Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Monday, May 18, 2015

Recovery questions - Lanugo hair, weight distribution, family therapy

I was wondering, did you ever get a lot of lanugo (fine hair) on your face and body? I'm already about 6 months into recovery but I still have a lot of fine hair on my face and was wondering whether you ever had any problems with this and how long it took to get rid of?

I was actually thinking about this a short while ago - yeah i got lanugo hair when i was sick - and i dont actually think it went away. Or in some way it has as its not as much/visible but i still have alot of light/fine hair.  However its not really noticable unless you look closesly. For most part the 'lanugo hair kind of disappears/falls off... not sure how, but when your body doesnt need the hair to keep you warm its not necessary to have it. And if it doesnt go away, you can always shave and if you are a healthy weight hopefully the hair shouldnt grow back as it's  not necessary hair.

how many kg did you gain per month while your time at mando? and how was is at home?
I wasnt allowed to see the scale when i was at Mando so i dont know how much i gained each month, but the goal was 0,-1kg per week, so roughly 2-4kg per month. However there were weeks i didnt gain weight despite eating what i should, and there were weeks i actually lost weight which was due to different factors. So it happened where some months i hadnt even gained at all because it had just been +/- 
  And while i was at home i dont really know how much i gained either, but the first few times when i was a day patient i would lose weight each week i was at home and then a few weeks later end up as an inpatient again. But then during my last time as a day patient and when i began going to school again my weight gain pretty much stopped, i was in half recovery stage and i didnt want to gain anymore weight. I knew i was sick, but not as sick as i used to be so i stopped following Mandos rules and the meal plan. And then began losing weight again until i was given an ultimatum by my case manager and began gaining weight... so thats why from April 2011 until August 2012 to gain the 20kg i needed to reach ahealthy weight... but if i had actually gained weight each week it wouldnt have taken so long.

 It may sound completely ridiculous but I know I need to gain more weight, I'm okay with that except there's one thing really bothering me. The chubby cheeks that come along with it. I just hate the way my face looks at a normal weight and also my stomach seems to get all the weight gained. How can I get over this? 
 Everybody holds weight differently, so if your face is the part of your body that holds more 'weight' there isnt so much you can do about that.  But you wont necessarily look the way you looked before you had an eating disorder... the body changes, you grow and you will look different.
  Try not to worry about these small things, instead focus on reaching your healthy weight and trying to love yourself along the way. We all have our insecurities and things we dislike about ourselves/our appearance, but its those we need to work extra hard at to love. So dont let something small like the way your face will look, stop you from reaching your goal of healthy and recovered!

have you ever had a family therapy? did it help to get a better family 
No i havent. Though i was going to start this family treatment centre where not only i was an inpatient but my mum and sister as well. The hospital believed that it was my mum's fault that i had an eating disorder, that she had done something wrong and that i was like a child, incapable of making decisions and there was no point in listening to me at all. It's safe to say that neither myself nor my mum liked that form of treatment - though I was nearly forced to go there (as i wasn't allowed to go to  Mando anymore, i was in severe need of treatment and wasnt allowed home, and there was no other treatment centre in Stockholm).
   I dont personally believe the family 'treatment' method works, but with family therapy.... it can work. But it depends on the family, i don't think it is for everyone.... but can be an opportunity for the sick person to help their family understand what they are going through, whats in their mind.. have a therapist who can support them and also help the parents during the tough time. Because it is tough for the parents as well. It can definitely be something positive and something that brings the family closer when you talk about your problems and try to solve the problems instead of standing and screaming at each other. But it is very individual and it might work for some families, might not for others... but if your family are willing it can be a good idea!! If it doesnt work, then it's just to try something different or try individual therapy.


  1. For the cheek person: mine didn't come back! There was only one year of being underweight and after that, when I was finished with my weight restoring, the cheeks never came back.

    However, it may seem like that they are growing in the first gains in the beginning of the recovery But! No matter if it had been an illusion or water retention, it ended soon - at least for me. Of course there is the chance that it just is the way your body is and the cheeks will return - like Izzy said - but they actually can be very pretty in other's eyes and perhaps sooner or later in yours, too.

  2. For the girl worrying about her cheeks - try to relax, this is a VERY NORMAL part of recovery!!! When you are becoming weight-restored, the weight initially goes to the tummy and often the face (you may notice hands and feet looking "puffy" too). Totally normal, totally temporary! It may take a number of months, but once the body is healthy and used to CONSISTENT food intake, this calms down and your weight will redistribute more "normally". Honestly, this is just one of the sucky, unfair parts of recovery that you need to push through, because it does end. Yes, of course you will be bigger all over with a healthy weight versus the sick weight you're used to, but it will settle into a proportionate distribution given time and consistent effort. The best thing for this period of time? Comfy clothes and less mirror time! Stay strong :)

  3. Hello, you are right that your face will look abnormally puffy which can be misconstrued as "fat". the puffyness of the face in the beginning in the beginning of recovery is actually the parotid glands swelling in your face as they try to get back to normal after all the purging. It WILL get better.