Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Sunday, November 30, 2014

Oreo chocolate and film time!!!

Just because i am a pure choc-a-holic and i couldnt resist i bought even more chocolate - Milka oreo and also some other chocolate which i enjoyed as dessert after dinner infront of a movie with my sister!!

Its 8pm and the house is officially cleaned, packed and tidied.... so empty, cold and lonely. No longer feels 'homely', but the thought of the new apartment tomorrow sort of scares me as well. I dont think i will be getting much sleep tonight :/
  I dont feel mentally or physically ready for school tomorrow. This weekend has not been a rest weekend at all and i havent got any studying done either :( But i have had a lovely day today, so im not going to complain. Instead, im going to live in the moment. Sit and stare at the boxes and be thankful for the 2+ years i have lived in this apartment. :) But now its time for a bigger apartment, more space, new adventures etc :)

This evening we all bought dinner out as there is no food in the house... we all went to different places. My sister got sushi, i got a salad (with my favourite combination) and my parents got veggie burgers, hahaha!! XD
    When we came back feeling exhausted and tired from the hours of work we had done at home my sister and I lay in my bed and watched the film All Good things. Its a thriller which i love... my sister just watched it for Ryan Gosling ;);)
I also managed to eat all the sweets as well as c.a 150+gram of the Milka oreo - It tastes AMAZING. The best oreo chocolate i have tasted - and i have tried quite a few :) Diet starts tomorrow or something Hahah no joke! I dont compensate or feel guilty ;) Chocolate is just an enjoyable part of life... like running or salad or watching fikms. All things i love :)

 Anyway, if you see this chocolate, BUY it..... also, if anyone from Switzerland (I think thats where Milka is from? :)) feels they want to send me some Milka chocolate, let me know :) I can always send you some Marabou or other swedish food :) hahaha (Yup, Milka is my favourite chocolate brand!)

^^Like a child on a christmas :) hahah

I want to thank you all again for the lovely birthday wishes, means so much to me!!

A lovely email

Today i got this lovely email from a reader - infact i got many today - but i felt i wanted to post this one as it just made me so happy to hear that she is happy to be feeling stronger again. And i know that feeling, that feeling of happiness to feel stronger and to feel yourself getting better even if somedays are tough and you can still get negative thoughts. 

Stay strong all of you. I know you can do it - no matter what you are going through. It could be tough at school or tough at home or tough financially or maybe you have relationship problems. Its hard, but you can get through it!


I know you are extremely busy right now and overloaded with emails, so I will try not to keep you long.  However, I want you to know how much you have helped me in my recovery.  I have been going to dieticians and psychologists since November 2012, and ever since I have started reading your posts, I have made more progress than ever before.  My weight is increasing, pants starting to not fit which would typically send me into my typical eating restrictions and panic.  Don't get me wrong, I definitely still have the negative thoughts for a few seconds, but I can talk myself out of them, and realize that majority of the time I am eating healthy and I have enjoyed being able to eat what other people are at certain occasions, enjoyed actually wanting to workout for the joy of it instead of to change my body, enjoyed gaining muscle and becoming more strong.  So thank you for helping me continue to get my life back.  You will never know how inspiring and helpful you have truly been. 

First attempt at makinga  gif... and its really slow, hahah!

Birthday brunch

For my birthday treat - usually its lunch or dinner but this year it was brunch! We went to a new place which none of us had been to before but it turned out to be really nice and cosy.
  It was myself, my sister, mum, step dad, my 2 half brothers, my aunt and her partner! The food served was lots of different things - yoghurt, granola, muslie, beans, eggs, bacon, bread, salmon, couscous etc and even waffles. However the waffle maker started burning (i.e it was on fire) which got a little scary so we ended up not being able to make any waffles... but then after my 3rd portion they came with a new waffle maker.... and i really wanted a waffle but there just wasnt room in my stomach for it.. :( Kind of sad, but i knew it wasnt possible to stretch my stomach any further... next time!!!

But there was so much other yumminess i ate - LOTS of fresh bread, salmon, watermelon, yoghurt, coffee etc etc
It was so lovely to be there with my family and enjoy all the delicious food!

Now its time to finish the cleaning so that every inch of the apartment sparkles and get ready for a new week and a new apartment tomorrow.... *eeek* 

Starting the day with cake

This morning my family had agreed to give me an hour to myself where i could just get ready and eat breakfast and then they all came into my room singing happy birthday and brought in a little mini cake!!!
    I also got a few presents which i hadnt been expecting!! A little bag, a perfume and some make up :) I also opened a present which i got from a reader and it contained lots of chocolate - my absaloute favourite!!!(To you who sent me the package, could you please email me again so i can thank you properly :) It was so sweet of you!) :)
  And thank you to all the happy birthday and birthday wishes i have gotten and emails :) It means so much to me!!!

