Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, November 13, 2014

Answer - relapsing

Hi izzy. So recently ive found myself compensating. Im going home from school for a day this weekend and I know I will eat "bad" ie at a restaurant and probably dessert. Ive been eating a certain amount of calories(although not as many as I should be) and ive notice that gradually I feel like I shouldn't reach the number and that its more of a limit as opposed to a number that I should be going over. I thought that I conquered most of the im scared to eat bad thoughts but now I notice that their more frequent and im compensating more(eating a fruit instead of a granola bar or something). I feel like ive gone backwards. I know you always talk about how if your scared of something you should eat it. Should I do this or...? 

Well the first thing is that you have realised what you are doing is wrong and that you are slightly relapsing. Which is important and now its up to you to change it.... you know what you are doing isnt right so either you try to change it and face your fears and anxiety or you continue the way you go and relapse and its YOU who takes the consequences for it.
   You need to be stronger than your ED and even if its scary you need to eat that granola bar or the snack which you should be eating. Tell yourself that you have to and you want to... that if you want to eat a fruit, then its going to be extra. It might be scary because the ED voice has gotten stronger but you need to overcome the fear. Ask yourself what will happen if you eat the granola bar? What will happen if you eat normal portions for lunch and not compensate?
  What is it that you are scared of will happen? And will you actually gain weight just from going out to eat in a restaurant? Some people do it several times a week and nothing happens to their body/weight. To become stronger and to recover you need to do the things that scare you. Recovery isnt easy, but it can be as easy as you make it.... for some it just takes a few weeks because they find their goal and motivation and keep working towards it. Overcoming their fears and conquering their demons.

Its also good to realise that labelling food as 'good' or 'bad' is not a good idea.... what is good and bad? I mean we all know eating 5 pizzas in a row might not be so healthy, but going out to a restaurant and eating both a main course and a dessert (maybe an appetizer as well)..... what is so wrong or bad with that? Nothing. Its normal food and nothing scary about it. Now is a good time for you to do something that scares you and realise that you will be ok - eat at the restaurant, dont compensate and try to enjoy your time with your family and away from school. If it helps - talk to your family. I can highly recommend that.... maybe going to school at the moment isnt the best idea if its too stressful. Maybe you need to take a break and focus on your mental health, and to stop yourself from relapsing. After all its your mental health and your life. If you dont overcome your fears, your ED will still control you.

Eat the food, find a way to cope with anxiety or guilt and keep taking one step forward at a time! Someday you will have to face your fear foods and your fears, so why not now?


  1. Thanks izzy:) I ended up eating dessert today because it looked so good! I feel a little guilty but I keep telling myself that you walk around all day(for school) and just in general its good to eat once in a while. Im off of school in a couple of weeks so I know when I get home some things will change and that my dad will get me back on track if im not there already. Kind of like youre saying in your other posts, just got to make it through these next few exams and papers, but not to far ahead as to stress yourself out. Good luck on your exams and we'll make it through:)


    Oh and your animal picture post was awesome!!

  2. Hello I know this is an older post, but I find your blog so helpful and looked up entries on relapse. I feel like I am taking steps backwards. I look at foods I was comfortable eating a few weeks ago and now am afraid of again. I want to skip parts of my meal plan and have consistently been "cutting small things out" such as a fruit or granola bar. I think I might have actually lost a few pounds instead of gaining the couple more I was supposed to. I was stuck towards the end of recovery for a while afraid to gain the last few pounds and conquer more fears and now feel like I'm slipping. I also have been weighing myself more frequently and stopped going to my doctor and therapist because I felt like they just kept telling me the same thing and it wasn't helping. Part of me wants to look ahead and start life, but another part of me is really afraid to let go of ana and i don't want to. I don't know how to eat without having rules for food and I'm afraid. Any advice?
    Also I just wanted to say even if you don't feel like an inspiration your blog has helped so much and you are one. Thank you for sharing your blog helped me through time in the hospital and after as well.