You need food

Hi. So I know you said it would be quicker to respond if we commented as opposed to email so....I think its really cool and stuff how you can eat all that but I just ate 2 big breakfast pastry thingys and im freaking out. I keep going over all of the bad things ive eaten this week and how its adding up but at the same time I know I should gain some weight but I feel like I just gained 5lb just because I ate these 2 things, and dessert on Thursday and other things earlier on. Even though I was feeling guilty I also kept eating it because I kept telling myself about how I should gain weight and it caused me to get a really bad stomach ache, now I cant even think about food. I literally almost threw up, then for a split second I got the thought hey the food wouldn't be in me anymore!!( im not bulimic and never have/will be) but then im like no, that would be bad. 

Someone help:( im really considering not eating a lot for the rest of the day but I know I have to as I work later and need the energy.

Your body NEEDS food. No matter what you ate before or going to eat later, you still need food. Even if you ate 2 pasteries for breakfast, thats great. Thats delicious, and you shouldnt feel bad for it. Trust me, you dont gain weight just from eating something - i.e not actual weight gain. If youwere to actually gain 2 pounds in a day you would have to eat about 7500+ calories..... so no, DONT panic and think you gain weight just from eating something.

   What you need to try doing is to let go of what you just eat.... let go and forget about what you ate yesterday.... think like this, everyday your body needs x amount of calories. And everyday you need to eat those calories, somedays you eat more,s omedays you eat less.. that doesnt matter. Think of food like breath.... you need breath and oxygen to survive. You dont count the amount of times you breathe in or out, you dont panic because you breathed in some more oxygen today than yesterday.

   Who cares if you ate chocolate or dessert yesterday, today is A NEW DAY. Your body still needs food.

Ask yourself, why shouldnt you eat? What is your goal? Why cant you eat or why arent you allowing yourself to eat?

  Others can eat pasteries for breakfast then eat lunch, snack, dinner and then a night snack containing chocolate or other things and they dont care about it.... so why should you?

Your body NEEDS energy. Whether your head thinks you should or you shouldnt, thats irrelavent. Because your body needs it.... even if its tough, even if you dont want to. You need to face those fears and eat anyway.

   You dont gain weight just by eating and you dont gain weight just by eating something you think is less healthy. Thats not how the body works....

Dont think of food as 'piling up' or adding up... because really, if i were to think of everything i have eaten in  week, yes i would most probably feel bad aboutn it... think about the 10 pots of quark or all the chocoalte or all the dl oats i consume in a week. But that isnt how it works anyway, because like mentioned.... everyday is a new day when you need energy.

  Its not like you eat one day and then you dont need energy the next day. If you were to eat 7000kcal one day, you still need to eat the next day.

You need food, but also to overcome and conquer those fears. Tell yourself that you are STRONGER THAN YOUR EATING DISORDER. You can overcome your fears and do the things that scare you. Go against what the voice in your head tells you!!!!