Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Wednesday, April 15, 2015

How and Why i started blogging

How and why i started blogging is a question not so freqquently asked now a days though it was something i thought i would share with all my readers.

I initially started blogging in 2009 when i was going through a bad period of purging and restricting. I was at home sick quite alot due to my low immune system and being very sick becuase of my CF (which got worse as i was restricting and over exercising). As i spent alot of time home alone i exercised alot and ate very little. Food became a huge guilt and anxiety factor and i could barely bring myself to eat anything and then when i did i would instantly run to the bathroom. I had been purging and restricting before 2009 however it wasnt until i was home alone and been purging several times a day that i realised what i was doing was wrong. I had this dark, black secret i was carrying around on my shoulders and hiding and it caused even more guilt, anxiety and depression within me. Sometime in spring/summer 2009 i began searching online for bulimia help and began using a forum saying that i was a 16 year old anonymous girl who struggled with bulimia, however the more i read about bulimia the less i felt that it was what i had. I didnt want to admit i had an eating disorder anyway, i barely knew what an eating disorder was. But i didnt binge, i didnt put my fingers down my throat and i didnt think that my lack of eating or excessive exercise were ways of controlling my weight and feelings. So after a while i decided to create my own platform where i could write what was in my head and what i was going through.
  I felt extremely alone, depressed and tired at this time. I was in a very dark place and in 2010 i first began self harming in combination with suicidal thoughts. I didn't want to admit that i had a problem but the guilt of eating, being made to eat, how to avoid eating, how to hide my purging and not missing any workouts or exercise was tearing me apart. Everything i did in secret was taking it's toll on me physically and mentally and by this stage it had been going on for 1,5 years or so.

I began writing on my blog in 2009 as a way to write out my thoughts and what i was going through. It was an online diary and that was all it was, though because it was online i kept myself very anonymous and at that time still thought the only thing i was doing wrong was the purging, not realising that all the hours i spent exercising wasnt healthy and that my biggest problem was restricting. However i never felt hungry and it felt more normal to not eat than to eat, so i didnt realise that me not eating anything was my biggest problem. I wrote on my blog sporadically as a way to write out my thoughts and feelings and then in 2010 when i was diagnosed and ended up in a kids psychiatric ward i wasnt allowed any internet or phone access so i stopped blogging until late summer 2010 after being an inpatient at Mando for a while. It was then i began blogging more often as a way to cope with my struggling. I decided around that time to delete my posts from 2009 as they were so triggering and dark and also there was some 'fakeness' to it (as i wrote i was bulimic and 16 years old) and i didnt want that on my blog, i wanted to be honest even if i still kept myself anonymous.

However as i wrote more often and my journey continued more people found my blog and seemed to like what i wrote and then when people i knew or people from Mando found my blog i found i went through a bit of a blog crisis. Because suddenly i felt i couldnt be as open about my struggles or thoughts and i started writing i was doing good and better even though i was struggling alot, just because people i knew and people from Mando read my blog.

That is one of the problems with a blog and you use it as an online diary (and have it as public), you cant stop people from reading. So then you have to either just not care at all who reads and what they will think or be selective about what you write and i decided to be selective, to not be as open about my struggles or thoughts.


My journey continued and so did my blogging though as i began to recover the reason for my blogging changed and it became more of a way to help and inspire others instead of a way to help myself. I felt that i could no longer write what was in my head or my thoughts as i wanted to keep this place positive and be an inspiration, but also that i didnt really need to use my blog for that anymore. I had found coping methods which worked just as well.

My aim of blogging has never been to have loads of followers or to be a 'big blogger'. My first aim was to try to help myself and now my aim is to help and inspire as many people as i can who are struggling. I enjoy blogging alot that is why i still do it and why  i write personal posts as well as advice posts! I dont know what my future with blogging will be but as long as i enjoy it i will keep doing it :) And i love getting to know new people and forming new contacts as well as knowing that i am helping and making a difference in peoples lives!!



1 comment:

  1. Hi Izzy, I have just started up my own blog (fighting-anorexia.blogspot.com.au) but am starting to get a little disheartened as no one has even read my last 4 posts. I was just wondering if you went through stages like this as soon as you started blogging or if you always seemed to have heaps of readers? Do you have any tips for increasing your audience?? XX

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