Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, December 20, 2014

Addicted to exercise - answer

Izzy, i need your help. I started to be drepressed because of anorexia again.
The obsessions about calories and nutrients and healthy food choices are comining back. I'm not able to eat not exercising anymore. If I eat I HAVE to run. The food scares me. I'm scared about my hunger i.'m scared about my fullness I'm scared about eat and rest even if I desperately need to rest! Sometimes I dream to lay on the floor and eat cookies right off the bag not doing anything and rest. Just for one day. But I can't. I 'm too scared what will happen to my body if I let it to rest and eat. Today I've cried almost all day. My mum asked me if I wanted to go to shopping instead of running, but I refused because I knew that I had eaten and for that reason I had to run.. This situation is killing me... And calories and nutrient are controlling my life more than i 'm feel always a huge whale even if I'm X and weight X kg... Can you help me?

It makes me so sad to see you write this and hear that you are feeling so bad. But the truth is... You CAN lie on the floor and eat cookies. You CAN DO IT. Its just that you arent allowing yourself. You DONT have to run, trust me. You really dont. Nothing bad will happen to your body. You wont gain fat, you wont gain weight, you wont lose speed or stamina by not running. If anything, you will get more energy by resting and eating properly so that your body can recover. You are underweight and undernourished. Thats why you are dreaming and thnking of food.... but those types of food thoughts arent good because they can lead to binging as your body is undernourished and wants energy. And the way to get the energy it needs is by binging.

It might seem scary and give you anxiety but there is more to life than exercise .I saw you commented on my IG picture but you NEED to rest. Your body needs it, otherwise you just break down your body. And as you are underweight your body is already so stressed and by exercising and running your are just damaging your body.
  It also makes me sad to hear that you prioritize running instead of spending time with your mum. That is not at all healthy. Family, friends and LIFE should ALWAYS come before exercise. Exercise should be part of your life, not controlling it.

You have to face your fears, step outside of your comfort zone. Things wont get better until you make them better and face these fears, otherwise you will keep forcing yourself to run despite not wanting to and eventually your body will give up or you'll end up fracturing or breaking a bone because they become too weak. You need to take care of your body, its the only one you will have. And if you end up with a broken bone or sprained ankle or even a heart attack because your body is soo stressed and undernourished  you will regret it.
 Reach out for help, listen to your mum. Dont exercise.... try reading my posts about over exercising, how to cope and what to do instead of exercising. Also know that you ARENT fat. You need energy, you need food, your body needs to gain weight. Dont let anorexia control you. There is more to life than this and i knwo from exeprience how awful it is to be stuck in an obsession with exercise. It is pure hell, but you need to fight your way out of it. Because running is an enjoyment, but not when you are forcing yourself to do it because you have compensated.

You CAN eat and not exercise. Your body needs food no matter whether you exercise or not. I think you should stop exercising almost completely, go for short walks or do some yoga as it can be hard to cut it out completely. But eventually you need to learn to be able to go a whole week without exercise and not feel bad or compensate.
You need to fight against the voice in your head. You need to make things better because they CAN get better.


  1. For the one who asked the question. If the situation is unbearable, seek help, get admitted to hospital care. No one should feel like you do. In a safe hospital environment you can get medication for your anxiety and you would get well needed rest. There are professionals who could listen to you and give you the support you need. You would get energy in to your body and after a while as your body isn´t screaming for food, your thoughts would again be clearer. And the urge to run would get less consuming. Trust me I know, I´ve been there.

    1. Ohh yes, hospital and proffessional care is important as well and that should always be an option and thought about.

    2. Thanks, but I haven't mentioned into the comment that I run because i,'m in a running team. I have to exercise everyday, because my trainer tells me what to do... But thanks a lot for answered me !!! You are always so kind :D ( even if I comment your posts almost everyday xD)

    3. if you are not healthy, you should not be running and your trainer should be aware of this!!!

    4. I've just read this to my mum, and she said to copy it and read it every time I feel like this!! You don't know how much you've helped me during my recovery! I started to read your blog at the end of 2013 when I started my recovery and I've never stopped to follow you. But today I've realized how much you've done for me! You are a special person, remember this every time you feel low

  2. Are you still getting hate/negative comments?

    1. Yeah a few... but i just delete them right away :) And the same with emails. They arent worth my time or energy :)