Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Mental and physical recover from an eating disorder

Many people think that recovery from an eating disorder is just the physical... that you reach a healthy weight and then you are healthy. But there is a reason that eating disorders are called 'mental disorders' i.e they are in the head. Its not enough to just eat and gain weight and think that things will get better, because they wont.
  There are underlying issues to your problems and why you think and behave the way you do... something has triggered your behaviour. Whether its low self esteem, self consciousness, some event happened or loneliness, depression etc
  But you need to find a way to cope with the problems in your head and also the underlying issues. Being physically healthy and eating enough of course helps because then your body and mind arent in starvation mode (Read more HERE)  making it easier to think more rationally and you are stronger mentally so its easier to fight the ED thoughts.

 Though mental recovery is something that takes time, more time than physical recovery usually... though sometimes its the otherway around. Though i do have a very hard time believing when someone says they are mentally recovered but have a BMI of 16 or 17 and just 'cant' gain the weight... of course gaining weight is hard, IT IS. But it can be done... whether that means supplement drinks or eating 200g nuts per day or adding 100ml oil to your meals throughout the day. Weight gain can be done... for me i had to eat around 4000kcal a day for a period to gain weight... eating that much isnt easy, but thats what i needed to gain wieght and i did that through supplement drinks, bread, butter, cheese, cereal, nuts, dried fruit etc so you CAN gain weight. So i find it hard to believe the excuse that someone cant gain weight but claim they are mentally healthy.... i tried to use that excuse when i was half recovered because i didnt want to gain weight. But now when i am actually mentally healthy the number on the scale doesnt matter to me... whether it says 60kg or 65kg doesnt matter so much to me, what matters is that i am a healthy weight and have a healthy mind and body.

Generally though you recover physically before you mentally recover and you need to keep working on those thoughts, finding coping skills and learning to cope with tough situations or triggers. To overcome your fears and anxieties. You get stronger after each obstacle you conquer. No one else can mentally recover for you, its YOU who has to want it and has to CHOOSE it everyday. Its YOU who has to do the tough job of fighting those things that scare you so that you can find peace in your own mind.... because like the quote goes "your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy."
    This is very true, you need your head to co operate with you, not fight you, but to do that you have to change your thoughts and do things that scare you.

Recovery is not JUST about getting enough calories in so you can move on. Recovery is mentally recovering as well. It’s about becoming free from food, while also loving it. Challenging the ED is tough, you don’t know when you genuinely don’t like something, when you are genuinely full, or when you can learn to trust your body. It is very possible you don’t have hunger because you are not challenging the ED and it is still provoking anxiety within you that makes you not want to eat. Calories are important…do what you can to meet the minimums, but do what you can to break out of your ED comfort zones (even little by little) every day as well. You may find yourself being surprised at the foods you crave once you break out of your habits.
— kamran 

Dont settle for half recovery or just physical recovery ,because you wont ever be happy if you are still battling the thoughts. But know that you CAN get rid of the thoughts completely, you can be happy, healthy and FREE. You can be free from your thoughts but that requires fighting, being strong and making a change!!!

You need to face your fears, fight your anxiety and guilt. Do the things that scare you. You cant expect a change if you dont make one. So step outside of your comfort zone, do something different, It may be tough in the beginning but you will get stronger and it will get easier.
Sometimes what you're most afraid of

Mental and physical recovery should go hand and in hand but they often dont, mental recovery can take months to years to recover. Its a process, dealing with the actual problem, finding ways to cope, learning to love yourself, learning to live life in a healthy way. You need to keep thinking positive, keep fighting the negative and keep making choices which will benefit you!


  1. I remember my half recovery stage... still super low BMI, but eating 'normal' (aka maintenance) and using 'fear foods'. I was proclaiming to everyone how ok I am, how I eat more now and so on, meanwhile I was still pretty much a skeleton. It's no way to live, the weight gain = life gain!

  2. i really dislike when someone says it is hard to gain weight. i know it depends very much on the person and their mental state but for me its like 3x easier to put on weight than to lose it :/ and i am very annoyed by that.... at least thats what made it easier with the weight gain in recovery... but for me (as a mentally recovered person without any taughts about weightloss) its 100x easier to eat a chocolate muffin than to exercise/eat low kcal etc. ._.

  3. im recovered physically - back to normal weight but mentally i am struggling.i cannot accept the weight gain, i am disgusted by myself, i dont want to go anywhere socially, some of my clothes dont fit anymore and i am just devastated. honestly this is so hard and i see no point in being physically recovered if this is what its like - i do have more energy etc but there is a constant sadness about the weight gain. Also i am trying to lose weight again so i guess i am just not fully recovered.

  4. Izzy, I often dont have any motivation. My mam says I need to want to recover for myself or I never will. And the truth is, deep down i don't want it, for myself. Am I fighting a losing battle? its just so hard to see any light in my future, what with the osteoporosis and everything (just last week i was diagnosed with serious osteoporosis by my consultant ). Alot of the time i see my future as hopeless now. Do you have any advice?xxx