I wasnt really craving cake... you know you have somedays where you are like - Ill eat half a cake, and other days where you would prefer to just eat brocolli and you dont crave sweet things. But i like to think that when you are being social and being offered food, then its nice to eat what is offered even if you may not like it. Example if i go to a friends house and say they make pizza, i dont liike pizza but i still eat it anyway, because its rude not to :)
The cake however was delicious it was a passion fruit and mango mousse and a coconut base!!! Delicious and fruity!
We then sat and talked for a long time about lots of different things and it came up several times about when we moved here and times in 2010 and the thing is, i have very little memory of when we first moved here. From 2010-2012 i have very little memory apart from significant things that happened at Mando. Most of my time was spent at Mando and the days just blurred into one big anxiety filled never ending nightmare. But actually... iwas a day patient for a while and i did have permissions out where i got to spend a night at my aunts place and all i remember was how i cheated so much during that 24 hours and how i spent alot of time out walking... i was very very manipulative. But my aunt and sister brought up some memories which i was with and i just couldnt remember them.
But it felt so strange that so many things i just cant remember because i was so undernourished. I also wonder how they percieved me... i know that my sister found it really tough to be around me because she saw how controlling and manipulative i was, but also everything i did wrong she saw it.
But it was fun to then begin talking about working out and how i plan to hopefully run a half marathon next year and to run more races!! Doing something i love, being happy and healthy. A completely different person to who i was back then!!
Its strange when i think back to when i was sick because... Really, that girl wasnt me. It wasnt me who cried because i was forced to eat food. It wasnt me who threw away food. It wasnt me who did all the stupid things out of anxiety or said stupid and harmful things out of anxiety and hatred. It was something else. And thats the important thing to remember that there is something in your brain making you do the things you do - but you CAN regain control again and take back your life!!!