Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

Translate

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Do i ever wish to be skinnier again?

A question which i have been asked recently is whether i ever wish to be skinnier again.... and this question is hard to answer. Or not really because 98% of the time i would say no. I would never wish to go back to how i was before, look how i did before.
  But then there is that 2% of the time. That 2% which is the days when i feel really low or have very bad body image days. Or even some days when i see a photo of me and just feel repulsed, think to myself...is this how i look`? Somedays when i feel very low and self conscious i want to shrink back to that skinny girl i was before... i miss the skinny arms, the skinny legs etc
  But those are days when im feeling low. Feeling sad and just disliking my appearance. Those thoughts dont last more than a few hours or a few days at most. But its never something i act upon because i know truthfully... no matter how decieving some pictures may look. I know i wasnt happy.
  I felt fat even when i was skinny. I disliked myself but also i looked the way i looked because of unhealthy behaviours. This is something which cant be forgotten.
  Of course, its in my genes that i am tall and skinny. Ive been that way all my life, and because of my CF its harder for me to gain weight - but not impossible. So all my life, apart from when i recovered from my eating disorder i had been on the border of, or underweight.
   
I can find sometimes i look at myself now and can either think i am too big. My arms and legs too big and other times i look at myself and think i am still so skinny? How have i changed at all in the past 2 years.
   
Its a difficult thing with body image, the way you look at yourself. Because in a matter of minutes you can go from feeling ok in your body to suddenly having fat feelings and feeling like you want to crawl out of your skin. Anything to escape and leave your body.
  But you need to be able to cope with those feelings... not let your body image ruin your day or life.

I am 98% happy with my body and body image. I wouldnt want to go back to before or be skinnier. I like the way i look, im happy in my body.
  But we all have what we consider imperfections and things we would like to change about ourselves. But we cant focus on those things, we need to focus on the positives even if its that you only like your body and body image 51% and  dislike yourself with the other 49%.... then focus on that 51% and know that someday you might love yourself 53% and dislike yourself that little bit less.
   
Dont focus on the negatives and dont focus on skinny, focus on health.




2 comments:

  1. Yes you are right we must focus on our health rather than thinking about other things and negative thoughts.
    Is this you in the pics.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You must be happy with your body you looks amazing.
    but you must keep continue doing exercise workouts. healthy living should be our goal

    ReplyDelete