If you are struggling

I have gotten alot of emails from people who are struggling and are in a very bad state. So i thought i would make one bigpost to try to help you all....
  and what better day than on my birthday?

Because honestly i didnt think i would make it to my age... i actually thought i would have died 3 years ago either from suicide or from anorexia killing me. But look at me now... alive. 

And one of the best feelings is knowing EVERYTHING i have achieved and overcome in all those years that have passed. I have done things i never thought i would do or be allowed to do. Ive fallen in love with strength training and love running even more than i did before. I have amazing friends and an amazing family. I have a functioning body that is healthy and strong. I have done things on my bucketlist which at one point in my life were just dreams i never thought i would achieve.
  I have gone to New York, i have run the colour run, i have long blonde hair (?!!), i go to a school i love, i am healthy, happy and strong which is most important!!!

So to those of you who are struggling think of what it is you want in your life.... you might not have any goals or any motivation, it might just be black and dark. No hope for anything, but then you have to CREATE hope. You have to CREATE motivation. Because it wont just come you.
  Sometimes you just have to fake it till you make it. You have to listen to your doctor, listen to your family and friends. Eat.
  Even if you want to cheat, skip meals, workout,, cut yourself, purge, binge etc think its YOU who has to take the consequences... its YOU who will spend even more time sick, miss out on even more life.
  This is YOUR life and i am pretty sure you dont want to spend it hating yourself, hating your body, thinking about death and living by a set of rules and restrictions. There is more to life than that.
  However, its not enough for me to say any of it... its not enough for me to tell you that it will get better. Or tell you that you arent fat or wont be fat. Or to tell you that its worth it... this is something you need to experience yourself. You need to FIGHT FOR YOURSELF. For your life.

Life isnt easy, nobody has ever said its easy and right now it could be GODDAMN AWFUL. Everything could be awful, i get that. But you can still survive it. Sometimes you just have to take one moment at a time.
   But just thinking of death and how you want to end it all, why not think HOW CAN I CHANGE IT ALL? How can you change your situation? Sometimes it just takes a moment, a change of your mind to change everything. Other times it takes weeks, months, years for things to change... i.e maybe you live in an awful household and for things to get better you need to mov out. That might not be possible right away, but have it as your goal then to move out. Or to change school etc

Take one step at a time. Things wont ever get better by starving yourself or running away from the problem. Especially not when the problem is in your head.

You need to face the problems. And find a way to cope with whatever it is you are feeling.... anxiety, panic, guilt, tiredness, sadness etc
  DO TALK TO SOMEONE. OR WRITE A LETTER OR SOMETHING, But communicate your feelings to someone. They can help you, they can support you. They cant do the fighting for you, but they can support you. Help you set up a strategy.... this can be the hardest step of all, admitting you need help or even asking for help. Talking about your problems. But this is a very important step. You cant and shouldnt suffer in silence.

Here are some helpful posts:

I know many people are also struggling with the weight gain and it going to your belly... this is hard but you have to realise its not the end of the world. Your body NEEEDS fat on their stomach. There is absaloutly nothing wrong with that.
You cant let that define you, just like your weight... there is more to life than that,  Nobody else cares or thinks about your stomach, they see YOU. They look at your face and see your personality, not your stomach. And everyone bloats, has stomach fat etc dont compare yourself to models and pictures of people in magazines because thats all photoshop and certain lighting.

Find your motivation and most important dnot give up!! Think of what you are giving up on, what you could be missing out on. There is so much more to life than what you are going throug hnow - whatever your struggles are. You need to get past these struggles and know that there is more out there... you can turn your life around, do things you want to do and live a life you love.

Turn your life around and make a change, even if its scary it can lead to better things.


Birthdays... ive always hated them even when i was younger. For most of my life i would end up sitting and crying/being sad or just avoiding everyone in my room. I hated birthday parties.. i hated having the focus on me. And that still sort of remains, i dont like being in the spotlight.
  But today my family have agreed to give me an hour in the morning where i can just eat breakfast, get ready etc and then they're going to bring me cake :) And then im going to my favourite place - the gym and then brunch with my family :):)
  Sounds like a super day and birthday to me :):)

And just because its my birthday..... some photos from the past year ;)

Time to stop being ego-istic, hahahah, and start to get ready for my day!!! :)

Have a lovely Sunday everyone and dont forget, its the first of advent today as well!