Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, December 20, 2014

Why/how i stopped counting calories

Why and how i stopped counting calories:

I realised these things:

Counting calories is not practical. 
Counting calories is not normal. 
Counting calories is not natural. 
Counting calories isn’t even accurate.
Your body knows what it wants; it’s smarter than you are. Listen to it. 

I realised that eating a bit more yoghurt than what was on my meal plan wouldnt make me fat. I realised that i could eat a cinnamon bun or i could eat yoghurt with cereal and a sandwich. I realised that i loved chocolate covered nuts. I realised that i didnt want to spend my days counting calories. I realised i didnt want to see food in numbers. I started to taste food and enjoy food. I stopped seeing food in fat and sugar amount. I stopped seeing food as high calories or low calories. As low fat or diet foods. I began to face fear foods.

Calorie counting was something i had done for years... it was something i had spent time learning so that my head was a calculator. I could look at other peoples meals and estimate almost exactly how many calories they were eating and thats what i did. I sat at the table and looked at what other people ate and calculated how much they ate. I spent my days counting and counting how much i had eaten, how much i would have to exercise, i calculated the lowest calorie options and in my freetime i spent googling the calorie amount of all types of food.
  That information doesnt go away,.... ask me to calculate the amount of calories in a meal i eat now and i could guess pretty well. Though i dont do that because i dnot see the point. Who cares if my snack is 200 kcal or 700kcal, it doesnt make so much difference to me. My body is not a calculator. It uses the energy i eat and if my body doesnt use it... then it stoes it for later use. Somedays i eat more and somedays i eat less. Some meals are bigger some meals are smaller, it balances itsself out and so i have no need to count calories. But also...i dont even know how many calories i eat or how many calolries my body needs, not that it matters. A number.... a number which changes EVERYDAY depending on hormones, stress, activity, sleep, metabolism etc so there is no point counting calories either.
Calories are units of energy which your body needs. They are nothing to be scared of... who cares if you ate 2800 one day and 2990 the next day. Who cares if your body needs 3500kcal or 2600kcal... everybody is different. 
Food is fuel and energy, not numbers. So focus on food on eating food you enjoy, not what is lowest calories or no fat or sugar free... just choose what it is YOU like.

If you need more advice/help about how to stop counting calories.


  1. Izzy, i need your help. I started to be drepressed because of anorexia again.
    The obsessions about calories and nutrients and healthy food choices are comining back. I'm not able to eat not exercising anymore. If I eat I HAVE to run. The food scares me. I'm scared about my hunger i.'m scared about my fullness I'm scared about eat and rest even if I desperately need to rest! Sometimes I dream to lay on the floor and eat cookies right off the bag not doing anything and rest. Just for one day. But I can't. I 'm too scared what will happen to my body if I let it to rest and eat. Today I've cried almost all day. My mum asked me if I wanted to go to shopping instead of running, but I refused because I knew that I had eaten and for that reason I had to run.. This situation is killing me... And calories and nutrient are controlling my life more than i 'm feel always a huge whale even if I'm 167 and weight 45 kg... Can you help me?

    1. It makes me so sad to see you write this and hear that you are feeling so bad. But the truth is... You CAN lie on the floor and eat cookies. You CAN DO IT. Its just that you arent allowing yourself. You DONT have to run, trust me. You really dont. Nothing bad will happen to your body. You wont gain fat, you wont gain weight, you wont lose speed or stamina by not running. If anything, you will get more energy by resting and eating properly so that your body can recover. You are underweight and undernourished. Thats why you are dreaming and thnking of food.... but those types of food thoughts arent good because they can lead to binging as your body is undernourished and wants energy. And the way to get the energy it needs is by binging.

      It might seem scary and give you anxiety but there is more to life than exercise .I saw you commented on my IG picture but you NEED to rest. Your body needs it, otherwise you just break down your body. And as you are underweight your body is already so stressed and by exercising and running your are just damaging your body.
      It also makes me sad to hear that you prioritize running instead of spending time with your mum. That is not at all healthy. Family, friends and LIFE should ALWAYS come before exercise. Exercise should be part of your life, not controlling it.

      You have to face your fears, step outside of your comfort zone. Things wont get better until you make them better and face these fears, otherwise you will keep forcing yourself to run despite not wanting to and eventually your body will give up or you'll end up fracturing or breaking a bone because they become too weak. You need to take care of your body, its the only one you will have. And if you end up with a broken bone or sprained ankle or even a heart attack because your body is soo stressed and undernourished you will regret it.
      Reach out for help, listen to your mum. Dont exercise.... try reading my posts about over exercising, how to cope and what to do instead of exercising. Also know that you ARENT fat. You need energy, you need food, your body needs to gain weight. Dont let anorexia control you. There is more to life than this and i knwo from exeprience how awful it is to be stuck in an obsession with exercise. It is pure hell, but you need to fight your way out of it. Because running is an enjoyment, but not when you are forcing yourself to do it because you have compensated.

      You CAN eat and not exercise. Your body needs food no matter whether you exercise or not. I think you should stop exercising almost completely, go for short walks or do some yoga as it can be hard to cut it out completely. But eventually you need to learn to be able to go a whole week without exercise and not feel bad or compensate.

      You need to fight against the voice in your head. You need to make things better because they CAN get better.

  2. This isn't izzy answering here, obviously, but I thought a reply might be useful from me while she's busy. I don't know what stage of recovery you're at, but you definitely have a long way to go. My darling, you are underweight. It's so unhealthy and will make you exhausted and miserable. Whenever you're struggling, try to stop yourself at least half way by not going for a run. Do what you've been dreaming of and eat some cookies while lying down maybe watching tv. It is just what you need at the moment. You're also craving sweet things because you're so low in energy. This is your body saying how exhausted it is. If you have Instagram, I really recommend following @hope.that.helps which is an amazing account filled with quotes and inspiration to save yourself made by my friend. Food means energy, muscle, warmth, strength, personality and capability. Good luck sweetheart. I know how disgustingly difficult it can be. But I promise you from the bottom of my heart, the best decision I made in the last five years was to recover. Xx Teagan

    1. Thanks a lot for your answer this means a lot to me. I consider myself in the stage of half recovery. I started my recovery last year and I've made lots of progress, but as I mentioned in the commemt , anorexia is coming back lately, for different a reason one of them is that I started to work with a trainer who is preparing me for some races and he hopes to take me to national next year.. For this reason I'm taking this thing too seriously and I started to thing that I need to be Skinner in order to run faster, and exercise more and more to get stronger.. ( I'm sorry for my awful English but I'm italian )