Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, February 3, 2015

What you arent told about eating disorders Part 1

In media, eating disorders seem to be glamourized especially on websites like Tumblr or even Instagram. Many people not really aware of what an eating disorder actually is, thinking that people are just obsessed with their appearance and want to lose weight. Not eating because they dont like food or because they have super self control.
Even while struggling with an eating disorder a person might not really know what is going on, what they are doing, there is no guidebook of.... this will happen next. You have to do this then this then this on how to recover. Recovery is different for everyone, some choose and fight to recover to recover, some dont, some dont get the chance to choose or fight for recovery.

With this post i thought i would write about those small awful negative things about eating disorders that people who havent suffered often arent aware about.

  • Getting acid reflux because you purge so much - i still suffer from very bad acid reflux and medicine doesnt always help. I can get tears because it burns so badly and there are some foods i have to avoid because they give me so much of it.
  • Rumination syndrome... i suffered with this when i was sick i.e regurgitating food from your stomach, rechewing it and then swallowing again. It happened unintentionally for me as i had been purging so often so it was like my stomach couldnt quite keep the food down. As it happened unintentionally i had to intentionally try to stop it... try to make sure that food didnt come up after i had eaten.
  • Chewing and spitting. When you are so desperate to eat or try a food, but wont let yourself actually eat it... i spent most of Christmas 2010 doing this... i wanted to try the chocolate, the bread, the delicious food... but i wouldnt allow myself. The desperate anxiety inside of me, terrrified of swallowing some chocolate but all i wanted to do was eat the whole box.
  • Laxative abuse.... when you abuse laxatives so much that you can barely 'keep it in anymore'. And if you dont use laxatives then you cant go to the bathroom at all. Also the cramps, the pain and the sweating when you use laxatives on an empty stomach or you overdose on laxatives. I think that is one of the worst physical pains i have been through (and i have had 2 operations as well as self harmed and dont all kinds of crazy things to my body.) But lying curled up in a ball, with the worst cramps ever as your intestines are working and trying to 'soften' the food you have eaten. There is nothing you can do about the pain either... drinking water, moving... it all hurts. Instead you lie there with extreme pain just wanting it to be over.
  • Becoming incontent because your bladder muscle becomes to weak..... Imagine being 14/15 years old and you can barely be in town for an hour without feeling like you have to pee yourself because your bladder muscle is too weak? It is awful. However that is no longer a problem now, hahaha XD

I had so many of these things i realised i could write about so part 2 will be up tomorrow, and there might even be a part 3. 
    This post is to make you realise just how bad things can get but also to a friend or family member of someone who is suffering, to know what its really like to suffer from an eating disorder.


  1. Hi. I shared this page to
    Hope it is ok. You are welcome to join.

    1. Thats fine that you shared it :) The group is private so i couldnt see the post... but i was wondering is the group secret.... like if i join, none of my friends can see that i joined? hahah... its just that i dont want it to come up on my feed that i joined an eating disorder survivors group!!

    2. Yes, I think it is secret, because when I looked through all the groups I am in none of the ED groups came up on the list. I think a lot think it is important that it is a secret, so hopefully it is. Happy if you will join:)

  2. I have all of the above. Especially rumination syndrome - which is one of the most horrible things to experience but at the same time. You can get a kick out of it, after all it lets you eat and re-eat something over and over again without any additional calories. People find this hard to understand but for me anyway there was some sort of weird pleasure out of it (as well as a ton of negative unpleasurable aspects).

  3. Could you please write a post about intuitive eating? I'm recovered and weight restored and have been for about 2 years or so. My focur was never on my appearance, but just the food itself. I completely "ruined" my fullness and hunger signals. During recovery I was set on a meal plan and I ate all the food without guilt. I became gradually more obsessed with following my meal plan, and so I didn't re-learn how to interpret my body's fullness and hunger signals. (I'm doing strength training 3-4 times a week now and trying to gain some muscle my BMI is 19,4 and I have a regular period.)
    I have gotten used to eating by following a meal plan. I calculated a meal plan that have my needs for energy, protein, carbs and fats. But my PT/coach that I hired to teach me how to properly do strength training, told me that it is extremely important that I start listening to my hunger and fullness signals. I am so used to following a meal plan that I will loose weight if I am very active and burn more than my meal plan says to eat. And the other way around. If I study and sit a lot, then I might not be hungry at all, but I still eat accordingly to my meal plan, which causes me to gain weight.

    Could you write like a "how to"-post regarding intuitive eating? You seem so good at it ;)

    I've tried during the past few days and what I'm noticing is that during my meal I feel the energy from the food, and the gradual fullness-signs. I try to stop when I feel full enough and when my energy level is on top again. But I had to leave a small amount of food on my plate, because I felt satisfied! That's progress, for me anyway! I do not want to loose weight, I just want to get a healthier relationship with meals and fullness/hunger.

    For my night snack I wasn't hungry at the time my meal plan says to eat (8 PM), so I waited till when I felt like eating (9.30 PM!!!). I was craving cottage cheese and coconutmilk with frozen raspberries. My meal plan has 100 g (uncooked weight) basmati rice in addition of this. But I felt more like eating a handful of chickpeas. This is revolutionary for me, and I feel so much better at trusting my body. But I still have that little voice in my head telling me to eat what it says in the meal plan (it has ca. 2400 kcal for your information). 33% carbs, 46% fat and 19% protein. I eat pretty much the same types of food as you but in different quantities. And I follow the biorhythm principles <-- this is because my coach/PT made a meal plan to me to achieve muscle gain and progress in my strength (I'VE HAD GREAT PROGRESS during the past three months!!)
    But I'm not really sure if I want to follow the biorhythm principals (more fat earlier on the day, and more carbs later on the day) It works just fine and I have a lot of energy and all, but.. why change something that's working perfectly fine?

    Hope you have some clever answers :) Maybe this fits better as just a reply to this comment rather than a post about intuitive eating.. :) X

  4. Your blog is very inspiring and informative.
    It is so important to inform people who restrict their food about long term dangers. I hope that many of these young girls see this post!

    I just posted a new weekly food diary on my blog, and I would love to know your opinion on it :)