Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Thursday, October 9, 2014

Some food thoughts

This morning when i was making breakfast i caught myself thinking... normal/intuitive eating is so strange. Because it varies so much.... this morning i wanted my oatmeal topped with quark mixed with yoghurt (not milk)... sounds strange but i love this combination. And also i wanted half an orange... not the whole orange but a half. And i found it so strange, why did i only want a half`?But after i had eaten my breakfast with the 1/2 orange i was super full it was like i couldnt eat anymore... nope, i wouldnt even have been able to fit in that other half orange (though im most probably so full because every morning i have to drink 2 glasses of water just to swallow all my pills. sounds like i take drugs -_- i dont.)
    But it seems that my eye measurements fit very well with my stomach size. This of course is something which i have grown to learn.... i dont question the portion sizes i take... not even if i pile my plate high with food or i just fill half a bowl with yoghurt and berrries. That is what i want in the moment. I dont follow a plan so its not like i have to take 3dl yoghurt each time i take yoghurt. Sometimes i just take a little, sometimes i take alot. And there is no right or wrong about it.

Ive also been thinking about how i eat in a day. How free it is... i.e if i were to write down everything i ate then i would definitely forget about the handfuls or nuts i might eat while preparing dinner or while making a snack. Or the 1/2 crisp bread i might munch on just because. Or the cookie or the fruit which i take in class because the teacher gave it to us..... those things i just dont think about. Not that i think about food so much in general, but they are just things that happen. I dont analyze, count down or remember every calorie i eat.
    Which then brings me to my next point. When i had my dietician count out how much i ate from jsut what i wrote down (with eye measurements as i couldnt be bothered to weigh food or measure it) then it came to about 2700kcal a day.... but if im honest. Im sure i eat more than that somedays... because somedays the handful of nuts pile up and at the end of the day become 5 handfuls of nuts as well as all my other meals, this isnt something that bothers me. Just a reflection.
  And normal people do this... they taste food while cooking, they snack while making a snack (?), they take an apple or chocolate bar on the go without thinking about it.

Ive had many people email me and tell me they are triggered because their friends or family dont eat alot. But the truth is... you dont know everything they eat.
   Ive recently been watching a show called secret eaters. (I DONT reccommend this show if you are triggered by food/food shows/numbers/calores/weight etc) And from the peoples food diaries where they write down what they eat and a dietician calculates it and it becomes roughly 1500-2000kcal for the person and then when they film the persons eating behaviour - everywhere they go for 5 days and calculate how much they eat it becomes anywhere from 3500-5000kcal they eat per day. But they think they eat very little.... (Bare with me when i gather my thoughts :))
  Ive written before saying that people actually eat more than they think they do... or that they dont eat as much as they could. Because some people religiously eat 1400kcal per day whilst others think they eat 1500 and actually eat 2500.
  But this shows that you can actually eat alot more than you think.....  That people DO eat more than what YOU think they do. So DONT compare yourself to others... but also remember everyone needs different amounts of energy.
  Im pretty sure if someone else ate exactly how i ate (i dont even know how i exactly eat?!Haha) then there weight might not be very stable because how i eat is for me and my body.
In recovery i would always look at what others eat thinking, wow they ate such a little lunch, why im i eating so much? But its all about context... you dont know whether the person just ate at a breakfast buffet and isnt hungry or is doing some silly diet or is feeling sick or whatever. Or maybe that person will go home and make themselves 4 sandwiches and some crisps? So dont look at just one meal or 3 meals and compare yourself with others! Different bodies. Different energy needs.

(I am so sorry for this rambling post, it was 6.30am and i was trying to gather my thoughts - write something understandable with a point.... i dont think i managed so well! ) haha


  1. It was perfectly understandable, don't worry! ;)

  2. I LOVE "The Secret Eaters"!!! :D
    And I find intuitive eating so mind blowing. It's amazing how if we hone in on what our body wants and needs, then we shouldn't have to worry about how we weigh! :]

  3. I think that what are you saying is something very important. In fact I have the problem that I always compare my friends/brothers/parents plate with mine, because I'm always scared that i 'm eating way to much than others...
    I would love to start eating intuitive eating and stop following a meal plan, but my parents don't want. I would like to be free to choose what to have for lunch, and how much have it. For example I always avoid to have morning snack as my friends at school, because it is not in my meal plan, and I know that if I eat it I will have to eat my normal big lunch anyway! I think that this is stopping me to be completely free...

  4. I love this post and it is something I have to remind myself often. Funnily enough, all the overweight people I know seem to eat so little, yet all the healthy weight/leaner people I know eat a lot! My Dad can eat a whole block of chocolate in a day! Impressive! But I struggle when I'm at uni, or lately someone keeps saying it on a Youtube vlog I watch where they will say 'I haven't had time to eat or day', or 'I've just had soup today' or something like that, and then I get sad because i think, well I've had all this stuff. But you're right, it's all contextual. Tomorrow they will probably feel extra hungry and eat more. And I LOVE the show Secret Eaters. It's the only 'dieting' show I actually don't find triggering, I think it's hilarious! All these people saying 'yes, we eat very healthy' and then they are just eating all this junk!

  5. I just dropped by the comment section because I wanted to express how I LOVE that word 'munch'! Gosh, it's just perfect ♥
    - Fanatic language analyzer and unlicenced grammar priest

  6. It was perfectly understandable. Don't worry :) and I agree with what you said. People are all so different and shouldn't compare their food to others.

  7. This is brilliant Izzy, thank you :) as I think that unfortunately, intuitive/normal eating is something that I still struggle with... I know myself that I analyse everything I eat, and that I am still a little afraid to go over what I have on my meal plan - I think that the thought of eating more than I usually do in a day is still rather strange and a little unnerving, to me. If someone offered me a chocolate or something I WOULD take it - when I had my ED, I wouldn't have - but as I do so I've made a mental note of it and I do sometimes feel tempted to have one less piece of chocolate later on, since I've had one just then... then later on I realise how silly that really is. I wish I could just flick a switch, and to suddenlt become completely normal, and be able to eat "normally", but it really isn't quite that easy, as I am sure we all know. xxx