Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, November 24, 2014

Will the thoughts ever go away & Thinking about food all the time

I got asked if i thought that the ED thoughts would ever go away and if thinking about food all the time would go away...
   And it took some time for me to think about this question....  Do i think that the thoughts will never go away for some people? And you know what, No i dont think that. I think that it is possible for the thoughts to go away for EVERYONE suffering with an ED. For some people it takes longer time, but you know what, fighting the thoughts isnt  a dance in the park. Its hard. Its YOU who has to work with it... work AGAINST your eating disorder.

You can sit at home, think how awful life is, feel  sorry for yourself that you are suffering and wish that things would change. Think that you will never recover, think that you will always have ED thoughts. But thats not true, because YOU have to make a change. Its not that some people have it easier and others dont... thats not how it is. If you have an eating disorder, whether you have suffered 5  months or 15 years, you still have a voice in your head telling you to starve yourself. That you arent sick enough, that you are too fat, that you cant eat etc
 Of course there are degrees of the illness, some people only suffer with restriction others have exercise addictions, depression, self harm, purging, binging, OCD etc etc
  But that doesnt mean that you cant recover, that you will always be sick.

But its about fighting the voice in your head, doing things which scare you. Step outside of your comfort zone. No, it isnt fun to test a fear food. To do things that scare you.

I remember the first time i was going to eat on my own in public... i ended up standing in a bathroom because i couldnt eat infront of people.
  The first time i was going to order out in a cafe i spent 20 minutse trying to decide what i wanted and when i got what i ordered i didnt want it and cried because i didnt know how much milk was in my coffee.
  THe first time i tried chocolate i ran home and purged. All these fears, these challenges. But i took myself through them.... I got up and tried again. No, i might not have managed to keep the chocolate down the first time, but the second time i kept it down. The third time i could try a little more.
 
You need to FIGHT the voice. Do the opposite of what the voice in your head says. You need to eat even though you might not want to. You need to rest. Talk to people, ask for help. Dont isolate yourself and sit and feel sorry for yourself... you might not want the attention or help, but you need the help and support. Thats important.

You need to find a way to cope with the anxiety. With the guilt and panic. Small baby steps = full recovery.

Even when you are half recovered you cant give up, you need to keep fighting. Its so easy to give up, thats the easy option. Its easy to just lie down on the ground and refuse to get up again, especially if you have relapsed, or relapsed several times. But the fact is, nobody remembers the person who gave up. Its the winners... its the people who succeed who are most remembered. This isnt meant to make you feel bad.
  What i mean is that if you want something in life, sometimes tyou have to work hard for it. You cant give up.

Nobody else can fight the voices in your head, and i know it sucks... There were times i wished i could wake up healthy. But it didnt happen over night... all these small changes i had to make.
  
Gaining weight is easy compared to fighting the mental part.. you can have reached your healthy weight but still be struggling with your thoughts, so its easy to think that they will always be there. But thats not true....

I know many who have recovered from an ED who are now healthy. Living healthy, exercise, eat pizza, eat ice cream, eat salad, go on holliday, live life and look happy and healthy. Just like myself...
   I have fought all the voices in my head.

I dont measure food or count calories. 90% of the time i like my body, i dont have fear foods, i eat all types of food. I let others prepare food for me, i eat with others, i eat out. Im not depressed. I dont exercise to burn calories or compensate.
  I live life, im happy. Of course everyone has ups and downs and sometimes you have fat days. But its not a voice in your head telling you to starve yourself on those days... its merely a feeling that passes withing 24-72 hours.


The food thoughts DO pass in time when you begin to live life more freely. When you no longer focus on weight gain or having to follow your meal plan or eat certain times etc 
  You can read more HERE

Know that recovery IS POSSIBLE. But its YOU who has to make changes. Dont think its not possible, because then its not.


This is my post to YOU. To make you keep fighting. Even if you want to give up... Fight the voice in your head, change the thoughts. Be STRONGER than the voice in your head. Its possible!!!



7 comments:

  1. Awesome post!! :))) You are such a beautiful inspiration to us all <3

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  2. This is a really good post! Sometimes I feel like I'm saying the same thing over and over again to myself and others to motivate and it seems to lose its meaning. But its posts like this that make those words a little bit fresher and alive for me :) Not good phrasing, ahaha! Sorry I'm a bit tired ;)
    I can't remember if I mentioned this or not but just to be safe :) Post suggestions, How to Get Better at Running and Run a Race and something else I was wanting to ask your opinion on but can't remember
    -_- Don't like forgetting things like this, stuff I've been thinking about for a while. oh well maybe ill remember later! :)
    Olivia

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  3. I needen to read somehtin like this, aaah! :D I think especially the part that you have to push yourself again and again, step out of your comfort Zone, even if it's hard, or especially if it's hard! It is too easy to just stay where you ar,e where should the progress come from? And I even think that you can relate this to many situations in life... You will only become a better version of yourself, if you push youself to your limits and over them and if you don't Keep doing what you always did and what felt safe...
    So yeah, again a great post, Izzy! :)

    And I have a question... I don't know if you have time to answer it and I understand if not! But the Thing ist, that my therapist wants me to start eating after a mealplan again, even though I eat without one since july and have stayed at the same healthy weight since then. My problem is rather that I have still a lot of fearfoods and the foods I eat are very limited, though I eat enough, just usually bigger quantities of lower calorie food... And also I am a Little obsessed with eating healthy and I think A LOT about food. Those are things that annoy me and I really try to get better, and when I feel well and strong, I try fearfoods or eat out more often etc. But when I have bad days, the thoughts become stronger and I restrict myself to even less variety of food. I never lose weight in those times, but I guess I still use it as a way of compensating.
    So now my actual question is if you think it would be a good idea to go back to a mealplan... Because my therapist thinks, that this would help me to Keep eating the same way, no matter how I feel, to not let my eating depend on my mood. And I see her point, but also I have been eating without a mealplan for so long and I don't know if that would be a huge step backwards and if it would make me feel even more limited and less flexible... I just don't really know, what's right or what's better. I just feel like something needs to change, because I reallyhaven't made any Kind of progress in a while. :/

    I'm sorry this has become so long, but maybe you can find the time for a quick answer. :)
    Otherwise I will Keep reading your motivational Posts, haha. :D

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    Replies
    1. Well i dont think going back to a meal plan is a step back because it is something you are scared of, something that makes you uncomfortable becuse you would be made to eat things which you might not want to eat. So actually it becomes a step forward, not a step back. Because you make yourself do something your ED doesnt want.
      The whole thing about not following a meal plan in recovery is that you are able to eat enough and listen to your body, that you can eat fear foods and eat regularly. But if you cant do that, and you restrict or only eat safe foods then you arent really recovering so then its better to return to a meal plan.
      Meal plans does mean that you cant choose what to eat and it can get boring but it does help and helps you to face your fear foods, instead of just eating the same foods all the time because that is what you usually do.

      Remember that the low calorie foods arent always better.... and you need to be able to eat all types of food. So i do think you should return to a meal plan for a little while and see if that helps you. Helps you overcome your fears and not limit your food intake so much. And not focus so much on healthy eating... because everything is healthy in moderation. Eating too many carrots is just as bad as eating too much chocolate.

      So face your fears and do the things that scare you!

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