Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Answer - relapsing
Hi izzy. So recently ive found myself compensating. Im going home from school for a day this weekend and I know I will eat "bad" ie at a restaurant and probably dessert. Ive been eating a certain amount of calories(although not as many as I should be) and ive notice that gradually I feel like I shouldn't reach the number and that its more of a limit as opposed to a number that I should be going over. I thought that I conquered most of the im scared to eat bad thoughts but now I notice that their more frequent and im compensating more(eating a fruit instead of a granola bar or something). I feel like ive gone backwards. I know you always talk about how if your scared of something you should eat it. Should I do this or...?
Well the first thing is that you have realised what you are doing is wrong and that you are slightly relapsing. Which is important and now its up to you to change it.... you know what you are doing isnt right so either you try to change it and face your fears and anxiety or you continue the way you go and relapse and its YOU who takes the consequences for it.
You need to be stronger than your ED and even if its scary you need to eat that granola bar or the snack which you should be eating. Tell yourself that you have to and you want to... that if you want to eat a fruit, then its going to be extra. It might be scary because the ED voice has gotten stronger but you need to overcome the fear. Ask yourself what will happen if you eat the granola bar? What will happen if you eat normal portions for lunch and not compensate?
What is it that you are scared of will happen? And will you actually gain weight just from going out to eat in a restaurant? Some people do it several times a week and nothing happens to their body/weight. To become stronger and to recover you need to do the things that scare you. Recovery isnt easy, but it can be as easy as you make it.... for some it just takes a few weeks because they find their goal and motivation and keep working towards it. Overcoming their fears and conquering their demons.
Its also good to realise that labelling food as 'good' or 'bad' is not a good idea.... what is good and bad? I mean we all know eating 5 pizzas in a row might not be so healthy, but going out to a restaurant and eating both a main course and a dessert (maybe an appetizer as well)..... what is so wrong or bad with that? Nothing. Its normal food and nothing scary about it. Now is a good time for you to do something that scares you and realise that you will be ok - eat at the restaurant, dont compensate and try to enjoy your time with your family and away from school. If it helps - talk to your family. I can highly recommend that.... maybe going to school at the moment isnt the best idea if its too stressful. Maybe you need to take a break and focus on your mental health, and to stop yourself from relapsing. After all its your mental health and your life. If you dont overcome your fears, your ED will still control you.
Eat the food, find a way to cope with anxiety or guilt and keep taking one step forward at a time! Someday you will have to face your fear foods and your fears, so why not now?