my life until i hit rock bottom, but even then i wasnt 100% recovery. It was small steps, ones which people often didn't notice such as actually using the whole tsp of butter on the bread or not spilling milk or not secretly exercising. Small things which were recovery successes for me, but no one actually noticed. It wasnt always easy to try to change my life, to fight against the voice in my head, especially as my eating disorder was some sort of comfort. There were days i did everything wrong and then days that went super, and over time there were more good days than bad days. But it was a long process of changing my life.... i didnt always want to make the change, but i made them.
 
If you feel comfortable where you are, but you know that you have disordered habits then ask yourself...
What will happen if people find out about your disordered habits? 
What will happen if nobody finds out about your disordered habits? 
What are the consequences of your disordered habits ?(Because yes.. starvation/binging/Purging/laxative abuse/over exercising/self harm etc they all have consequences) 
Can you really imagine yourself living with these disordered habits for the next 10-20 years?
 What is so scary about making a change?
What is the worst thing that could happen by trying to fight your disordered habits?

Dont be a functional sufferer. Even if you may feel like you dont need to change, like your 'habits' arent so bad or that it is too scary to change, be honest with yourself..... is this really how you want to live your life? And if the answer is Yes.... well then thats how you will live your life and maybe in 5 or 10 or 15 years you will realise you want to change. Or maybe you never realise you want to change, its not always an easy decision to make or implement. But a life without disordered habits and without an eating disorder is a much better life than one with an eating disorder!



1 comment:

  1. Thank you Izzy, this is such a great post! <3 and the difference between the pictures of then and now is striking. You look so much hapier and healthier than you did and so beautiful <3

    A problem I am struggling with now, is that I have gained weight but the doctors want me to gain more, and people have said to me "you look so much better now you have gained weight".. I myself don't see that, of course, and secretly think I looked alot better before I gained weight.

    My doctor still says I need to gain more weight and I am terrified of doing this because I think that if I look "normal" to others around me now, than I will look "chubby" if I gain any more weight. And so I've sort of resorted to certain ED haits and behaviours in order to prevent any further weight gain. I'm still hanging on to my eating disorder and I still feel very unhappy in myself, but I am too afraid to let go and gain more weight. :(

    sorry this is such a long comment izzy :( I hope you have a lovely day! x

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