Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, February 26, 2015

Do i remember what it is like to have an eating disorder?

I got asked whether i even remember what its like to have an eating disorder, and to answer this honestly. To some extent No. That is recovery.

The thoughts, the anxiety, the fears, the guilt, the eating disorder thoughts and mind sets passes. That is recovery, if i still knew what and felt what it was like to have an eating disorder then i wouldnt be fully recovered. I dont have a voice in my head controlling me, making me obsessed with comparison, ED thoughts or habits. I live a free life i control my own mind and when i do think negatively or have bad days i can change those thoughts and they usually pass within a day or a few days.
  Of course i still have my memories and i can remember what its like to feel the extreme guilt and anxiety, but as each day passes it fades because thats not me anymore. It would be strange if i still remember exactly how it felt to feel guilty and anxious after eating or to feel fear before eating chocolate, but i dont feel that. I am free.

The thoughts and feelings they pass over time. That is recovery. Does that mean that i cant help as much? Well eventually there will come a day when i feel that i might not be as much help as i was just a year after recovery or so. But in all honesty i dont know if i want to spend my whole life blogging about eating disorders and about my past either... eventually i will move more towards health, nutrition and exercise and not have my past involved in that because i feel i am so judged on my  blog here about my choices now a days just because of my past.
  I dont want to be seen or judged as the girl who had an eating disorder, but see me as the healthy girl i am now. And choices are based on what is best for me, how i feel and what i feel like right then. Somedays i have lots of energy and do lots of things, somedays i forget to eat and only eat a few times. Somedays i spent the whole day in bed, somedays i eat lots or eat half a jar of nut butter or 5 slices of bread after breakfast. Everyday is different and none of those things or choices are related to my past.

However i feel this post is getting very off topic - too many thoughts at once. But i was accused of being wrong because what i post can trigger those who are sick, but the fact is its not my responsibility to be completely trigger free because what triggers people can be very different. I can only do my best and to post things which i feel i want to post, to write what i want to write and if someone doesnt like what i post or write, then it is their decision to stop following or reading for their own sake. There will always be triggers out there and instead of accusing someone else of doing wrong, you have to deal with the triggers, comparison etc within yourself because the triggers wont just disappear, its YOU who has to make the triggers not triggers and learn to not compare yourself to others. Its tough, its not easy but thats the only thing that will give you mental peace.

Before this post becomes too scattered and too many different things at once, im going to end it here... and hopefully it makes some sense and i have gotten something important and useful information out in this post :):)


^^When i look at those pictures it doesnt feel like it was me... When i took those pictures i felt like the fatest person alive. All i saw was fat and didnt understand how people could tell me i was skinny or had anorexia, it made no sense to me at all because i couldnt see how skinny i was.
Now however i look at those photos and think, how could anyone want to have that body as an inspiration? Or want to look like that, i was by no means healthy or happy at all.

^^In "recovery" when i actually did  eat, i thought this was enough for a lunch.... ???


  1. you are amazing! i wish i could be strong and powerful like you in your recoverytime and now...
    (I´m sorry for my bad english... :P )

    1. Thank you. You CAN recover, you can get your life back and be happy again. You just need to keep choosing recovery and know that it gets better, you have to fight the bad days to get the good days!

  2. Still, It wasn't to accuse you, I just wanted to hear your opinion :p

  3. As I've already said in another post and many others say as well: you're amazing, you really are! I don't think you're triggering anything on your blog and as you said, those who don't like what you write shouldn't follow your blog. Everybody has to find their own triggers and it is up to them to stop being exposed to their triggers. If someone is not able to steer clear of possible triggers than this is their problem and they have to deal with it themselves. People like this, who keep on looking at triggering pictures or read triggering posts, are far from being recovered. They are still all into their sick behaviors and you shouldn't feel bad about it.
    Your blog is just wonderful and I enjoy reading all of your posts. To me, you're my inspiration to fully recover from anorexia (I'm in half recovery right now).

    All the best and stay strong! <3

    1. Thank you so much!!! Stay strong you can recover as well :) x

  4. where did you get your shirt in the last picture ?? I love itt!!

  5. The first picture is so powerful, you look so haunted and shut off, just like my mum said I did when I was in the worst of my AN. More powerful however is just how beautifal and happy you look now! Happiness and inner peace is so much more important than beauty, but with one comes another, and you look positively glowing now!

  6. Then please, PLEASE, stop accusing fitness IGers of being messed up just because they work out multiple times or post salad. Lately you work out MUCH more and you post abs etc blablabla. Nothing wrong with it, you do you, but do not look down on people who do the EXACT SAME. Again, I don't mind you posting abs or runs or whatever.
    Just food for thought, have a good one

    1. -_-' I dont look down on them, the post i made forever ago was basically stating that there ARE people who most probably have a messed up mind who hide behind the 'fitspo' identitiy to hide that their behaviour is unhealthy. But no, i dont know the people so i cant judge them and im not saying they are sick, i just stated that in my opinion there are many accounts on Tumblr and IG where people claim to be recovered or just being healthy but yet what they post and write just doesnt seem healthy at all. But you're right, its not up to me to judge them.... but just like you write your opinion of me, i have my right to write down my opinion.

    2. Except I never stated an opinion on you, I literally said I don't mind your pictures like that and only brought up a (true) statement pertaining to how you described certain other bloggers..