Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Saturday, January 31, 2015

In a relationship vs. being single - my thoughts

I thought i would write a little post about being in a relationship vs. being single.

Now i am no relationship expert and i am not pretending to be either, but i am going to say from my own experience (which isnt that much, but still).
  It can often feel like you will be single forever when you are single. You see other people in relationships and you wonder what is wrong with you? You think that its your appearance, or your personality or your characteristics. But you know what... its not. Its just that you havent found anyone who suits you. Relationship work both ways... i.e you have to like the person and the person has to like you back.
   It can be hard to find someone you like though if you go to a small school or you only hang out with your friends in your class and you never meet anyone new. So it does require meeting new people... whether its friends of friends, going out, joining a group/hobby, joining a sports group or even online is the new thing. (Though of course, remember there are risks involved with this!)

For me personally i was hung up one guy which i liked in my school since 2,5 years ago. But the fact that i had never spoken to him, didnt know so much about him or his personality so much... it was more a vain crush. Liking his appearance... who knows, we could have been compatible but it would have required talking which i wasnt confident enough to do.

Know that if you are single, its not because no one likes you its because you havent found the right one for you. Whether it takes 5 years, 2 months or 3 weeks to find the right person for you... there is somone who is out there for you.

Now i dont know if i believe in soulmates and im not going to say anything about my current relationship because we're still in the beginning stages.. i dont know what will happen. But i like the guy, i like spending time with him. I feel comfortable and feel happy. And for me, that is what i want. He is nice, he is funny and i like spending time with him, finding out more things about him as well as doing things together.
    The beginning of a relationship is usually awkward if you dont know the person so well.... you have to find things to talk about, things to do. You have to find out if you like the person or not, whether you are compatible or not. For some people they know after the first date, others know after the 5th date. Though the worst thing you can do is lead someone on if you know its not going anywhere, thats not fair for anyone.

So... after spending pretty much 99% of my life single, apart from two or three guys, i wasnt with anyone i really liked. Either it was peer pressure or i was trying to find out whether i liked the person or not. Not sure what i wanted or how i felt... and that of course lead to not much happening. Because if you dont show interest yourself then the other person might not be so interested either as it shouldnt be a one way relationship.

When you are in a relationship life, routines and habits change. You do things spontaneously, you dont have your same routines. My spending the evening with series or youtube is now spent watching films with A. Not eating dinner on my own (Because my family work evenings) . Also the time spent travelling!!!
   Finding time for things can also be harder when you try to balance school/work, hobbies, personal and social life. For me, i of course choose to spend time with my friends, family, boyfriend over exercising. I exercise if i have time for it... but school work is also on my number 1 list. So things like that change.... though not so much right now because during school days i still workout during the same times and then spend the evening with A if i have time for it.

When you are single you have more freetime and hey... you can look at other people and not feel guilty for it. You can be chatted up by random people (if you enjoy that) or flirt with people. You wont be single forever even if it feels like that. Of course i know, there are people who arent interested in relationships or anything sexual and THAT IS OK. Trust me, that is ok. Everyone is different and not everyone wants a relationship or to even do anything sexual. That is your choice and you should do what is best for you :) Some people are perfectly happy being single and that is AWESOME. I was also happy being single, of course i wanted a boyfriend and to have a relationship but it just sort of happened. I started talking to a guy, then we met and then we kept  going for dates until we both knew what we wanted which was to start a relationship. And like already mentioned, who knows where this is going... but im not going to think about that. Instead live in the moment and enjoy how life is right now!!



Now i feel this post has just dragged on and ive written about myself (as usual.) but what i want to say is DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU ARE SINGLE. It is not you. Give it time. I mean do you really want to spend your whole life in a relationship? Enjoy the time you are single, but also if you want a relationship... then start meeting new people. You cant expect some perfect stranger to walk up to you and ask you out if you dont do anything different or you dont step outside of your comfort zone to get to know new people!!
   Also give it time :) There is more to life than relationships, focus on other things as welll.


So if you are feeling bad or feeling like the only single friend or person, you arent. And most people do feel lonely or a little jealous when their friends are in relationships and such, but one day you will also be in a relationship if thats what YOU want.




10 comments:

  1. I am not sure if this question is unapropriate or not but could you do a post about anorexia and the lack of sexual interest? i developed my ed at the age of 18 and prior to this I found an interest in boys. however now battling with anorexia I have very little sexual" Desire" which also causes problems in terms of relationships both when in a relationship and even putting yourself out there to find that special one. ps the post does not need to be a personal experience kind of post if the topic is too privat but I jusy thought I might not be the only one experience this problem

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    1. Hi! I´m not Izzy, but this is a topic I just spoke to my gynecologist with. And I know how you feel, I myself find myself with no sexual feelings at all.
      The doctor told me that it is the lack of hormones in your blood stream that makes you feel this way. When underweight the pituitary gland stops making hormones that would keep your lady parts producing estrogen. And this lack of hormones means no sexual desire.
      The doctor told me that the only way to treat this is get into a healthy body weight and let the body´s hormonal system repair itself.
      So lets keep going for that restored weight!

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    2. thank you sooo much for the answer!! :)

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    3. Im glad you got some sort of answer :) But i will try write a post about this as well as you arent alone in feeling this way. I lost all sort of sexual thoughts/desires when i was sick... of course i was young so that thing wasnt the first thing on my mind anyway.

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  2. I really loved this post. I do feel better and more confident after reading this post as i am single.
    Thank You :)

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    Replies
    1. Dont worry you wont be single forever, you will find the right person someday :) Dating really isnt as easy as it seems in movies!!

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  3. Which is totally fine, of course, but as we all know, sex is important in a relationship. It's not just good for keeping that bond intact, swinger sitesi

    ReplyDelete