I've had this type of nightmare several times before, and its pretty much the only nightmare that scares me. The thought of ending up back in an eating disorder clinic was enough motivation to keep me going when i was relapsing and trying to recover,
I am pretty sure the nightmare can be analyzed and conclusions or subconscious thoughts can be drawn out of it... but that is not something i am so concerned about. After being locked up in an ED clinic, its enough to scar a person and give them nightmares. (dont get me wrong, without going to Mando i dont think i would have recovered, but that doesnt mean i like the place)...
Anyway, i had decided that i would try running this morning as there is this run on Saturday which i want to do, but i wasnt sure how it would go and i didnt want to get a start place before i knew if i would actually manage to run it or not - its 10km.
At firs my head was like its cold. Its dark. i dont have energy. my body doesnt want to etc but i knew that if i didnt test running again then i would regret it if i said no to the starting place. So once i got out and got going it went fine and i enjoyed every minute of it! What i hate though is that it literally takes me 5km to warm up and for the heavy legs and breathing technique to start co operating!! hahah. So the last 2km i just flew forward,
When i came home i told my mum that i did want the starting place - a friend of hers is selling her ticket. So hopefully i have gotten a starting place now!! It would be so much fun :):)
I will write more about the run if i do get a starting place.... but im feeling so excited and happy now. I just want to jump up and down and go out running again - and i have just come home from a run!!!
This is how its meant to feel with exercise and runs. Happiness, excitement!!! Not just worrying about time, distance and calories.
I love running and even if it goes months where i barely run i know that once i begin again i fall in love with it all over again :):)