Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Thursday, November 13, 2014

Diary entry - disgusted by my own reflection

From 2010/2011 (no exact date)

Hate everything about myself.
Hate waking up and seeing myself.
Having to face my body.

I hate my pale face.
The black circles under my eyes.
The greasy hair.
My scarred arms.

And of course - my huge thighs. My flabby legs, arms. My muffin top. My big belly. Hate my whole body.

I mean, if I'm this big now. And I'm considered underweighthow will I be when I'm normal?

I hate how you wake up one morning and realize I've gained 5kg. you can't escape it. You can't avoid weight gain. But it has to be one of the hardest parts of the treatment. To face your body.

To accept it.

I mean, it's me who has to throw away my clothes cus there too small. it's me who has to see the weight gain. Im the one to notice myself go up in weight, to learn to live with this body - which I don't want.

Right now I'm thankful that there's no mirrors around.

I'm disgusted with myself. It's nice to not see myself. See my body.

I can avoid all that, for now. no idea how it will be when I get out.

I hate what I see.

I don't want this illness anymore.

but I really do miss being thin. it's stupid. But I don't like this new body. And it's not even done changing.

I want to hide from myself.

I dont want to face my body.

Hating your body and your body image is part of anorexia, and in recovery you need to start loving your body again. Start accepting your body image. Loving your body for how it looks
  When you are sick, you usually have body dyspmorphia... i.e you cant see yourself clearly. I always thought i was fat, even if somewhere deep inside, i knew i wasnt... but i felt it. And that was just as real....
Stop the negative thoughts. Instead, tell yourself 3 positive things about yourself. Find things which you like about yourself, find your positive things! And stop comparing yourself to others... its not worth it. You are you. You have your falws and perfections. And you need to love yourself, to acept yourself , otherwise you will never be happy.

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