Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Dealing with past traumatic events

Recovery is not easy by any means, you do go through alot and experience things and often have to do things you don't want to... that's part of recovery.  However there are some treatment centres which just don't know what they are doing and can cause some long term stress or scars.
I am quite open about the fact that for a very long time I struggled with sleeping anywhere apart from in my own bed. Travelling gave me anxiety because at night I would feel anxious because I wasn't in my own bed and I couldn't sleep at friends houses. In fact I was very surprised that I could even sleep at A's place the first time. But I didn't feel any anxiety and now it's just like my own bed when I sleep there :) so staying at A's place has helped me overcome that fear... but for 3 years I've struggled with getting anxiety if I've slept away from home and that is because of all the months I spent as an inpatient in different hospitals. I also have a huge fear of being admitted to hospital, something which can happen regularly when a person has CF. But I refuse, I won't be admitted. I also hate doctors appointments, doesn't matter what type it is. I hate it.... All because of my years in hospital during my illness.
    Long term scars as I call it. Because recovery was traumatic in some ways, especially when you are so young and going through recovery. Forced to spend months locked away in a building with staff and other sick people, there is nothing healthy about that situation. I even had restricted meeting time with my family... I.e for a period of about a week or two I wasn't allowed to meet family because the staff said it triggered me too much and made me too upset. that didn't help me at all.... I wasn't allowed to just call my mum whenever I wanted to either. 

So how to work past these traumatic events or things that can still give you nightmares (because I can still get nightmares about Mando and being admitted.) ?

I would suggest that first you figure out what it is that is scaring you and still causing you problems and anxiety. Then try to think rationally or work through those fears by talking about it with someone or trying to convince and remind yourself why those things shouldn't bother or scare you anymore.
Everyone's fears are different so it's hard to give proper advice as it can be so different for everybody.  But when it's things from your recovery that still bother you then talking about them with someone can really help. And trying to overcome the fears..... for example, the only way I could overcome my anxiety and fear over sleeping somewhere else was to do just that.... when I was away from home I would remind myself that it was ok. I would be home again soon and that helped a bit.

If you do have things that bother you or can trigger you and make you feel bad in anyway i think it is important to talk about them. To not just let them keep bothering you, but instead talk to a parent or friend or a therapist. They might be able to help you and give you some advice on what to do so that you can overcome those fears.

Fears can either be rational or irritional (i.e my sleeping away from home was a very irrational fear, but the only way to overcome it was to face the fear, to do what scared me and it helped. 

Dont feel alone with what you are struggling or if there is something on your mind, it can help if you try to put words to those thoughts or fears whether its through words or talking. But acknowledging that its a fear or something that bothers you and then making a plan to over come it is the first step to actually overcoming the fear!!

1 comment:

  1. to tell the truth... the most traumatic event for me was my dad saying i was ugly when i was saverely underweight :( he taught that it will make me change my mind and make me see what he saw but that didnt happen. he only left a bad memory which i doubt i will ever forget .... but as you would say... thats life