Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Why strive for something that wont make you happy?

Something i began thinking about this morning was....those people who spend their whole life trying to change their body, strive for a better body or look a certain way. Never feeling happy, not even when they reach their so called 'perfect' body. They let life pass them by, obsessed with their dream of looking a certain way. Controlling food and exercise and having to control those even when at their desired weight and body size.
   But why? Why spend your whole life unhappy just because you want to look a certain way? How much fun is it really to control your food and think... no i cant have that because its not on my plan or i cant have that because it has too much sugar or carbs or calories etc?

All those restrictions and controlling of food, the obsessive thoughts about your body and never been satisfied. You will never be happy, you will go a little crazy with the control as well.

I have never really had a goal body or been obsessed with looking a certain way. Not even when i was sick... then it was more, i wanted to and felt i needed to lose weight, but weightloss was also a consequence of me not eating... it didnt begin with me thinking i was fat and having to lose weight. I compared myself alot while i was sick, but i never had a picture of a person or looked at loads of pro ana and had hopes of looking like one of those.
However i did go through a phase where shaping my body with exercise became a goal.... wanting to look different. Both for the right and wrong reasons, i wanted to get stronger but of course thoughts of wanting to look different to how i was then were thoughts that at time controlled me. It makes you eat, exercise and think differently and not necessarily in a good way.

When i let go of the thoughts of changing my body or wanting to look a certain way and instead just exercised what i wanted to that day and not so much thinking about 'muscle gain' or what i should or shouldnt do. Not thinking about whats best pre or post workout or when to eat what and why. Then i became happier and felt less stress..... there was an unconscious stress but also a sadness because the comparison late at night when you would see people looking the way you wanted to look. Thats not good for anyones self esteem.
   But when i realised that HAPPINESS was my goal and not how my body looked or my body changing then i did feel happier. In all aspects of my life.

Why have a goal of wanting to look a certain way if it will never make you happy? If you spend your whole life just focusing and obsessing on your body but letting life slip you by?

This post has become a jumble of thoughts, not quite able to express myself. But i want you to think about if you have a goal to look a certain way..... what are you sacrificing? Are you actually happy now trying to reach that goal? Why do you think you will be happier when you look a certain way? Are you obsessed and using unhealthy methods to try to look a certain way?


  1. but what if being skinny makes me happy?

    1. Well then you have to ask yourself do your habits and behaviours to be skinny make you happy? Do you isolate yourself? Restrict yourself and live a half life just to try to be skinny? Sure if skinny makes you happy... but does it make you healthy? Do you want to be 50 years old, have frail bones and think that you spent yiur whole life just wanting to look a certain way but never really living life?