Or i mean... i know why, but there is nothing i can do about it.
Not even my friends in school could help make me feel better, it was just a fake smile. Not even a workout... infact usually workouts help when i feel stressed or have anxiety. But today my workout wasnt more than 30 minutes because i just felt heavy and tired... trying to walk or even run on the treadmill wasnt what i wanted to do and when you are already feeling tired and weighed down lifting weights doesnt help either. For those 30 minutes i really didnt do much c.a 2 minutes warm up, 8 minutes HIIT and then did a few of my favourite exercises and then that was that. I was too tired and unmotivated for more.... And the 30 minutes which i did do, i ENJOYED. I wanted to workout, but basically my strength wasnt there.. my energy wasnt there despite eating properly.
In school i had numerous times when i felt like i just wanted to pack my bag and go home, skip my classes and school for a few days. But that wont solve my problems or my feelings either.
Instead its just to get through these next 2 weeks. And once again im going to remind everyone - Dont expect any answers via email as that really isnt a priority of mine at the moment. Right now im just focusing on school and taking care of myself. An important Motto for me, is that i cant help others if i cant help myself. So my own mental and physical health comes first before i give advice or try to help others.
With everything going on in my life right now and being very affected by the change in weather (i.e S.A.D) my mental state is quite fragile at the moment.
When i came home from school i made myself a delicous snack, though not even that could cheer me up :( Infact it felt like i just had to force it into me due to no hunger. But im going to skip writing and thinking so negative instead, a shower, my pyjamas, tea and my bed awaits me :) Tomorrow its a super early morning.