Even while struggling with an eating disorder a person might not really know what is going on, what they are doing, there is no guidebook of.... this will happen next. You have to do this then this then this on how to recover. Recovery is different for everyone, some choose and fight to recover to recover, some dont, some dont get the chance to choose or fight for recovery.
With this post i thought i would write about those small awful negative things about eating disorders that people who havent suffered often arent aware about.
- Getting acid reflux because you purge so much - i still suffer from very bad acid reflux and medicine doesnt always help. I can get tears because it burns so badly and there are some foods i have to avoid because they give me so much of it.
- Rumination syndrome... i suffered with this when i was sick i.e regurgitating food from your stomach, rechewing it and then swallowing again. It happened unintentionally for me as i had been purging so often so it was like my stomach couldnt quite keep the food down. As it happened unintentionally i had to intentionally try to stop it... try to make sure that food didnt come up after i had eaten.
- Chewing and spitting. When you are so desperate to eat or try a food, but wont let yourself actually eat it... i spent most of Christmas 2010 doing this... i wanted to try the chocolate, the bread, the delicious food... but i wouldnt allow myself. The desperate anxiety inside of me, terrrified of swallowing some chocolate but all i wanted to do was eat the whole box.
- Laxative abuse.... when you abuse laxatives so much that you can barely 'keep it in anymore'. And if you dont use laxatives then you cant go to the bathroom at all. Also the cramps, the pain and the sweating when you use laxatives on an empty stomach or you overdose on laxatives. I think that is one of the worst physical pains i have been through (and i have had 2 operations as well as self harmed and dont all kinds of crazy things to my body.) But lying curled up in a ball, with the worst cramps ever as your intestines are working and trying to 'soften' the food you have eaten. There is nothing you can do about the pain either... drinking water, moving... it all hurts. Instead you lie there with extreme pain just wanting it to be over.
- Becoming incontent because your bladder muscle becomes to weak..... Imagine being 14/15 years old and you can barely be in town for an hour without feeling like you have to pee yourself because your bladder muscle is too weak? It is awful. However that is no longer a problem now, hahaha XD