Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Monday, October 13, 2014

Diary post - if only it was as easy as 'just eat'

I dont know why i started counting calories. why i care about my weight. why im scared to go up in weight. i dont know what happened to make me like this.

but what i know... is that its not as simple to get out of. i have to change completely. i need to change my thoughts. stop listening to them. but all the time, im being shouted at - Your fat. your ugly. your useless. nobody loves you. your better off dead. dont you see how ugly you are. how nobody wants to be with you. your a depressed stupid girl, nobody loves you. nobody has time for you. your selfish adn stupid.
   imagine hearing that allday. jsut being shouted at you.
  of course... it does mute sometimes. sometimes when i feel good, feel i have htestrength to not listen, to push the thoughts away. then it quietens. if only a little bit.
   I need to do everything i dont want to do. go against myself. i need to sit still when i jsut want to go running, i need to eat when thats the very last thing i want to do.
  i want toshut myself away in a corner, a black corner and not eat. feel the hunger in my stomach.

It sounds weird and fucked up.

Why cant i jsut eat. just enjoy food? i mean, its not that hard, is it?

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