Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Sunday, January 4, 2015

Readers progress and recovery

Getting this email from a lovely reader put a huge smile on my face and she worded it so perfectly and if anyone is struggling right now and is struggling to choose life, then read this and hopefully it will inspire you to keep going and not give up!!

Hello Izzy!!
So I was thinking, about the past tear and I decoded to write some things out and decided to share with you :) a lot of these Ive talked about in emails but I wanted to recollect some parts of my ED and look at it as a whole. 

Here it is:

Looking back on this year...well, looking at the pictures I can describe exactly at what state of my ED I was. It seems like whatever picture I see of myself from the last year and a half is seen along with my ED. I want that to change. My ED is no longer a part of me, I don't get triggered by bodies or comments or someone's eating habits anymore, I don't long for being sick, I have accepted my body the way it is. I do feel insecure sometimes, but at least I can smile genuinely in the mirror :), notice my so called 'imperfections' and not scold myself for being simply human. I have cellulite in some places, I have scars, I have hidden stretch marks, I have fat, I have muscle, I have long brown hair that also match my eyes. Being healthy became more important than being thin or skinny or underweight. I realized I have an ED. It took a while (it was long enough) because in my case (EDNOS) you could say I had a combination of EDs. There were no basic guidelines, not much I could refer to. There were other EDs I did not fit, so of course I thought what I was going through was normal, 'everybody does it'. But then I realized that starving myself, binging, later, overexercising, constantly going back and forth-all in order to cope with...everything WAS a problem, there was clearly something wrong if it was all done to cope. 

It was a rocky road. I didn't just come to the realization that I had to recover and magically stopped restricting. It took many weeks and months to reduce the days I engaged in unhealthy eating habits. It was hard to keep eating certain foods, to continue being healthy. When recovering from a restrictive ED, like anorexia or orthorexia, one typically has fear foods. Well, my biggest feat was not certain foods, but staying on the same path, eating continuously, without constantly compensating in between. My fear was in eating 'normally' for too long, not being able to escape to my own safe little world, that welcomed me with open arms every single time I ran in tears towards it. 

Today I have goals, Im so much more positive, I feel so much better. Though life can be hard, loved ones get sick (in my case a close person to my family Ive known since a child, who officially became a relative due to marriage to my cousin, was diagnosed with cancer), tests creep up on you, stress grows. But even with all those problems it cannot compare with how my life was just a few months ago. Theres so much more I could say about the ED. But at this point it doesn't matter so much. The point is, I think its safe to say I am happy! Im happy because I made it that way. Sure, it can be hard, there could be anything from abuse to divorce to plain stress in your life. But starving/binging/overexercising/cutting/isolating yourself-anything!! It will never help, not in the long run, I know. Fight for your life, no matter how hard or unreachable it may seem is what I want everyone to realize!! To keep doing the next right thing. Because anyone has a chance, everyone has the right to live, if you believe in yourself, if you fight for YOUR life and YOUR happiness it is possible!! Some things I have realized to be true :)

I never thought I would be able to accept my body unless it was an underweight one (though even when I was slightly under weight I hated myself). Stress and anxiety was dealt with by starving, scratching rashes until bleeding point. I remember waking up to little red spots on my pillow because even in the night I scratched my scalp until it started bleeding a bit. There were painful rashes on both my arms, scalp, front and back of neck and a little bit on the back of my knee. At first it started as a simple rash, but then it escalated into a bad coping mechanism. 

While Im writing this Im sitting in bed. Im not hungry, Im comfortably full from the food I ate about an hour or two ago. No guilt, no anxiety. Milk chocolate almonds are soo delicious!! And so is root bear (American soft drink*) and quinoa and brown rice and danishes and vanilla yogurt with berries with an orange on the side-some things I ate today!! 

 So much has changed, generally for the best!! Im happier, healthier and much more open. Im still me but with a healthier mind I'm much more open and positive now :) 

Happy New Year!!! :) ^_^ :D


  1. :) That is so lovely, and truly inspiring <3 thanks so much for sharing :) xxxxx

    1. Thank you so much! :)

  2. Wow so proud of this person. They had a rough run. Glad they can except themselves for the wonderful person I'm sure they are.

    1. Thank you!! This put such a smile on my face! :)
      And thank you Izzy for everything you do and for posting this! :)