Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, May 30, 2015

How to be ok with sitting down - eating disorder recovery

I have recently gotten alot of questions regarding how to sit down. Something which is so simple for the majority, because well people do alot of sitting every day. And there are of course positives and negatives about that, but I'm not going to talk about those.  Because if you are struggling with sitting down what you need to hear is that it's ok to sit down. That nothing bad will happen from sitting down. Your body NEEDS to rest.

Because standing all day and constantly moving... you don't need to do that. When you are recovering and fighting your ED thoughts or trying to recover.  Then it is maximal rest and sitting down  - that is for a PERIOD of your life. But then when you begin living life more you are more active, you do walk, move. ... can choose to maybe walk a station or choose to workout or go for a walk or choose to spend a whole day in bed. Each day is different, but when you  live a normal life then there is a balance of activity and rest.

In school and work, when you are social etc it usually means sitting and you have to be ok with that. Sitting for 2,5 hours watching a movie or if you are travelling and on a plane for 8 hours or on a bus ride for 4 hours or when you are in school from 8-4pm, you sit. And that is natural and normal.
When I was sick I never had the concentration to watch films but I refused to go to the cinema because it meant sitting and I refused to do anything that would make me sit for more than a 10 minute period.... I just couldn't do it. And I would never sit if I was on my own, I just couldn't physically do it. I tried convincing myself that sitting was ok, that nothing bad would happen but after 15 minutes it would begin creeping under my skin. The anxiety would take over and I would have to get up and do things. I thought I was doomed to always be scared of resting, to never be normal, never be able to sit down. I also ditched school at times and struggled to be in school due to having to sit.... It was awful.

So how did I overcome that fear? To now be able to spend a whole day or several days with minimal exercise. Or to lie in bed after a whole day sitting in school. Or to be able to take a power nap in the middle of the day?
1) I had people around me who made me sit. Unfortunately I believe it is very hard to recover from an exercise addiction or having such a strong fear of sitting down without having support and people around you. It is a constant battle in your head and the anxiety usually wins unless there is someone there making you rest.
  I suggest making plans with friends and family. Go out and sit in a cafe for a few hours. Or watch a movie with friends or family.... or sleep in the same room as your sister or have a sleepover with friends. Sit with your parents or someone.... that is what I had to do. When I was a day patient I wasn't allowed to be on my own and my mum had to sit with me all the time and the only time I was allowed to be on my own was when I went to the bathroom and then I wasn't allowed to be gone too long. It was tough, there was irritation,  anger and frustration. I wanted to exercise and be on my own.... but my mum sat there with me and eventually I learnt to be able to rest on my own. It was tough in the beginning but it got easier....

Test sitting 10 minutes, then the next time sit 15 minutes. ... work your way up to being able to watch a 40 minute episode and eventually being able to watch a 2 hour film.
But the thing which I usually say is that friends are your EDs worst enemy. Spend time with friends and family, do normal things. Find calm activities to do to keep you entertained.
  Write and draw.... buy things like colouring books, stress balls,  puzzles, sudoku etc... for me personally I had to do something which kept me mentally busy. If I just watched a film I would get too much anxiety as I found it - and can stll find it very hard - to concentrate on a film. I am restless as a person.  But if I laid a puzzle or made jewelry or coloured in colouring books it was easier to just sit and rest.

So find activities you can do which keep you mentally entertained by physically resting.
Don't spend too much time on your own.
Find a new hobby you can do- one which isn't exercise related.

However I did find that for me personally another way for me to overcome my fear of sitting was to workout.  If I did a 69 minute workout then I could convince myself that for the rest of the time I could rest and not worry about exercising. ... and eventually I learnt to have full rest days and be ok with not having any exercise for a whole day and for several days in a row. But it was a mental process... and having to FACE the fear. Try it... find things to entertain me.
And now I have balance with rest and exercise.  Some days I'm more active, some days I'm less active. 

But I can say that if I did not have this balance I would not be able to live a normal life... I wouldn't be able to travel, be in school, spend time with my boyfriend etc etc I would still be stuck in a bubble where I refused to do things because I was scared of resting. It was not a life.... I was just surviving. I can say I'm very thankful that I faced that fear because it held me back in life and I felt very depressed over the fact that I couldn't do something as simple as sit.
My best advice. ... seek help! !! Spend time with other people. Sit a little extra everyday.  Find activities you can do. Remember resting is good,your body needs it. And you may have to do more resting now, but it won't be that way forever.  But first, you need to overcome the fear and then get back into exercise if that is what you enjoy!! But you don't need to be active every moment of the day. You don't need to move around or tense your muscles or shake your legs or hands or feet all the time.  Get comfortable with just being still. .... I can highly recommend meditation everyday.  10-30+ minutes of just lying/sitting and being still... just breathing. It can be tough in the beginning but it is great. So try it.

And the most important, MAKE THE CHANGE.  This is your life and living a life being  scared of something such as sitting will hold you back alot in life!!

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