Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, April 25, 2015

Answers - questbars/'fear foods'/being open about my past

Have you seen the new questbar flavour? What do you think of it?

I have heard about the new mint chocolate chunk questbar and from the reviews it seems like a new top 5. However i am not super crazy about mint so i dont really know. Recently i have barely eaten any questbars, i guess i overate them for a while... i.e having 3 boxes of questbars lying in your room, its easy to eat like 3 a day and that is what i did and i overate them. So now i dont really crave them or feel that need to buy myself questbars.... Plus i save so much money now and can use it on other things instead of questbars :) But they are delicious and i am sure i will buy myself a box sometime soon, but for now i dont have any intense cravings for them :)




Hey Izzy! Could make a review of the cookies & cream questbar? I love chocolate chip cookie dough but I don't have them anymore :( I have a whole box of cookies & cream and I don't know I'm not so keen on it! How do you like it? Raw? Baked? I'd be so grateful as I know you love them :) 

I have written a review about that flavour HERE. I love cookies and cream flavour questbars, i think its my number 1!! Its soft and has crunchy cookie bits in it and i love the white chocolate! However i love all cookies and cream/oreoflavoured things so it is very individual about flavour!! If you dont like the flavour, feel free to send the remaining ones to me :) hahah

Though do try putting it in the microwave for 20-30 seconds or making cookies or questpuffs out of the bar :) Its delicious 'raw' and baked!! Try it and see... maybe try half of it raw and the other half baked :)

 
I´ve noticed some food fears coming from being force fed. For example I just can´t bring myself to eat waffles. In hospital they were for me the absolute worst dessert they made us eat. They were served once every two weeks. Also another thing is minced anything (meaning meat, chicken, soya, quorn does´t matter) I just can´t eat them because so many times I was forced to eat dishes containing these.

Did/Do you have anything like this?
Yes i have definitely experienced this.  When i was at Mando i had to eat potatoes 2 times a day for weeks on end and i hated it. I have never really liked potatoes so then having to eat most often boiled potatoes 2 times a day for weeks i felt tired of it. So once i was a day patient i told my mum i wasnt going to eat potatoes at home and then it ended up me not eating potatoes at all once i was sort of free from Mando. And its only really since i have started dating A that i have begun to eat potatoes again... so basically 3 years where i didnt eat potatoes if i didnt have to. Of course i did eat potatoes and all forms of potatoes - mashed, boiled, baked, omelette (with potatoe), fries, crisps, wedges etc and i am not scared of carbs, but its just that whenever i eat potatoes i think of Mando and just dont like the taste at all. Especially not boiled potatoes, i dont eat those at all. So yes, i did suffer some 'scars' from my time at Mando and being forced to eat foods which i didnt like however it is important to know WHY you dont eat them. If they are fear foods such as you are scared of the fat/carbs/sugar content of the food then i do suggest you try to make yourself eat them, but if its just a thing where you 99% of the time would not eat a certain food because you have been forced to eat it  then i dont see the point in forcing yourself to eat it when you have a choice?
  It would be very hypocritical of me to tell you that you have to eat those foods, because you dont... not if you have a choice and it is a food that you feel you neither crave or want and you have a choice to maybe eat pancakes or french toast instead or not eat the minced meat/quorn and instead eat the pasta and veggies or something else.

But like i mentioned earlier, its important to know why you feel you dont want to eat a food. For me, i choose to not eat potatoes 99% of the time but i can eat them and not feel guilty about eating it, its just that i might not enjoy eating them. But when i am at a restaurant or at someone elses place then i will eat what is served whether that includes potatoes or not, i dont make a hassle about it as i am not allergic to potatoes so no reason why i shouldnt eat them.

Does your boyfriend know about your past with an eating disorder? Do you think that people who have not had anorexia could ever understand it? 

No, not that i am aware of anyway. However i realised just how easy it is to find out about it i.e if you google my name then all the articles will come up as well as my blog and also I have the blogger app on my computer and my blog profile as a bookmark on my computer so i mean its not like i am trying to cover it up.... but i just dont know how to tell him? Its not something i feel i can casually just bring up as well as i have a very hard time talking about things like this. But i do feel that maybe he should know, we have been dating for several months now and it is a big part of my past as well as my blog is a part of the present and most probably future. But i dont know how to tell him.... So if anyone has any advice about this then it would be super duper awesome if you could comment or email me with some advice. Though what i find the hardest is that it is a part of my past and not my present, so i dont want him to start judging me for my past and think differently of me. :(

And onto your second question, no i dont believe that people who havent suffered from the illness can completely understand. Not even if you tell them everything you are thinking or how it feels... its just like unless i suffer from cancer, ADHD, bipolar etc i wont ever fully understand how it feels to suffer with that illness even if someone tries to explain to me. However they can empathasize and sumpathasize with you. You can still open up to people and have them help and support you and try to understand. For me personally i felt alot like there is no point telling people how i felt because they wouldnt actually understand. I think this is why many might find comfort with my blog and feel that they can talk to me because i have experienced what they are going through, i have been at the very bottom and struggled with an eating disorder and now i am free. And that inspires people... just like people who suffer from cancer seek inspiration from those who have overcome and gotten rid of their cancer, or like people with diabetes seek themselves to communities and groups with others who have diabetes... its a human thing. You feel you can connect with someone because of common problems or connections.

