Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, December 18, 2014

My thoughts then VS. now

I know something alot more of you want to read about is my thoughts... to know how i think now compared to how i thought before, so i thought i would do exactly that... take up some examples of how i thought when i was sick and how i think now!

1) When i was sick i always wondered how people could just go to the cupboard or fridge and get something to eat and not overthink it. I wondered how people could just sit down and eat... i wondered how people could eat by their own freewill... I had to be forced to eat and wouldnt eat by my own freewill and if i was on my own there was no chance i would eat, so i wondered how people could eat soo freely, not have someone tell them when, how much and what to eat.

Now... i just listen to my body. My stomach controls me...If im hungry i'll eat... i dont care if i ate 20 minutes ago or 4 hours ago. Ill eat when im hungry. And ill eat what im craving - and what we have at home/or in the store etc sometimes i just grab a crisp bread or a handful of nuts... jsut because. I dont really overthink it. I dont feel any anxiety for eating and i definitely dont need anyone to tell me to eat... infact if someone tells me to go eat (which never happens because im pretty much always eating!) then im likely to get irritated at that person!! Food is something i enjoy and its not something that creates anxiety, its not really something i overthink either. I dont ask myself.... am i really hungry? Do i really want to eat this etc i just eat.

2) When i was sick i wondered how people could sleep in. How people could spend their whole day just sitting. I wondered how people could eat and not be active, i wondered why they didnt get anxiety for it.

Now..... Now i know that i need to eat not matter what i do. Example when i sprained my ankle i spent a few days on complete bedrest as i couldnt really move.. the only thing i did was hobble to the kitchen. I ate pretty mcuh the same as normal(it was harder to eat as much when i couldnt actually make my own food or go to the kitchen everytime i was hungry) then despite not doing anything active. Its the same when i have restdays, whether i take one rest day or 3 in a row. I still eat lots and usually more even if i dont do anything active. I dont feel guilty for it because my body needs the energy. I wont gain weight just because i eat more or because i dcont exercise. The body needs balance and if it lives a balanced life then it can take care of itsself and you dont really gain or lose weight whether you eat lots or eat less at random days.
  When you are healthy food and exercise is not something anxiety filled and this is what you need to work towards... where exercise and food are part of your life, and they dont give you anxiety or make you feel bad. You dont have compulsions to over eat or undereat or compulsions to overexercise.

3) When i was sick i wondered how people could eat crisps, chocolate, sweets, ice cream etc I wondered how they didnt feel guilty for it. How they could eat it so mindlessly and not care... i wondered how they didnt feel the extreme urge to compensate just by looking at the foods.

Now.... all those types of food are just part of a balanced diet. Do i eat them everyday, no. So i enjoy them when i crave them or if im with friends or at a social event. Eating some crisps or some chocolate isnt going to do anything bad to your body. If all you eat is crisps or you eat 100-200g chocoalte as well as other food each day then its a different story. But if you have balance and eat a regular, healthy diet then there is no problem enjoying them when you crave them! When i eat its not like i analyze my food or am super aware... i just sort of eat and then im done.... and then if im still hungry i eat more, if im not hungry i stop. Thats pretty much the only type of thinking i do..

4)When i was sick i never thought i would become healthy. I thought the way i was, the way i behaved and the way i thought would always be that way. I would never change.

I now know that isnt true... infact i know i can change myself, what i do, how i think etc right now if i wanted to.... if i wanted to i could go back to the person i was when i was sick (or i mean, i know eating disorders are a mental disorder and its not just that you lose weight and suddenly you have an ED, but once you have had an eating disorder its eaasier to develop it again, or another eating disorder) or i could change who i am and be really negative. Or just change my whole life completely.
 Nothing is permanent. Remember this. You may be struggling now, but it doesnt have to be this way forever... things can change. But then YOU have to make the change. I did change because i wanted to change... it wasnt just some miracle, i wasnt just lucky and it wasnt just a coincidence. I MADE THE CHANGE. I fought against my fears and did the things that scared me until i no longer had any eating disorder thoughts, until i was healthy and had no fears (related to an eating disorder). So dont think that im just lucky or a miracle or something like that, because the reason i recovered was due to motivation and hard work from ME. Mando helped, but in the end recovery has to come from YOU, not from an ED clinic or hospital or your family, the motivation and will to recover has to come from YOU and you have to be ready to change!

If you want me to write more posts like this, let me know :)


  1. I love this post. it shows how far you have come and is a positive reminder to those still struggling, especially at this time of year. Go team Izzy!

  2. What is your opinion on the VS Angels? My mom says they have the perfect body and thats what i should be like when I gain weight. But half of them actually have underweight BMI and do tons of exercise + eat very little. Ever since my mom made that comment I just feel bad