Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Saturday, October 25, 2014

Healthy while underweight?

I often get asked whether a person really needs to gain the last few kilo or whether they have to be a healthy/normal weight to be declared healthy. Why cant they stay underweight... because they like the way they look? Im sure many might recognize that type of thinking.

i used to think that way as well. When i was struggling with trying to gain the last few kilo, not even trying to gain weight because i was scared. I thought i would be fat, that i would hate myself. I was scared to let go. I was still controlling my food, i still had fear foods. I didnt want to gain weight. This is a bit i wrote from a post back then:

So why? and again Why.... does Mando care so much about the number on the scale... it doesnt make me any healthier becase i weigh 3kg more..
  the fact is... i know i will feel shit.. ok, im not being a so good role model at the moment... but im just a person.. this is my feelings and thoughts.
  And i know that i will mentally feel worse if i gain 3 more kilo...  i dont know.. i dont know what to do...?

But the truth is.... That those last few kilo made a difference to my mental state. It gave me extra energy, it helped me fight my mental thoughts. It helped me overcome my fears, it helped me overcome my fear foods. It helped me learn to accept my body, to love my body. I had energy to do the thing which i love - exercise and to become stronger.
    I thought i would be fat, that i would hate myself. I didnt want to let go of my ED i didnt want to be normal. But i did let go and i felt better. Granted, i might not have liked my body everyday. I did struggle at times... at times i didnt like what i saw in the mirror but i had more energy and i was stronger so i could fight those thoughts. Instead of resorting to starvation i would eat something extra and know that those thoughts would go away becaus e i was stronger than the voice in my head.

So if you think that you can be underweight and still be healthy - you are wrong. You are compromising with your eating disorder. you arent letting your ED go.... you are just trying to make ti easier for you. Which isnt what you should do. Instead you need to make things uncomfortable for you, you need to face the anxiety, do things that scare you.
  Some people are naturally very thin and underweight and maybe you were one of those... but forget about that. Because after you have an eating  disoder you NEED to be a healthy weight c.a BMI 19+ you cant be underweight. Your body neeeds to be a healthy weight, have energy to function properly to repair itsself. So if you were naturally underweight or lower weight before your ED... well who cares. So was I..... i had never been a normal BMI in my life until after i was declared healthy from anorexia. I had always been underweight and struggled with my weight growing up. But that doesnt matter because weight and BMI shouldnt matter when you are healthy... not whether my BMI is 20 or 22 i dnot know, but what matters is that i am happy and healthy, that i have energy and can live my life.

You need to let go of numbers, let go of the scale and STOP compromising with your ED. Ask yourself why being a certain BMI or weight is so important? Nobody else knows your mass or BMI so what should it matter... why is it so important to be underweight... does it make you a better person? No it doesnt... so stop aiming for underweight. Think of what you are putting your body through.

TO be healthy, you also need a healthy weight and if you cant accept that then you cant have a very healthy mind either.


  1. this is so true. i think the hardest thing to do is let go of the unhealthy mindset. when i realised i had an ED and I started to eat "normally" again, I gained some weight. and i was convinced it was enough, and of course, i didn't want to gain anymore..i felt happy enough with my body. and i suppose i thought too, that i was naturally "petite", and that there wasn't anything wrong with that.
    but i knew i still had some silly habits, and that there were days when i resorted to ed type behavior...but i thought this was ok too. i was too happy to care. i thought i was over my ed, since i had gained some weight.
    but then, I hurt my foot and ended up in the doctors...and have been told i am still very underweight, my bmi is too low and that i need to up my food intake, limit my exercise and gain weight. that the reason my foot wont heal by itself is that i have a fragile bone structure for being too thin.
    i am so disheartened and upset by this, and i hate myself for being so stupid and not realising before now that i hadn't gained enough. i am now using this as another way to motivate myself now, to put on more weight and NOT be underweight anymore, that i will be able to walk again properly and to have a healthy, strong body. i guess i fooled myself into thinking i was fine... i never got sick, i felt so energetic in comparism to the way i used to be. but i was so very wrong and i realise that now with regret. :( xxx

    1. <3<3 You CAN gain the weight, you just have to fight the voice in your head. Remind yourself that you need to gain weight and that nothing bad will happen if you gain weight. Stay strong hunny!

    2. :) thanks so much izzy <3 and for the countless emails

  2. Thanks for this great post. Since months I try to argue myself to gain the last kilos for a healthy weight but I stopped. I am scard.... really scared. For me it seems like the end of the world.... stupid, isn't it?

    Hugs from Germany :)

    1. Dont worry its not stupid, its what your ED tells you. But you need to realise that being underweight wont make you happier... you arent letting go of your ED. You are just compromisnig. But to fully recover you do need to let go of all of those fears and gain the weight you need to. Nothing bad will happen, it will just help your health.
      So try to overcome and face those fears!! Give it a try... and what i was told in recovery was that if i dont like it... i can always lose the weight again, which is true. Though if you are truly recovered you wont feel the need to lose the weight!

  3. Hello!
    I've been recovered now almost half a year, but I'm so angry to my nurse who said me that I'm okay and healthy with a bmi ~17.8 and that I don't need to go the weight-ins and doctor appointments anymore. Even I myself know better how to recover than she knows.. She left me alone when I still was not okay! Of course I didn't say anything to her back then, 'cause I was sick and thought like ''yeaah I'm okay now, everythings fine'' but now that I'm healthy I would love to tell her that she was so wrong.. and I hope that she won't do the same mistake with somebody else.. :( She also told me to recover with 2000 kcal 'cause she thinks that it is normal to eat that amount daily. no no no.. not even close enough..! But now all I can say that I'm happy that I found YOUR and Amalie's (amaliee) ig and decided to do realrecovery with LOTS of food.. Now I'm healthy and NORMALweight and VERY HAPPPY! thank you so much <3 sorry if my english is bad.. I hope you understood :-)

    1. Ohhh that doesnt not sound like a good nurse at all :( Those types of people make me so mad... because having an underweight is not healthy and its important to havea healthy weight, no matter who you are. But i am SO HAPPY and PROUD of you that you decided to do a real recovery with enough food and to gain the weight :) I hope you are also feeling mentally healthy now as well :):)
      You are awesome!! (And i hope you dont find my IG triggering... thats why i dont post it here as i know it can be for many who are in recovery.)

  4. Could you tell me your ig?? I won't find it triggering. I follow other ig accounts and they always give me inspiration!! :) in a good way

    1. Email me, as i dont want to post it here ;)

  5. Hello, this is so helpful. What does IG stand for?

    1. Im glad you found it helpful :) IG stands for Instagram :)