So as soon as i got home i opened my documents, my books and papers, spread pens and papers out on my bed and sat there and worked. However while i was sitting and waiting for m 'egg cake' to turn into a 'cake/mould' in the microwave my stomach was rumbling and i was so hungry and i couldnt concentrate on my work. All i thought of was food and how if i didnt eat something within 30 seconds i would begin shovelling food into my mouth.
Which then lead me to thinking... how did i even manage school and working without eating? One of the first of my ED behaviours was to not eat lunch in school and then i ate very little or nothing when i came home and for dinner and then soon i stopped eating breakfast as well... so basically only eating a small after school snack or a little dinner was what i survived on.... how in the world i managed to go to school (which i did for almost a year before i became too sick and had no energy anymore) without eating and still get As and Bs? I can barely go 3 hours without food without wanting to break down and cry because im so hungry and have such low blood sugar.
But i guess the truth is that i lost my hunger and fullness feelings and there was something in my head so powerful making me not feel hungry and making me not eat. I wasnt in my right mind.... but i think its crazy sometimes the things which i did but also how i even managed?
I mean if i dont eat a proper breakfast or enough food before my workouts i literally cant manage them... but before i would spend hours exercising with little food..... Its so strange how the body and mind can adapt. How the mind can force the body to do things even with no energy?
Anyway... ive now done 80% of my work and i thought i deserved a break and a little blog update.. so here is my outfit today, my afternoon snack & my work so far!!