Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Monday, November 17, 2014

Feeling bad for being healthy/normal

When you were recovering, did you ever 
feel badly about doing well? Like, right now, I almost feel like 
eating "normally" (ie not having extreme anxiety at a restaurant for 
dinner) makes me worried. Almost like, waiting for the shoe to drop for 
when you might relapse because you can't possibly be doing well...or that 
being healthy doesn't feel sustainable. I almost can't enjoy getting 
healthy, because I feel like it just isn't going to last.
hope you're having a good weekend!

I think this question is a really good question and im actually surprised that i havent written anything about it before, but this was something i experienced as well. After spending a long time sick it can feel strange and wrong when you finally begin being more healthy.
  Its like if you always wear jeans and then you suddenly begin wearing a dress/skirt/shorts... it feels weird, it feels different. But that doesnt mean its a bad thing...

Its an uncomfortableness and a newness, its strange. But change can be good and in this case it is good.

The important thing is to stop thinking about relapse - i am someone who strongly believes in that What you think you manifest. So if you are always thinking about relapse, thinking that this healthiness and happiness wont last... then it wont. But like always - What goes up must come down. Unfortunatly this is something that is true.... so what i say is that enjoy it while it lasts. The healthyness will last if that is what you want it to do. Enjoy being able to eat food with out guilt, feel the happiness of it. And feel PROUD. Dont long back to the guilt and anxiety, instead keep doing things that scared you before and enjoy it. Realise that the way you feel is good, its the way you SHOULD feel.

Healthy IS sustainable, as long as you find a balance that works for you. It can be good to stop comparing yourself now to how you were before i.e when you were sick. To not think 'ohh wow i got guilt over this before'.. this is ok sometimes, when you feel really proud over yourself. But you shouldnt have thoughts of, 'wow i should  feel guilty over this' because you shouldnt. Those types of thoughts are wrong.

These feelings of healthy being wrong should pass in time, its just that its new and its different. But its GOOD. These feelings of not getting anxiety, of feeling happy. They are good feelings, they should be what you feel all the time :)


  1. Sometimes I feel like this too. Except I also tend to feel like a failure for recovering and choosing to eat:( I think its a mixture of a few things. One, unfortunately, is probably for attention. Although I don't really get attention anymore as Im away at school, my dad still asks about food and such. Im also not really the best at a lot of things and sometimes give up. I guess this makes me think that im giving up on my eating disorder, which is good, but at the same time still makes me feel like a failure :( I don't know. There's just so many thoughts in my head about this and my mind cant process them. I find myself trying to make myself think/get scared of food and idk why. Help/Advice please:( My mind is just really confused:(

  2. I am afraid I have also been feeling like this sometimes at the moment.. I get this weird kind of feeling when I am eating well and properly.. "this is not right, this is not you. Emily does not eat like this". that kind of thing. I feel guilty for eating "right"; and alot of the time the only thing making me do so is the fact i dont want to let my loved ones down and i am afraid of my doctor and what she will do if i dont gain weight. Also, at the moment i am really struggling with college and the pressure is really getting to me. I want to pull out for the year but Im worried about the money side of things. And then today a stupid and non-sensical thought crossed my mind: You ARE NOT sick enough - if you become really il again with the ED and become dangerously thin again then you will be forced to leave college and you won't have to make that decision. "
    I felt really angry with myself for considering such a thing and told myself there was absolutely no way i was ever going to become that skinny again, but the thought was still there and it scared me.
    Thanks for this Izzy anyway, it helps me feel a bit better:) xxx