Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Thursday, October 9, 2014

Long, chaotic day.

*'Negative text... but i feel i just need to write everything out... i promise to not be so negative anymore... or not so often anyway!*

At the moment i dont even feel like getting into my day.... its just been one big mess. A mess of stress and anxiety and feeling like i cant do anything. Cant do anything anymore... a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. Wanting to give up.
  Too often recently i have been telling myself that I cant. Though that word shouldnt even be in my vocabularly.. how many times have i thought or said i cant. Only to prove myself and others wrong.... I know i can... it just doesnt feel like it right now.
 Right now i feel like i just want to throw all my books and papers in the air and turn my back from them and walk away. But that wont solve anything either...

After my school day had finished i sat in the library for 90 minutes working through a few school assignments... feeling like i have control over things. But the next minute it feels like i have i have no control over things again.... I do feel that the stress is taking its toll on me. Its a constant inner stress... no amount of relaxation works. Its just how my mind works... i really do think i need to start meditating or something. Finding a focus on something else. Because my mind just keeps telling me i cant. And it makes me more stressed when i keep hearing in my head that i cant do things... that i wont be able to do them. Instead i need to work on my inner peace, relaxation and focus again.

When i was done studying and packing up my things, ready to go home - at 4.10 pmi get a mail from a teacher with some negative news. (Nothing related to grades or anything like that) just news that is pretty much gonna f**k things up for me and adds alot of stress to my already stressful life.

Felt pretty low on the way home. Just wanted to give up on everything....Though im now going to stop my negativity. Ive gotten a chance to write out all my thoughts in my head... sort of.  And instead im going to put on my pyjamas, eat my delicious snack (coming up in a little while), watch a series and then have a mini spa night for myself!!! very much needed.

I am SOOO sorry for my negativity and stress recently. I try to avoid it, but sometimes i feel like i will burst if i dont write out my thoughts and i much prefer writing online than in my diary, hahah!

*'I also just realised i should look at my previous post, hahaah!!! Follow my own posts and advice :)



4 comments:

  1. Tycker det är bra att du är ärlig, skriver av dig! Tycker mera om såna bloggar, de är mera personliga än de som lossas vara lyckliga dag till natt. Du är ju en person som oss alla, vi har känslor. Och jag tror det hjälper många här också att de vet att de inte är ensamma om att må dåligt, stressa eller så. Kram, ett hemmaspa låter perfekt! Ska också fixa nåt liknande :)

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  2. I think a little negativity is actually a good idea. I mean that's life. It doesn't always turn out the way you want, people have down times, stress is involved etc. That's real. Of course not too much, but you already know that and are aware of this ;) So don't worry about a little negativity on your blog.
    It WILL be ok! I know it seems nearly impossible (I'm in pretty much the same situation as you) but in the end it will be worth it! Meditating may actually help. It will help stay calm and think more rationally, reduce stress etc.
    Sending you HUGS!! :)
    Olivia

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