All my life i have been the skinny girl who has needed to gain weight, and i have been told over and over while growing up To eat more, to eat that chocolate bar, take that extra portion... I was allowed dessert while my siblings werent, i was too have extra whipped cream and ice cream on hot chocolate, i always got the last muffin, the last chicken piece etc etc
And believe it or not, i hated it!! The amount of arguments i had with my dad because he always made me eat that eextra serving, eat the last bit of food while everyone else - myself included was full. And this was BEFORE i even had an eating disorder.
My friends, and my older sister were jealous of me because my mum and dad were practically throwing ice cream and chinese food at me.. telling me to eat more. Whilst i hated it... so actually, not eating was almost a rebellion. At the time that my ED began i was rebelling, i didnt want my CF so i stopped taking my medicines in order to be normal, and also i ate less, in order to be normal and like eveyrone else... and that lead to a whole load of problems, and the more problems that arose, the more i began to control food as a way to control my life. I had alot going on at that time and i was only 11... but also i got food comments.
There is one comment which i remember so clearly.. it burns in my heart each time i think of it, and makes me angry.
In school we always brought our own lunch, and i often had a sandwich with me. And that day my mum had packed one of those baguette type breads, and i admit it was a BIG piece of bread, but i was going to eat half (or as much as i wanted/could eat anyway) for lunch, and then the rest on the way home. But my teacher came up to me and asked me, if i was really going to eat that much... that i didnt need it.
Saying that to an already skinny girl just shocks me. That was the beginning of me skipping my lunches, and i was only 11 at the time. And that sprialled to me over the years eating next to nthing and my eating disorder evolving.
Soo... onto the actual topic, of how to deal with eating more than others.
I've written about this before, but ill write about it again. In recovery you DO eat more than others... i mean you are trying to gain weight.
It can be triggering as pretty much 50% of society is on some type of diet and trying to lose weight... restricting food, not eating certain products as well. And that can be tough when you need to sit there with your double lunch portion whilst your co worker or friend sits with a salad.
But in the end, You need to eat for your goals. This is something i have learned over time... that Who cares what anybody else is doing, eating or exercising? Think about YOURSELF. Dont compare yourself to others.
You have different height, weight, ages, activity levels, goals, metabolisms... Infact, many people actually undereat, or overeat... they dont have a balance in their life. People are brain washed to eat 1200 kcal a day, but then can end up binging on the weekends eating 3000/4000kcal... but if they just had a balance all the time, that wouldnt happen. Mnay people dont realise how much they can eat without gaining weight... though of course, everyone is different. Im not saying everyone can eat 2500 and not gain weight, but i mean most people should be able to eat around the 2000kcal mark without gaining weight, but many female anyway, eat way less than that.
Focus on yourself... WHAT IS YOUR GOAL? You want and need to gain wieght... so is eating salad and tiny portions going to help you do that? Are you going to follow some diet just because your friend is doing it aswell?
Or are you going to fill your plate with delicious food and know that this is what your body needs, and not feel guilty about it... infact, your friends/family will most probably feel jealous...
Most people would love to be told they can eat as much as they want... though i know from experience, that when you're told that, its not as fun as it seems. When you know you can eat everything and anything, you dont actually want to do it.
Its like reverse psychology, you want what you cant have?`When you can eat everything and loads, you just want to go on a diet and eat salad. But when you are on a diet all you want is to be told to go to an all you can eat buffet and eat all you want! haha
See food as energy that will HELP you. Its not something to be scared of.. tune out what others are doing. If you find someone trigger FACE THE FEAR. Dont get angry at your friend, just realise that you cant control what others eat and do...
Comments about eating lots... This i know far too well!
Once again, its best to try to tune these comments about. Many people say things wtihout thinking... comment about how much and what you eat. People often focus a little too much attention on what others are eating rather than themselves... If you have ever noticed its the people who go to McDonaldseveryday who comment on people who are vegan or who eat healthy and tell them that they are uynhealthy.
Its a sort of coping mechanism... you dont want to focus your attention on yourself, so you focus it on someone else. And most people often think they are right, they know best...
One thing which i hate is when people comment and tell me to either eat more(?), or eat less (?). Unless someone eats all their meals with me, then they have no right to comment. Because they have no idea what i ate...
Ex. Say if i post one of my dinner pictures on here and i just eat a chicken salad and get comments that i dont eat carbohydrates... well, you dont really know whetjher i just ate a loaf of bread before or a whole chocolate bar, or just dont want any carbs for my meal....
Just like if i were to eat 3 plates at a buffet and someone comments and tells me i eat alot, they dont know whether i just ran a marathon, or havent eaten the whole day etc...
Best way to deal with comments... either talk to the person if its someone close. Or if its someone who you know, but not that well... explain to them. Ex. if someone asks why you eat vegetarian, or why you are eating so much... tell them you are hungry, or why you eat vegetarian. You dont have to be rude... but it can be better to confront the person, instead of just sitting there and thinking about the comment all the time.
This post is getting long, so im going to cut it here... but just FOCUS ON YOURSELF. NOT ON OTHERS.
Know that what and how much you are eating is for YOUR sake. And so what if someone eats breakfast and then doesnt eat again for dinner... feel sorry for those people who forget to eat, or just eat cereal for breakfast and then dont eat again for the next 6 hours.
Thats the way THEY eat. You dont have to eat that way. Dont focus on them, focus on yourself and your own diet. And face the triggers and anxiety, there is no other way around it.
People eat differently and you cant control that.