When I started eating more normally I started feeling very full all the time, I was bloated most of the time and had a tight and uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. Even though I was eating 'normal' portions. I was worried I would always feel uncomfortable while eating 'normal' amounts. Also, once I started eating normal portions and frequently I felt like I was out of control. Not only did I not have a routine where I'd restrict and then binge and then restrict again and so on and so on in order to keep my weight down, but I also felt the constant need to put something in my mouth. Maybe since I was 'allowed to eat' my brain thought like this wasn't permanent, that I wouldn't be able to eat forever. I was constantly going back and forth so I guess thats why I subconsciously thought that soon everything would change.
I was afraid that I would never eat 'properly' and structured. I was snacking a lot and my meals weren't as large as they were supposed to be because I was always full from the snacking. I had no structure. Im not saying you should always eat the same amount at the same time. No thats not healthy either. Normal eating is very different. One day worth of food will not look the same as another day for the same person. And in order to get all the vitamins you need your diet should include a variety of different foods, not just the same thing day in and day out. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is if you can relate or have struggled with similar things like feeling bloated, feeling tight and uncomfortable in the stomach once you start eating regularly and more, if you feel line you're eating too much, if you feel like you have no structure in eating at all, DONT PANIC. You're not alone. And it WILL pass. For some it may take longer than for others. It can take a few weeks or months. But if you keep eating, keep fighting those thoughts inside your head it gets easier. You need to keep doing the next right thing, baby steps.
One of the reasons I had no structure in my eating was that I spent so much time at home and was often very bored. I wasn't going to school due to moving and most days were spent on the internet, watching TV, reading, working out or eating. When I went out it was nice but I never felt like I was doing good or achieving something or getting work done. I did not have a sense of accomplishment at that time in my life. I wanted to get busy, do something productive. And when I attempted several times to start different projects I gave up on all of them.
When I started school after a looong vacation it was hard, I admit it. I was lost, I often had no idea what I was supposed to be doing or what the teacher was talking about because the school was so different from what I was used to. In addition, I found it hard to make friends. I still don't have a group of friends I can really connect with. But, after maybe a month I felt like I understood the material better, I talked more with the people I sit with in class. I still don't talk as much as most people do as I don't have so much to say, but now I feel less scared. I think now its only going up. Im not trying to be the most popular kid in the school or class, I don't want hundreds of friends. Thats not what I want. Whats happening now is I'm getting the hang of it, Im not so scared anymore, I enjoy talking with some people. I don't feel soo left out like before.
Once I started school I had work to be done, I felt more productive like I was accomplishing something. I was getting stuff done. Sometimes I thought 'this isn't what I want. I want to go back on vacation. I hate school. I feel like a loner. I have no friends.etc.' but it HAS got better. And also because I have a schedule now that helped my eating too. I have different meals and I have snacks. There is a pattern. Its not always the same but there is a sort of system where I have meals and snacks. This schedule helped me eat intuitively too. Its almost like having a meal plan. Only mine didn't include what I ate. And the times varied once I was out of school. But this helped me tremendously. Now when I eat a meal I can walk to school and not feel like I'm about to explode. I don't have the constant urge to put something in my mouth. I have meals and snacks. My eating is more structured now and I feel better too. Just know that this will pass, its not forever and you will get through this if you keep eating enough :)