Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, January 17, 2015

Breaking a sugar and diet soda addiction

Since i mentioned a few days ago that i struggled with a sugar and diet soda addiction during my recovery i have gotten alot of emails and questions regarding just this. I have been hesitant to write about this as i know it can trigger some people in recovery because you do HAVE TO eat more sweet stuff and you might also be craving more sweet stuff. But its more the energy you want, but also because you have deprived your body of that type of food, so now it wants it even more. NO, i would not call that a sugar addiction.

Even if you eat a bit of chocolate everyday, that doesnt have to be a sugar addiction. Some weeks i eat chocolate 5-7 days a week and im not sugar adddicted. Other times it goes 2-4 weeks before i eat chocolate. Sometimes the reason you crave that bit of chocolate is because your body needs magnesium, or wants more energy so you can try eating nuts and seeds instead.

You can skip this post if you feel you might get triggered by it, but remember when you are in recovery its not the same thing as being recovered. When you have a sugar addiction, just like any addiction whether its smoking, alcohol, eating too much food, exercising too much etc it needs to be stop and be broken. But when you are scared about food with sugar in it, then you have to face it whether thats 3 or 5 times a week. You need to be ok with eating those types of food, and even if you face those fears 5 times a week, that doesnt mean you are sugar addicted.

During my recovery/relapse i began drinking alot of diet soda.... it came to the stage where i would be drinking 1,5-4l Pepsi Max or Cola Zero a day... i would qo to the shop in the morning and evening to buy 1-2 big diet sodas as i didnt want to see the same staff there everyday buying 2-4 soda bottles. I drank it bcause i liked it, i do like diet soda, but it became an addiction but it was also a way of filling myself up. I drank little water at this point and mostly diet soda and i didnt eat so much either.... i was trying to eat intuitivaly but i wasnt listening or trusting my body. So even if i was hungry i wouldnt eat, so chewing gum and diet soda became my substitutes and eventually i drank more soda and chewed more gum than i ate.
   Diet soda however is really bad, and if you are addicted i can tell you...  You need to break that addiction. Diet soda increases your sugar cravings, it makes you bloat, it has aspartame which has some seriously nasty consequences if consumed too much of.

Dangers of drinking diet soda.

Combined with the diet soda i began eating alot more sweets, baked things, cake and chocolate.... this was 1) because my body needed energy as i wasnt eating enough and 2) because of the diet soda. Everyday i would eat something sweet and it wasnt just a row of chocolate or something small, but it was like 4 cookies in the morning and then 50g chocolate in the evening and maybe a slice of chocolate cake as well.... i justified it as i needed to gain weight, but i also compensated because of it, which just made the whole thing worse. I wasnt eating so much proper food or only very little of it. This carried on for a few months where i just craved more and more sugar and sweet food, normal food didnt satisfy me and i just felt bloated and awful alot of the time - which was due to the diet soda.

After my mum realised how much diet soda i was drinking she told me about the consequences of aspartame so i did some research and i decided... no more. No more diet soda. That was the first thing i began with.... i got rid of the chewing gum and diet soda and instead drank coffee, water, lemon water, tea, bubble water..... it was hard in the beginning. I got withdrawal symptoms, which showed me just how bad it was. I felt tired, got a headache, felt moody, craved diet soda even more than i ever had. It was awful because i had gotten into the habit of buying 1-2 250ml diet sodas during school and suddenly i didnt have that anymore and i began feeling more hungry again, actual hunger. Not just sweet cravings.
That made it easier to begin eating more so i tried eating more regular meals. When i cut out the diet soda i realised how much i was craving sweet stuff, it had almost become a habit as well because i spent alot of time with my friend and when i was with her we would ALWAYS drink diet soda and buy chocolate. We both craved it and wanted it and it became a highlight, as well as sitting and talking with her and spending time with her. But i then decided, i had to quite both. Both diet soda and cut down on sugar and i told my friend that... i told her that i would prefer if we bought other options like salted nuts or rice crackers or just nothing and that i would stick to coffee or water even if she wanted to buy diet soda. She was ok with that, which made it easier for me. I didnt tell my mum that i wanted to cut down on sugar as i thought that might not be a good sign but i cut down on all the baking i did which then eliminated alot of the sugar i ate.

I didnt completely cut out sugar, if i went out for coffee and cake with my family then i might have taken some or taken a biscuit if we were out walking etc i was still trying to recover, though i was doing alot better both physically and mentally. During the time i decreased my sugar intake i ate more... i ate more carbs, which is VERY VERY important. If you dont eat enough carbs your body will make you crave more sugary foods. I added more protein to my diet and healthy fats. I drank more water, pretty much never drank diet soda and i began feeling better. I wasnt bloating as much, i felt happier, i had more energy and i wasnt craving sugar as much. Infact i pretty much never craved it.... so at times it did go 4-6 weeks before i ate something like chocolate, sweets, cookies etc but it did get a little bit too strict for a while. So then i worked on finding more balance, realising that i wasnt going to just fall into a sugar addiction again, but also that i knew i could break out of it if i did.

Why you crave sugar can be many reasons... are you not sleeping enough? Not eating enough?  Not drinking enough water? Not eating enough carbs? Are you getting enough magnesium? Make sure to not drink too much diet soda.

Check all of those things first. Of course if you are eating extreme amounts of ice cream, cookies, chocolate etc everyday and its this constant craving or even eating it just because, you cant really tell why then it might be good to decrease a little (IF YOU ARE IN A HEALTHY/HEALTHIER STAGE. NOT WHEN YOU ARE UNDERWEIGHT OR STRUGGLING LOTS WITH FOOD AND GUILT/ANXIETY. BECAUSE CUTTING DOWN ON SUGAR, ELIMINATING LOTS OF FOOD WONT HELP YOU. IT JUST PUTS UP MORE RESTRICTIONS WHICH YOU WANT TO AVOID). Most people say you should just completely cut out sugar from your diet for 3-4 weeks, so you can try that. Personally i couldnt and didnt want to do that, decreasing and making healthier choices and doing all the things above but also allowing myself a biscuit or some cake if i was with my family or friends.

Its a well known fact that too much sugar isnt good for the body or mind, but too much of anything isnt good. So its just to find a balance with all foods. If you have an addiction ,its good to break it.... but if its not an addiction then there doesnt have to be anything wrong with it. Somedays or weeks you just need that extra cookie or another scoop of ice cream or you need that square of dark chocolate after dinner or lunch. Thats what i need anyway!!! (Though i must admit, since taking magnesium tablets my chocolate cravings arent really there anymore... guess my body just needed magnesium?)


  1. Thanks a lot for your answer :) I think that I crave more sweet things when I don't eat enough carbs. I'm trying to increase my intake and ive noticed that I'm more active and actually I have more energy. But I still crave chocolate sometimes, but it does not seems like an addiction, but more like...I want it because is good, and I don't think that is so bad to eat 2/3 row of chocolate sometimes... :) have a nice day :)

  2. Thank you so much for this post! I'm addicted to diet soda as well and drinking plain water is really, really hard for me. On top of that I'm 'eating' these artificial sweetener-tablets throughout the day where other people might eat chocolate or any other sweet stuff. Even though I know I'd be better off not taking all these sweeteners, I'm unable to stop. It's all a vicious cycle...

    1. I also hate drinking plain water. But I find adding some lemon juice to it really helps. It can actually satisfy my cravings for soda or sugared drinks.