Having an eating disorder is a constant battle between you and something else in your head... its like this abusive voice in your head who controls you, and you know you shouldnt. You know what you need to do, you know what the right thing to do is. But still, the voice in your head is stronger than you. So even if you know you have to eat and you want to eat, that voice tells you that you shouldnt. No matter how much weight you lose, the voice is never happy. Keep abusing you, you keep hearing these awful things in your head. This is just a way to break you down, keep making you weaker.
You know what you have to do instead? You have to fight the voice and go against it, because that makes YOU stronger. That makes it easier because you become stronger than the voice and suddenlythe voice becomes a whisper and then the voice disappears and you are free. But you have to take control back and become stronger. Because you wont recover by just doing what the voice in your wants you to do.
You could almost see an eating disoder as an abusive relationship. I have never been in an abusive relationship, but i have read posts and drafts from people who have been in one, and its like they are stuck. They know they should leave, but somehow they believe the things that their abusive partner shouts at them and keeps making them weaker. Making it harder to break free, because somehow there is a comfort and you feel safe even if you are broken down and called abusive things everyday. But you need to take a deep breathe and fight back and become stronger.
Below: The "letter" i wrote to anorexia.