Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Monday, April 13, 2015

Freedom from calories, weight and obsessiveness

This morning when i was out walking and my thoughts were swirling i found myself thinking about how i was going to go to the store and buy X,Y & Z. Just because that was what i was craving. Not caring about the calorie content or whether its high in carbs or fat or has alot of sugar. But wanting to eat something because i like it!! I then smiled thinking about how nice it is to be able to eat something and want to eat something because it is nice, not thinking about what it has alot of calories or whether i can or cant or should or shouldnt eat it. Not worrying about compensation or whether the food will make me gain weight. I dont normally think in calories or macronutrients but I know that many people do even so called 'healthy' people. They are obsessed with numbers, grams and what they can and cant eat. Having high days and low days, bulking and dieting, intermittent fasting and IIFYM. I am not saying those things are wrong, I am not judging people as everyone has the right to do what they want and some people feel great calorie counting and IIFYM etc But for me personally all of that was just too obsessive. Caught up in numbers, never enjoying food because it was just numbers. Wanting to eat the lowest amount of calories no matter what the food tasted like, i didnt want to eat anything above X calories, i couldnt enjoy food. Ive even tried IIFYM and i dont understand how people can call it a lifestyle? Weighing every little food you eat, having a certain gram amount you can or cant eat? How is that not a little food obsessed.....? Not being able to go out to eat or just grab a random healthy snack because your body needs energy, but nope... you need to weigh it and count out your macros? If you just want to be healthy and have a healthy life and body then i doubt that counting every macro you eat is what is necessary to achieve health. But that is just my opinion and does not mean i am right. Like i said, everyone is individual and different people feel good from different things.

For example i feel good eating freely, eating the foods i crave when i crave them. I feel good going for walks and runs as well as strength training. I am not an athlete and i dont have a goal of having a body fat of 8% or having super muscles or a visible six pack. So i have no reason to be super strict with what i eat or how i train. My goal is to be happy and healthy and by continuing to live life like i am doing then i am achieving that goal.

Being free from obsessive, restrictive, compulsive and controlling habits around food and exercise is wonderful. To not worry that eating some chocolate or a whole bar of chocolate will make me gain weight and if i do gain weight - so what, it's not the end of the world. If i were to keep gaining weight for some reason, say that i did begin overeating and consuming too many calories, well then i know i how to lose weight, not that weightloss or weight gain are 'easy' but the how to's arent so hard. I dont weigh myself so i really wouldnt know what my weight is and it is not something i need to worry about either. As long as i am energetic, happy and healthy then plus or minus a few kilo doesnt matter to me.

Food is energy and fuel, it is what keeps humans alive and going. It is what gives species the energy to live and to move forward, without it you won't come far. There is no need to be too rigid or extreme with eating or exercise. The basics is to find what works for you, some people might find that eating paleo or vegan or low carb suits them and that is fine. Just like for me it works to eat freely and to eat several meals a day, for others bigger and fewer meals a day works for them. There is no right and wrong, but your focus should be Health and Happiness. Not just trying to have a flat stomach or a super low body fat procent, because those things dont last, however if you are continuously working on your health and happiness those things WILL last and will last until the day you die. But a flat stomach and low fat procent, those things wont last or bring happiness.

Find what works for you. ask yourself is it really necessary to count every gram or calorie? Weigh every morsal of food or only be allowed certain foods certain days or times? Ask yourself is what you are doing really making you healthy or happy? If not... then make a change.

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