Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, May 31, 2015

My life is not perfect - my recovery was not perfect (thought post)

Something which I hate that i have to do, but have had to do it several times before is to defend myself and my life.

Something which i get accused of through my blog - and i dont know whether it is positive or negative - is that i have a perfect life. That i only recovered because i got help, because i have a family around me and because i have friends. But this irritates me alot when i hear this... its almost like the person downplays my recovery... as if i didnt have it tough, though i know thats not what the person means. But the fact is.... my life NOW, is not at all how it was when i was sick.

Basically we moved to Sweden because the help i was getting in Ireland was making me more sick. My mum saw that i was getting more sick and the chances of me recovering there were slim, so she decided to leave behind her job and businness she had spent years working on. To leave friends, our house and all our furniture so that I could get the help i needed in Sweden. This of course makes me very lucky, because the first treatment centre you go to might not be the best. And not everyone has the chance to try another treatment centre or to move somewhere else to get the help they need. But moving wasnt easy... leaving everything behind. For me personally it was very easy, i didnt want to stay in Ireland and i had detatched myself from friends and all belongings so it didnt matter to me. I just didnt want to be stuck in that hospital anymore.

However when we moved to Sweden it was another difficult journey. We had nowhere to live, my mum found it hard to work as she had to try to care for me as well as start up a new yoga business in Sweden, so financially we were in a very bad situation which made it very hard for me to recover as well as i felt even more guilty for eating as it was tough financially. I had no friends.... i talked a little to people i met at Mando but it wasnt until i started the school i go to now (in autumn 2012) that i made some friends. But it took several weeks after starting the school that i actually made friends.... during 2012 i was close to relapsing as i was feeling so depressed and lonely because after all my hard work to recover and be healthy and still i couldnt make friends. Yes i am shy and an introvert.. it did make it hard for me to make friends. So if you are feeling jealous or think i am lucky to have friends... that is because i found the right ones. It wasnt easy for me i had thought about changing school or doing an online school because i felt so lonely in the beginning.

And when it comes to my boyfriend. Well i spent many years thinking no one would ever like me and i would be forever alone.  But then January 2015 i decided to try an online site and we beagn talking and we clicked... so dont think that you will be forever alone or no one will like you, because that isnt the case.

And when it comes to having a perfect life or perfect family. That is certainly not the case... but i CHOOSE what i post on here. Not every detail of my life is posted here.  I've gone through things, ive experienced things and been through tough times which havent been mentioned on here because not every personal detail has to be mentioned.  So if it seems like i have some type of perfect life, that is not the case.
  But it is also the fact that i choose to always be positive and happy (98% of the time anyway!) Which then makes it easier for me to turn things around to the positive, to see the positives even in negative situations so it seems like everything is always great!!

Everyone is different and everyone goes through tough times. Some people have better circumstances than others... but like the quote goes 'just because someone has it worse than you doesnt mean your pain doesnt count'.
Yes having support and family around you when you are sick makes recovery that little bit easier. Just like having a treatment centre which can help you. But the first treatment centre i went to didnt help at all... and after a year of treatment at Mando i was going to be kicked out (but eventually got to carry on with their treatment for another year and a half until i was declared healthy). My family and support i had around me was my mum and she was pretty much ready to give up on me as well..... my sister found it very difficult to be around me, but she did still visit me in hospital. But there was no one else... so its not like i had some super support system. I was alone alot of the time which made it very difficult.
What i find is that when some of my readers try to tell me that i only recovered because i had treatment and support - it sounds more like a way for the person to give themselves reason why they cant and shouldnt try recovery. It does help to have support and treatment, but you can STILL recover without it. You shouldnt compare yourself to me or think that i only recovered because of those two factors... that was not the case. The hard work came from ME. It was me who decided to eat when i was alone, me who forced myself to rest when i was alone, it was me who made myself change the small habits which no one knew i had, it was me who faced my fear foods. So the hardwork comes from the person recovering... because treatment and family are just a way of SUPPORTING you, trying to make you do the right thing. But i know from experience, its still easy to relapse, cheat and continue in the same disordered habits even when you have those two things around you. So dont give yourself a reason why you cant recover because you CAN whether you have support or treatment around you or not.

Dont compare your recovery to anyone elses and dont compare your life to mine!! What i post on my blog is what i choose to post, its not everything i do, think or see!!

**I just felt i needed to get this off my chest**


  1. I have seen these types of comments on your blog before too Izzy and wondered whether they bothered you. NobodNobody has a perfect life. After following your journey through sickness, recovery and after recovery, I can see that all of the good things you have in your life you completely deserve because you worked incredibely for them. <3

    1. Thank you for being so genuine, Izzy! Your words are beautiful.

      Do you mind if I ask - does your boyfriend know of your past? If he doesn't know, will you tell him one day?


    2. To fight anorexia:

      Usually I don't mind those types of comments it's just recently I have gotten quite a few emails about it... so thought it was a little irritating to answer the same thing several times. And thank you so much!! Stay strong!

    3. To J.

      As far as I am aware he doesn't know. .. but If he has Googled my name then I'm sure my blog comes up. But I do plan to tell him face to face :)

    4. That's something I struggle with - don't know if I should tell my boyfriend about the dark side of me. Although I really want to be honest!

      I wish you all the best with him, no matter what he knows about you :-) that'll only prove how much he cares!

      J x

  2. Have you thought of taking away the option for people to be anonymous? It would mean you'd be able to block people who criticize you for living life on your own terms! :) I do recognise the irony of my anonymity ;)

    1. I have thought about it, but there is so much more positivity than negativity so it's ok... Even if sometimes there are some negative comments.

  3. if you had all the support in the world around you but you didnt want to recover yourself then you would not. its mainly about YOUR MINDSET. if only others could see that :) I, for example, could say That i didnt have any support, but here I am. Fully recovered and happy as ever ;)

  4. Yes Izzy! Doesn't matter what support someone has/ got, the change has to come from them, I totally agree. It's like you wrote in another post- no matter what everybody is telling you, you have to want to be healthy for yourself (something like that if I remember). Support does help, but it doesn't do all the work for that person. Glad you keep being positive ;D

  5. I echo the above sentiments that the #1 factor for recovery is THE DESIRE TO RECOVER. You can have the best treatment, the most loving family, and everything that money can buy - but if you don't want to get healthy and get your life back, none of that stuff is gonna help. I struggled with anorexia for over ten years. I got help several times and even moved back in with my family several times where I was surrounded with love - and yet I remained sick. When I was finally ready to recover for real, I did it 100% on my own. It took a long time, and was far from a smoothie ride, but in the end my recovery happened because I wanted it. Period. Getting quality help during this process can be a fantastic help, but at the end of the day it is not the deciding factor for whether you can do it or not. I would even argue that a couple of times, for me treatment was detrimental, and social support was more enabling than truly helpful. You have to want it, and then you have the be willing to do the work. Other people can support and guide you, but you have to take charge of your own life and accept responsibility for the decisions you make.

  6. On the other hand, people are not created equal. Some do have more resources than others, it is just a fact of life. Not evedybody has looks, charisma or a supportive family - and those people have to learn to live with their deficiencies. Your own mind is the most important thing in recovery, but there is so much around us that influences our mind. That is life.