Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Force feeding and scared of moving around after anorexia recovery

Force feeding and scared of moving around

^^Original article.

I found this article which i found very  interesting to read. This issomething i havent talked/written about myself. Even though i have gone through a period where i felt quite psychologically scarred by all the strict rules i had had at Mando. Being told and made to and that i was never allowed to leave a single bit of food on my plate, wasnt allowed the slightest bit of exercise. That was all wrong, so that was what i began to believe. And i almost felt scared of undereating, ever feeling hungry or having to walk that little bit extra.... i was scared of losing weight, scared of undereating and scared of going back to Mando. So it had me do the opposite - eat even if i wasnt hungry, just to make sure i was eating enough and to limit all exercise. Though this isnt healthy either if you are still living a life of fear.... fear of the past. You are trapped by your own thoughts and fears and arent following your bodies signals because you keep thinking you have to eat more and do less to avoid being 'sick'.

Here are the telltale signs that your original food avoidance-based anxiety has popped up as this 'rare mole' rather than been properly addressed through CBT or an equivalent therapeutic treatment approach: 
  • you find yourself avoiding moving around, walking to class, doing the laundry or anything beyond sitting or lying down;
  • you think that you should eat more than the minimum intake every day even when you are clearly not in a period of extreme hunger, and you force yourself to eat well above the minimum intake every day; 
  • you are experiencing intense interoception (it's the sense of what is going on in your body) where every twitch and twinge makes you think that your recovery effort is going wrong and that you are not doing it right; 
  • you get anxious if you cannot eat for a period of a few hours; 
  • And you find yourself worrying about overshooting your optimal weight set point if you fail to eat and rest constantly.

If you find yourself struggling with these thoughts then i suggest you read the original article HERE as that can be helpful!


  1. Hi!
    This is a really interesting phenomena. A while ago I actually wanted to ask you and your readers about the negative effects of being treated in a hospital for a eating disorder. Do you have any thoughts?
    I´ve noticed some food fears coming from being force fed. For example I just can´t bring myself to eat waffles. In hospital they were for me the absolute worst dessert they made us eat. They were served once every two weeks. Also another thing is minced anything (meaning meat, chicken, soya, quorn does´t matter) I just can´t eat them because so many times I was forced to eat dishes containing these.

    Did/Do you have anything like this?

  2. Adjusting from being an inpatient to eating at home, has been hard, due to feeling like I'm being watched.

    Trying to keep busy doing everyday things, has helped change my paranoid thoughts about eating 'X' amounts (even with no appetite) or how much exercise I should/ shouldn't do.

    I have formed some 'food fears' since being home, such as having lots of potatoes (mainly mashed), as it seemed to be with everything - even salads u would have mash potato... plus 'milky drinks' as one consumed so much milk.

  3. Does your boyfriend know about your past with an eating disorder? Do you think that people who have not had anorexia could ever understand it?

  4. ah! finally! I was waiting for a post like this! I thought I was the only one who had the fear of undereating and losing weight, thanks <3 now i know that I am not alone :)