
After a 5 year struggle with anorexia (with purging tendencies), depression, self harm and over exercising I have now been recovered for 4 years and i use my blog to help others in the same situation i once was. I am now a happy and positive person who wants to inspire those struggling to choose recovery and to take control over life and happiness again!
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Life without Anorexia

Sunday, May 31, 2015
8 days until graduation
My life is not perfect - my recovery was not perfect (thought post)
Something which i get accused of through my blog - and i dont know whether it is positive or negative - is that i have a perfect life. That i only recovered because i got help, because i have a family around me and because i have friends. But this irritates me alot when i hear this... its almost like the person downplays my recovery... as if i didnt have it tough, though i know thats not what the person means. But the fact is.... my life NOW, is not at all how it was when i was sick.
Basically we moved to Sweden because the help i was getting in Ireland was making me more sick. My mum saw that i was getting more sick and the chances of me recovering there were slim, so she decided to leave behind her job and businness she had spent years working on. To leave friends, our house and all our furniture so that I could get the help i needed in Sweden. This of course makes me very lucky, because the first treatment centre you go to might not be the best. And not everyone has the chance to try another treatment centre or to move somewhere else to get the help they need. But moving wasnt easy... leaving everything behind. For me personally it was very easy, i didnt want to stay in Ireland and i had detatched myself from friends and all belongings so it didnt matter to me. I just didnt want to be stuck in that hospital anymore.
However when we moved to Sweden it was another difficult journey. We had nowhere to live, my mum found it hard to work as she had to try to care for me as well as start up a new yoga business in Sweden, so financially we were in a very bad situation which made it very hard for me to recover as well as i felt even more guilty for eating as it was tough financially. I had no friends.... i talked a little to people i met at Mando but it wasnt until i started the school i go to now (in autumn 2012) that i made some friends. But it took several weeks after starting the school that i actually made friends.... during 2012 i was close to relapsing as i was feeling so depressed and lonely because after all my hard work to recover and be healthy and still i couldnt make friends. Yes i am shy and an introvert.. it did make it hard for me to make friends. So if you are feeling jealous or think i am lucky to have friends... that is because i found the right ones. It wasnt easy for me i had thought about changing school or doing an online school because i felt so lonely in the beginning.
And when it comes to my boyfriend. Well i spent many years thinking no one would ever like me and i would be forever alone. But then January 2015 i decided to try an online site and we beagn talking and we clicked... so dont think that you will be forever alone or no one will like you, because that isnt the case.
And when it comes to having a perfect life or perfect family. That is certainly not the case... but i CHOOSE what i post on here. Not every detail of my life is posted here. I've gone through things, ive experienced things and been through tough times which havent been mentioned on here because not every personal detail has to be mentioned. So if it seems like i have some type of perfect life, that is not the case.
But it is also the fact that i choose to always be positive and happy (98% of the time anyway!) Which then makes it easier for me to turn things around to the positive, to see the positives even in negative situations so it seems like everything is always great!!
Everyone is different and everyone goes through tough times. Some people have better circumstances than others... but like the quote goes 'just because someone has it worse than you doesnt mean your pain doesnt count'.
Yes having support and family around you when you are sick makes recovery that little bit easier. Just like having a treatment centre which can help you. But the first treatment centre i went to didnt help at all... and after a year of treatment at Mando i was going to be kicked out (but eventually got to carry on with their treatment for another year and a half until i was declared healthy). My family and support i had around me was my mum and she was pretty much ready to give up on me as well..... my sister found it very difficult to be around me, but she did still visit me in hospital. But there was no one else... so its not like i had some super support system. I was alone alot of the time which made it very difficult.
What i find is that when some of my readers try to tell me that i only recovered because i had treatment and support - it sounds more like a way for the person to give themselves reason why they cant and shouldnt try recovery. It does help to have support and treatment, but you can STILL recover without it. You shouldnt compare yourself to me or think that i only recovered because of those two factors... that was not the case. The hard work came from ME. It was me who decided to eat when i was alone, me who forced myself to rest when i was alone, it was me who made myself change the small habits which no one knew i had, it was me who faced my fear foods. So the hardwork comes from the person recovering... because treatment and family are just a way of SUPPORTING you, trying to make you do the right thing. But i know from experience, its still easy to relapse, cheat and continue in the same disordered habits even when you have those two things around you. So dont give yourself a reason why you cant recover because you CAN whether you have support or treatment around you or not.
Dont compare your recovery to anyone elses and dont compare your life to mine!! What i post on my blog is what i choose to post, its not everything i do, think or see!!
**I just felt i needed to get this off my chest**
Mothers day brunch
I think brunches are my favourite thing to make and eat!!

