Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, January 15, 2015

My letter to anorexia

I found this in one of my old diaries (there was no date and cant remember when i wrote it), but i had completely forgotten that i had done this. But i thought it was super interesting to read.

Having an eating disorder is a constant battle between you and something else in your head... its like this abusive voice in your head who controls you, and you know you shouldnt. You know what you need to do, you know what the right thing to do is. But still, the voice in your head is stronger than you. So even if you know you have to eat and you want to eat, that voice tells you that you shouldnt. No matter how much weight you lose, the voice is never happy. Keep abusing you, you keep hearing these awful things in your head. This is just a way to break you down, keep making you weaker.

You know what you have to do instead? You have to fight the voice and go against it, because that makes YOU stronger. That makes it easier because you become stronger than the voice and suddenlythe voice becomes a whisper and then the voice disappears and you are free. But you have to take control back and become stronger. Because you wont recover by just doing what the voice in your wants you to do.
  You could almost see an eating disoder as an abusive relationship. I have never been in an abusive relationship, but i have read posts and drafts from people who have been in one, and its like they are stuck. They know they should leave, but somehow  they believe the things that their abusive partner shouts at them and keeps making them weaker. Making it harder to break free, because somehow there is a comfort and you feel safe even if you are broken down and called abusive things everyday. But you need to take a deep breathe and fight back and become stronger.

Below: The "letter" i wrote to anorexia.

Im not going to let you take over me again
Now its time for me to live my life.
You've taken too much of my life already. 
I could have had good memories, but you've taken them from me.
Half of my teenage years are gone.
All i remember is sadness and anxiety.
Are you happy?
Does it make you smile?
Not even when i dont eat, and over exercise.
Not even then. 
You're still not satisfied.
You just get angrier.
You shout more abuse at me.
Scream at me.
Make me self harm.
Make me purge.
Make me lie.
Make me scream at my family.
Make me run until i collapse.
Because you're not happy,
you make me go through pain and suffering.
Make me see and believe things that arent true.
Why do you hate me having a life?
Why do you want to ruin it?
Why do you want to control my life?

No comments:

Post a Comment