Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Friday, January 16, 2015
Dont let your past define your future
I have gotten quite alot of questions regarding why i dont tell people about my past or who i tell. And well the simple answer to this is that i dont want my past to define me. I made some silly mistakes, i did some silly things and i dont want to be seen as the past depressed, self harmer, anorexic girl..... because then suddenly people begin focusing on your body, on the way you eat etc its like they begin secretly watching you because you have suddenly changed for them, when in reality you are just your usual self. The only thing that has changed is that you have opened up about your past.
This of course isnt the case for everyone, but for me personally. That is how i have felt when i have told someone about my past... and i didnt like the way the person changed. The people who have been with me through thick and thin, they have changed with me. They have seen me grow and develop and feel no need to analyze or watch me. I am just a normal and healthy person again. Somedays i eat more, somedays i eat less, somedays i leave food on the plate, somedays i eat 2 or 3 portions. Somdays i both run and strength train, somedays i dont workout for a few days. And that is all normal, its nothing that needs to be analyzed or reflected upon and my history doesnt need to be brought up into thought.
My close friends in school now who i have known almost 3 years, they dont know about my past. Or i think one or two of them might as they stumbled upon some of my social media, but they havent directly spoken to me about it, just mentioned something and i havent felt the need to bring it up. I would much rather that they come to me and tell me that they saw that picture or read that post etc
I feel no need to tell my new friends, if they ask and they want to know then i might end up mentioning something, but then i will wait for that moment and not be the one to speak first. Just like with my CF, they dont know about that.
With people i date, then i think my history will be kept a secret until a long time. Until i feel comfortable enough to open up about it. Until i feel that i wont be judged or that the person wont change (i know they might not change, but its like i percieve a change or notice small things they begin doing differently).
Its funny how i am so open about it on here and online, but when it comes to real life then i really amnt so open about my history, but its mostly because i dont want to be judged or defined by it.
If someone says they tried to commit suicide 3 years ago, then thats how you end up seeing and remembering the person. That little fact gets stuck in your head, and it may not change your perception of the person, but it still does something in your mind. Yóu might begin feeling sorry for the person, or wondering what made that person want to commit suicide and some people become very scared or strange when someone mentions something like that. Its like a little past fact can change a whole person.
In the future i think i might be more open about it. I have had articles written about me as well as i do want to reach out to more people with my blog and words and maybe even publish a book, so then i cant be so quiet about my whole past if i am wanting to reach out to more people. But as strange as it sounds, i would much rather that people find out about my past by reading an article about me than having to go up to the person and say it all......
It's very strange i know, but i guess that shows just how tough i can find it to speak to people and open up. But im working on it :)
I feel like i just wrote a bunch of thoughts and uselessness, haha. Alot came to my mind when i was writing this post :) But you got your simple answer at the top anyway!!!