New goals
Tomorrow it is June and the 6th month of 2015!! Feels like January just a month ago ^_^
Time passes by quickly! ! And recently I have begun thinking about goals in my life. I need to have goals in my life and things to motivate me and to have a plan to reach that goal. If I feel I have nothing to work towards I can feel unmotivated and feel like there is no point in anything.
So here are some of my long term and short term goals:
Short term:
Practise being an aeroboxing instructor.
Start studying my 4 complementary courses before university.
Get a part time job.
Apply to be a running coach. - the chances are slim that I will get it, but I can atleast try.
Try Crossfit! I've long wanted to do it, but it's suoer expensive!!
Go to the theme park Liseberg in Gotehnburg. Either with my boyfriend, sister or a friend!! I love theme parks.
Long term:
Run a marathon. ... I never thought I would have this as a goal. Because running a half marathon has serried difficult enough. ... but after reading and seeing so much status updates and pictures from the Stockholm marathon yesterday I now feel inspired and motivated enough to also run one. But also people ran the marathon in like 5hr 30 or almost 6 hours... and there were people who walked like half the distance... I didn't think you could do that. I thought it was just people who could run the whole distance and run in like in like 4 hours. That's why I've never felt that a marathon is for me, but i am pretty certain I could run a marathon in around 4 hours +/- .... so now I need to save up for proper running shoes. Find a route which is more than 20km and begin practising and maybe in a year's time I will be running Stockholm marathon?
I also have a goal to travel around the world and run races!!! So much fun I am excited just thinking about it :)
Get stronger. I don't have any physical goals and my goal isn't to build muscle, but to be stronger... which does result in more muscle, sort of. But it's going to be more weights and more reps to build endurance and strength!!
Get a new tattoo - as mentioned a few posts ago!
I do of course have some more goals but these are my main ones!!! What are your goals? :)
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Not eating wont solve the problem
Your body needs food no matter what you have or havent done. When its tough, when the voice screasm at you to not eat that is when it is extra important for you to eat. You need to fight that voice in your head and do what scares you. It will get easier i promise, but you need to go against the voice in your head. Its the tough times that make you stronger so if you can get through the tough times it can only get better!!
Remember its all in your head. You need to eat whether someone is there or not. Food is not something bad or something to feel guilty over.... did you steal the food? No, then you have no reason to feel guilty over it.
Keep facing your fears. Stay strong and never give up!!! Feed your body and give it nourishment!





How to be ok with sitting down - eating disorder recovery
I suggest making plans with friends and family. Go out and sit in a cafe for a few hours. Or watch a movie with friends or family.... or sleep in the same room as your sister or have a sleepover with friends. Sit with your parents or someone.... that is what I had to do. When I was a day patient I wasn't allowed to be on my own and my mum had to sit with me all the time and the only time I was allowed to be on my own was when I went to the bathroom and then I wasn't allowed to be gone too long. It was tough, there was irritation, anger and frustration. I wanted to exercise and be on my own.... but my mum sat there with me and eventually I learnt to be able to rest on my own. It was tough in the beginning but it got easier....
Write and draw.... buy things like colouring books, stress balls, puzzles, sudoku etc... for me personally I had to do something which kept me mentally busy. If I just watched a film I would get too much anxiety as I found it - and can stll find it very hard - to concentrate on a film. I am restless as a person. But if I laid a puzzle or made jewelry or coloured in colouring books it was easier to just sit and rest.
Saturday morning
Good morning everyone :) :)
It's Saturday morning and the rain is starting to pour down,but I came back just in time! After yesterday's rest and taking it easy which was what I needed I woke up with lots of energy today and ready to explore!! I love adventure runs and the best thing about staying somewhere new is then being able to go out and see the new place. Run weird routes and just let your feet move you forward, not knowing where you are going or how long you have run. I usually have a GPS on so that I don't get lost, but I don't see the distance or time until I am back. When I run I do it for fun and enjoyment not to run X km or run X minutes,that takes the fun away from running.
The rest of the day will be mostly resting, taking the dog for a few walks and then this evening A's parents are coming back so we no longer need to watch the dog!! The dog is still a puppy - a flatgoat retriever (i think that's what she is) - and she has so much energy and is so cuddly! It makes me want to have 5 dogs!!
Are you more of a cat or dog person? Do you have a pet? :)
Now I'm going to be social, haha!!! :)
Have a lovely Saturday everyone.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Dog watching and enjoying the sunshine
Tired and sore!! That is what describes me today!! Despite resting and sleeping yesterday I woke up feeling sore and tired today... so rest was and is the main thing for today! And what better way than to spend Friday evening and Saturday at my boyfriends parents house acting as dog watchers while they are gone. They live sort of in the country so it's forests and adventure routes which I will explore tomorrow. As well as having a beautiful view of a lake and a lovely garden where we sat and bathed in the sunshine!!!
My plans tomorrow are to just take it easy as well. Relax and enjoy the sun if it's sunny, though it is supposed to rain alot tomorrow :( I guess it's just to wait and see!!
I also want to thank you all for the congratulations HOWEVER I haven't graduated yet ;););) 10 more days to go. I've just finished all my school work, but the grades aren't set until tomorrow and then I still have all of next week to be in school (apart from sports day and house day!) But still have 'lessons' to go to!!!
On Sunday I am going to take some pre-graduation photos where I wear my outfit and I will share a few of them to give you a sneak peek of my outfit.... Because I am totally in love with my dress and shoes!!! :)
How is everyone doing? How has your week been?
Dream catcher
What does Dreamcatcher Tattoo Mean?




Friday Finds




(People in general ^^ )
Delicious:



Cute:





Thinking:



Motivation:

(This is why i love being out in nature and prefer to do cardio outside than stuck on a machine!)
