Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

So far, so good

After a night filled with nightmares - i was forced back into an eating disorder clinic, but i wasnt sick and nobody listened to me. And they never gave me an actual reason for why i was there... just that i was. And i was literally the largest out of everyone there... i was triple my normal size.
   I've had this type of nightmare several times before, and its pretty much the only nightmare that scares me. The thought of ending up back in an eating disorder clinic was enough motivation to keep me going when i was relapsing and trying to recover,
 I am pretty sure the nightmare can be analyzed and conclusions or subconscious thoughts can be drawn out of it... but that is not something i am so concerned about. After being locked up in an ED clinic, its enough to scar a person and give them nightmares. (dont get me wrong, without going to Mando i dont think i would have recovered, but that doesnt mean i like the place)...

Anyway, i had decided that i would try running this morning as there is this run on Saturday which i want to do, but i wasnt sure how it would go and i didnt want to get a start place before i knew if i would actually manage to run it or not - its 10km.
  At firs my head was like its cold. Its dark. i dont have energy. my body doesnt want to etc but i knew that if i didnt test running again then i would regret it if i said no to the starting place. So once i got out and got going it went fine and i enjoyed every minute of it! What i hate though is that it literally takes me 5km to warm up and for the heavy legs and breathing technique to start co operating!! hahah. So the last 2km i just flew forward,

When i came home i told my mum that i did want the starting place - a friend of hers is selling her ticket. So hopefully i have gotten a starting place now!! It would be so much fun :):)
   I will write more about the run if i do get a starting place.... but im feeling so excited and happy now. I just want to jump up and down and go out running again - and i have just come home from a run!!!
  This is how its meant to feel with exercise and runs. Happiness, excitement!!! Not just worrying about time, distance and calories.

I love running and even if it goes months where i barely run i know that once i begin again i fall in love with it all over again :):)

And here is delicious breakfast to add to my great morning :):)

Now however its time to pay bills... blahhh.. That feeling when you have to check your bankaccount -_- and edit school work!!!

1 comment:

  1. One of my nightmare:
    found myself looked in a pastry shop, surrounded with all kind of pastries (weeding cakes, cupcakes, cream cakes, chocolate...) and I could binge/purge as much as I wanted ...woke up while I was starting eating for the x times a weeding cake and after having eating everything displayed in store window.

    Other one, I was in the restaurant and meals just keep on arriving without discontinuing....