Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Learning to love myself

Recently i got a comment that said something like 'it seems like you love yourself more now when you look the way you do i.e more muscles' ... or something along that line.

And you know what, this comment is sort of true. I do love myself more now than 2 years ago. 

Lets begin with that i was declared healthy August 2012, it was then that i had a normal weight something which i hadnt had in the past 5 years... but even before i became sick i didnt have a normal weight. It was a big thing to reach a normal BMI... i thought i would feel different, i thought i would be huge and dislike myself. But i didnt infact... it was when i was half recovered and with around 3-5kg to gain that i felt awful in my body. It was then that gaining wieght seemed even worse because i felt so fat, but when i had gained those kilo i didnt feel fat. I had less fat days than before. Of course my body was different. I had spent so many years with an underweight and skinny body and suddenly i had more curves again. I had my period back after 4-5 years and it did feel weird. I liked my body but it was different.... and it was a process of self love that began. 
  I promote loving your body at all stages of recovery and life... not just loving yourself when you are X kilo or Y kilo. But loving yourself and being ok with changes, know that changes will happen. Though when you know your body is going to change its hard to accept yourself and love yourself because you know you might look different in a few weeks. So during recovery i was just focusing on being ok in my body... being ok with wearing a bikini or shorts. But i never truly loved my body.... i liked it alot more when i reached my goal weight.
    So from August 2012 to December 2014 it has been a journey of self love. My body has still changed alot in the past 2 years and my body will keep changing i know that... most peoples bodies do and you cant control it either. But with strength training the body changes more.

I have and am open about the fact that my legs have been my problem area, They have been the part of my body i have disliked the most and it was in summer 2013 that i first began to accept and like them... and it was in summer 2014 that i could actually say out loud that i liked my legs just the way they were. So yes, a whole year from liking my legs to learning to love them and not feel bad for the way they look.
  With my arms yes, i like them alot more now than in 2012 or 2013 because they are bigger and they are stronger. My upperbody has always been really slim and my arms have been like sticks with absaloutly no strength. So now to have more muscular arms i love it. Though i love having the strength...

Thats what i love most about my body. The strength i have, the energy i have. Im flexible, im fast, im strong. My appearance is just the way i look... but its how i feel about myself and how i can use my body. What i can do with my body that matters, not so much my appearance. I love the way my body looks, but i know it will change... and so i dont like focusing too much on how it looks because i know in a weeks time or something i will be super bloated because its that time ofthe month. Or in a few years time i will be older and will look different then. Will i dislike my body then? No i dont think so. Infact i think i will just love my body more..... i will have more years in my body, do more things with my body, achieve new goals and do things i never thought i would do.
  For example doing a headstand or running 21km, i didnt think i could do that. But i can and that is what makes me love my body.

Would i dislike my body if i looked different, i cant answer that because this is how my body looks. But yes, i can say that i love my body now more than 2 years ago. It takes time to love and accept your body, its about focusing on the positive s and what you love about yourself and not focusing on the negatives.
   I havent focused on changing my body, i have focused on loving my body and thats why i can say out loud and write that i love my body the way it is, because i do.

My goal in life is to be strong and to feel strong, both physically and mentally so now that i achieved that goal i can say im happier than when i was just weak and super skinny.


  1. you look so strong!you rock girl!

  2. you are very inspiring Izzy,I love you <3

    1. Thank you so much! I hope you have a lovely day :)

  3. It seems like you put a lot of focus on the physical appearance and show off the way you look now. Don't get me wrong, you do look great, but isn't life about so much more than trying to be beautiful, taking a million selfies and always having to be in shape... When you focus on that you don't leave room for much else like growth in integrity, character and humility. Beauty and your body shape doesn't last forever and it's not going to matter when you die. Yes, you should take care of yourself, but you shouldn't emphasize appearance to such a great extent. Happiness comes from inside, realizing what character strengths and abilities you have and what you can contribute. That should be the main focus.