But i think it is important to raise more awareness about eating disorders and how it is to suffer because many think its just an appearance thing and that people dont eat because they want to look a certain way or that people binge because they have no self control, but it is so much more than that.

6 comments:

  1. Izzy - thank you for the article about things to do at the weekend. I asked about that! i just had a nice breakfast after a work out. Next cleaning...which i find calming!

    Regarding your boyfriend and your past - i had problems with anorexia many years before i met my boyfriend but just as i met him i had started exercising more and began falling into old ways with food. In our first year i fell to my lowest weight and was at rock bottom - he could see it happening. He did everything to look after me. I was away studying a lot - he always supported me and cared for me and now that i am trying to recover (i am weight restored but mentally im not recovered) he supports me even more.

    Its a different situation to you - but maybe i can give some advice. What happened you is in the past but its part of you. He likes you and i dont think (if he is a decent guy) he could change his opinion based on your past. You do not have to tell him if you do not want to - just like you dont have to speak about ex boyfriends etc if you dont want to . But if you want to tell him and feel its important he knows you can just tell him - maybe bring up something about women and the pressure they are under in the media to be thin. But like i say its your choice.

    You are an amazing, strong young woman and i think if anything he will respect you more when he hears of what you survived and came out of. But if he has any issues with it or judges you - he isnt the guy for you!

    Basically...after all that.... he shouldnt judge you for your past. If he does - its not good. But also you dont have to tell him unless you want to!

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  2. hey I used to struggle from anorexia, gained the weight and recovered, and then I went through a cycle of binging and starving an lost weight and then just went through a cycle of binging and eating healthy and gained weigh and now I'm 5ft and 110 pounds. I've been feeling really sad lately because during my recovery there was a point in time where i was eating really healthy and felt really good and was at a comfortable body weight, like I had abs peaking out and now I just feel uncomfortable. Every time I try to eat healthy I end up binging or something and I just feel gross. I just don't feel satisfied with food and I'm really sad and uncomfortable. I've also started birth control pills and I feel like i'm retaining a lot of water, especially in my hands and fingers. I just don't know what to do and I feel very hopeless and sad. :( I have this urge to return to my starve and binge cycle, but I'm stopping myself because I remember it causing me to have no energy at all. Do you have any advice or anything? I really just want to be normal and enjoy a healthy life while being at a comfortable weight.

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    Replies
    1. Hey!
      I´m not Izzy but I want to give advice.
      First of all you are beautiful in any size and shape and loosing weight is not going to make you happy. As I´m sure you know.
      For that binging cycle I suggest you contact your school, study place or healthcare center to maybe get a nutritionist´s appointment. And get a meal plan that allows you to eat everything in moderation so that you don´t feel that you are no to any foods and that you get all the nutrients you need. Once you get comfortable with eating enough you can start eating more with intuition.
      You´ll get through this! Keep going!

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  3. I agree with what Amie said, what you went through shaped who you are today and it's something to be respected, not felt ashamed of. It will always be a part of you and your values and no one should stigmatize any mental illness or eating disorder. You don't need to worry about how you're going to tell him,when you're alone with him again just tell him you'd like to share something with him that's really important to you. <3

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  4. I think that it is important to tell your other half about your past struggles if you are in a serious relationship. Maybe your boyfriend would be offended if he googles you and finds all those things about your past with ED that you arent talked about with him. If you want to brought it up i would reccommend asking him about how he were as a teenager and maybe then talk about your time as a teenager.

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  5. I made sure to tell my current boyfriend about my eating disorder before it got really serious. I would have felt so bad 'hiding' it from him, when it is such a huge thing in my life.I would feel like i was constantly living a lie when i was with him. it has made me who i am today. I cant run from it, but also i never chose to get anorexia. When i told him I also told him that i was afraid he would think differently about me, he told me it only made him love me more and made him realize how amazingly strong i am. He promised to always support me and back me up. I love him so much for that. I think you really need to tell A about your eating disorder if you ever want a serious and real relationship with him. He knows who you are and will still like you. I also dont think you ever really recover from you disorder if you cant be honest and truthful about it to others. If you still feel 'ashamed' you still have some unresolved issues. Also, wouldn't you find it weird if you suddenly found out that A had been serious ill of cancer (or something) when he was younger, but just never told you? If you had been together with A for a long time, and suddenly you find out this huge thing about his past that he hid from you? that would feel weird, right? But you would like him any less? Just like he won't like you any less! :)

    Also,considering the fact that you chose to be so open and public about this. he WILL find out sooner or later. probably sooner than you think. He might already now.

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