Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, February 14, 2015

Friday night date & nightmare

Hello :)
   I thought i would quickly write a little update about yesterday but also i feel the need to write about my nightmare i had yesterday... which was a pretty awful one.
  But ill start with my night yesterday where i got to meet A's best friend.... He is the type of person who can say awkward things and likes to make the situation awkward, so i was a bit worried but it all went really well!! Though the place we went to was fully booked so we had to sit in the bar for a while and didnt get to eat dinner until about 9.30/10pm... and then we had planned on playing pool or bowling but they were all fully booked so instead we took a walk and then we headed home as A stayed at my place last night!!

It was a really good evening and i had alot of fun, infact i must admit i am kind of proud of how much i have stepped outside of my comfort zone in just these 2 months of the year? Letting go of a lot of control, doing new things that scare me etc As ive mentioned before, I believe my ED was a result of control issues and wanting control so yes, having some sort of control and plan over life gives me comfort. But recently stepping outside of my comfort zone more, doing new things, experiencing new things... its fun, even if at times i can feel this clump of anxiety in my stomach, but thats ok. Thats just because things are new and different!

Onto my nightmare though..... i dreamt that i had been showing A some old pictures in a picture book and then a picture of me when i was sick falls out of the picture book and he asks me if that is me. And i say yes, that i went through some tough times in the past... he then picks up the picture and looks at it and tells me that i looked alot better in that photo than i do now.... though i was just skin and bones in the picture. And then i begin getting all these weird thoughts and starting feeling really uncomfortable because he said i looked better before....
   It was not nice to wake up to those thoughts and feelings. I dont really know why i am writing this out... i guess i feel i just needed to get it out of my system, think rationally and remind myself that it was a nightmare. That i am pretty sure he doesnt think i would look better weighing 25kg less....

I am happy in my body now and how i feel and that is the most important!!! Now however its time for breakfast so im going to end this post now :)
  I hope you all have a nice day, and i promise to reply to comments as soon as i can!!


  1. izzy, believe me, he would never ever say this. He is a man and they never wanted bony girls. That is just Society telling us :( take my boyfriend for example - when i was Young people at School Used to make fun of my Butt, because i don't have such a small one... And now it's the things he loves MOST! And i can understand now - i'm a Runner and i love to Squat and recently the whole world tries to get a bigger bum by squatting! So feel great now :)
    He will love things about you, that you maybe don't. But he would never ever say sth like that. Believe us; when we Tell you how healthy and happy you look. And he wouldn't date you if he doesn't find you sexy RIGHT NOW :)

    Christine S.

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  3. Dont know why but I saw this and instantly thought of you ;)

  4. i hate ed related nightmares (/.\) i ha a lot of those while recovering

    i hope you are ok and that youll forget that dream :/

  5. Izzy, my brother actually married a girl who had an eating disorder in the past--when he saw pictures of her as she was before, he was sad and shared with her how thankful he was that she got help, because to him, those pictures translated to looking like an unhappy time of her life, and he hated to think of her living in distress. So if your boyfriend ever did see pictures of you like that, I'm sure that he would be alarmed and share with you how happy he is that you're okay now and not in danger of death. Only really dark jerks of guys like to see girls hurt and in distress and skin and bones. But if you choose right, you won't be with a jerk, and from what it sounds like, your boyfriend isn't a jerk! Don't worry, nightmares often mix truth and lies, so there may have been true elements in your dream, but they are distorted. Hope you get a chance to talk to A about this and not be afraid to share your life story. Especially if you are thinking this relationship will be long-term. It does no good to hide things from the person you love. Only complicates/confuses things. Most non-jerk guys really respect and admire girls who have overcome eating disorders, trust me, I have four brothers, and hands-down none of them find bony/obsessed women attracted. They may have had their heads turned by some of them in the past, but nothing lasting, and they realized how sick they were. You know, everyone says 'follow your dreams', but don't follow them if they're leading you down a hole. Set boundaries with yourself, don't let yourself "go there" and think about how A might think about you. You only really know what he tells you; so ask, if you really want to know. In the long run he'll be glad that you didn't conceal your life and only show him the "good side". That's not realistic partnership; being with someone is the good and the bad, that's all there is to it. Be clear and be transparent, that's what love is about.