Hate everything about myself.
Hate waking up and seeing myself.
Having to face my body.
I hate my pale face.
The black circles under my eyes.
The greasy hair.
My scarred arms.
And of course - my huge thighs. My flabby legs, arms. My muffin top. My big belly. Hate my whole body.
I mean, if I'm this big now. And I'm considered underweighthow will I be when I'm normal?
I hate how you wake up one morning and realize I've gained 5kg. you can't escape it. You can't avoid weight gain. But it has to be one of the hardest parts of the treatment. To face your body.
To accept it.
I mean, it's me who has to throw away my clothes cus there too small. it's me who has to see the weight gain. Im the one to notice myself go up in weight, to learn to live with this body - which I don't want.
Right now I'm thankful that there's no mirrors around.
I'm disgusted with myself. It's nice to not see myself. See my body.
I can avoid all that, for now. no idea how it will be when I get out.
I hate what I see.
I don't want this illness anymore.
but I really do miss being thin. it's stupid. But I don't like this new body. And it's not even done changing.
I want to hide from myself.
I dont want to face my body.