Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, March 12, 2015

When food goes from enjoyment to anxiety

In todays society, it feels like half of the people, or younger generation anyway have a pretty fucked up relationship with food.
   Everyday, we are bombarded with images of thin models, and an ideal body. We see adds to lose weight. Foods we shouldn't eat. Foods that are bad. Foods that we should eat. New diets. Ways to exercise... bombarded with information, and not all the information is right.
   I've seen articles where its said, 'walk away 5kg in a week.', 'foods you should never eat again' 'Skip lunch and exercise'
   I dont even read those articles, because just the title makes me mad...

People know so little about nutrition. All they care about is calories... but that mind set is so wrong. I mean while i was sick, it went from eating 1200 calories scared me loads, to finally i couldnt even eat a whole apple because 80 calories was too much....
It feels like there is not really anything normal about the way people eat or think about food anymore... Because so many people, do have a sort of eating disorderd way of thinking about food.
   They think about losing weight, skipping carbs or fats. Putting restrictions on certain foods...getting anxiety after eating too much. But the difference i guess is that, its just phases. With an eating disorder, it goes from just a 'diet' or a 'phase' to something very secretive & alot of body hate.
  Also, the difference is, is that most eating disorders arent about the actual food... its about something else... so you control food, and the less you eat, the more you hate your body and your appearance.
  But with 'normal people' and they're unhealthy relationship with food, its more about wanting to look a certain way.

It feels like almost everyday, whether its at school, at the gym, on publis transport or something, i hear someone talking about some new diet they're started or how they want to lose weight. Or cut out a certain food group... I dont judge, but sometimes it feels like that is all people talk about. 
   Or when girls complain about how fat they are....  i mean, i have my days where i feel awful and fat. But i dont stand infront of the mirror in school and tell my friends about how fat i am... (Though i guess its almost hte same thing, when i write it on my blog? haha XD But thats different... sort of?)


Thank you Hilary duff. I love you.

needed to reblog this again
I personally think a helthy relationship with food is when, you care about your body and give it good healthy food. I mean you dont have to be extremely health conscious, but know that you are eating good food. But can also eat junk food sometimes, because you know that it is ok. And as long as you are not overweight, then you know that eating junk food now and again is fine, and is not going to hurt you/be bad for you.
  You should eat food you enjoy, without anxiety. Making choices that are good for you, but also making unhealthier choices sometimes just because.....

Food is energy. And we need that energy. Whether we lie in bed all day, or sit at a desk all day, or are super active. We need that energy. And it doesnt matter if we ate loads the day before, or loads of junk food, we still need to eat the next day...
  Skipping meals is not healthy, and having anxiety after eating is not healthy either.




yep, sounds right.

I’m part of that 60%

Also, counting calories is not healthy. Because you know what, you could eat one of those 100 snack bars,or a 99 calorie chips bag or you could eat a banana. And i can tell you, the banana is alot better for you and will give you more energy and fill you up more.
   And the same with, you could eat X amount of calories in chips, or X amount of calories in nuts.... and the nuts are alot healthier for you. And also to add, its ok to choose chips over nuts, or a 100 snack bar over a banana now and again!!! So even if there is a healthier option, you dont always have to choose it.
   Thats the difference between healthy & (healthy to the extreme of unhealthy!)
And also, people are so scared of calories.... they want to eat so low as possible, but i have learnt from my mistakes and know that that doesnt help anything.
   Infact, the more i eat, the better i feel... physically and mentally!! Food like nuts, avocado, coconut oil, salmon etc, they may be high in calories, but they are good calories.

Food should be an enjoyment. Not a burden. Not somethign which we constantly think about, or worry about. I mean, i dont plan my meals... When i get hungry, i go to the fridge/pantry, see what we have and then make my decision... unless im craving something beforehand, and make that.
   But i dont spend my days wondering what i am going to eat, or planning my food. Or counting calories... i take it as it comes. Because some days im more hungry, other days im less hungry... and thats the balance of healthy!

So start enjoying food, and stop seeing food as weight gain. Because it isnt like that....
   People lack so much information, and are feed the wrong information from media!!!


If you love fitness follow this blog now!let-you-define-you:

Strayed away from my usual fat free (a.k.a ED friendly) pancakes and tried out a new whole wheat pancake recipe! Definitely a new favourite- Whole wheat pancake stack with maple roasted plums, sliced banana, and I also had a chai tea latte. Happy birthday Canada!


  1. Hi,

    About your "Making a change and overcoming fear" and "When food goes from enjoyment to anxiety " post.

    Just to say that I have decided to recover from 15 years + anorexia & B/P.
    Im am now 6 weeks in it !
    But it has only been 3 weeks i have really decided to face my fears: increasing calories intake and weight gain.

    In the 3 last week I went from 1300 to 1800 cal (this week), wich is a HUGE step forwards for me.
    I have face the fear of adding calories, having supplements caloric drinks and gain weight

    Till now i would make baby increase (50 cal by 50 cal every weeks...only if i felt i could - lets say if "scale" would allow me to do so -, without really any committment in recovery.)

    But i am tired ....

    So lets REALLY recover !

    Each friday : +100 cal whatever scale says...
    And in fact, i thought i would balloon with that much calories, but i did not !!
    I realised that to recover and gain weight i have to eat more calories

    I am fearless, not 100%, but less apprehensive, regarding what recovery needs to be done.

    I even ate chocolate puffed rice cereals this morning !
    It would never cross my mind to have them a few week would have been unconceivable ! I would have challenged me to have them neither.
    I realised it tasted good.

  2. Hi Izzy. I totally agree with everything you are saying in this post and found it to be a really helpful post, so thank you.
    I was wondering if you could answer a couple of questions I have. Firsty, I have heard both you and professionals say that in recovery you shouldn't be counting calories and i know your right but how do you know if you are getting enough calories to gain weight if you are not counting them. People say you need to eat x amount of calories in recovery but also that you shouldn't count calories so that confused me a little. Also I have heard from people you shouldn't weigh yourself In recovery but then how do you know whether you are eating enough to gain weight or not?
    I know your busy so only answer this if you have time.
    Thanks Izzy :) x

  3. My nutritionist is really open with me in recovery. I doubt have a meal plan but she calls me out I'd in restricting. She doesn't talk calories, more food groups, like a carb, protein, fruit, fat at meals instead of x amount of calories. Which is still scary. But helpful. And I haven't had a meal plan now that I'm doing a bit better. More that she tells me I'm not eating as much as I think. Some places/treatment tans work with"exchanges" like, food groups themselves you can choose from instead of calories. It's a little easier for me to do it that way. I started at a very restrictive diet and then just speed counting as my health got a bit better. You also don't gain a lot of weight right away in recovery. That was something I thought everyone was lying about, but I didn't gain 10 pounds overnight from an 1000 calorie increase