Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.
I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.
I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Afternoon snacks and thoughts from yesterday (and also advice about exercise addiction)
After 2,5 hours studying at the library this made the perfect snack: quark mixed with lactose free yoghurt, raisins, nuts, 2 boiled eggs, 1/2 orange (ate the other half before lunch) and coffee!
I thought i would also share some thoughts which i had yesterday.
Yesterday i spent the whole day doing test and i had a 65 minute break where i went to the shop and bought myself lunch (sallad with my favourite combination of avocado, sundried tomatoes, chicken, falafels and cottage cheese) and then went back to the school and ate lunch in a crowded room. I sat on my own and enjoyed my delicious lunch. But while eating i got struck with thoughts of, I remember the time when this would have been impossible for me. If i was on my own i wouldnt eat. If i had lunch or a snack with me i would have thrown it away and used the hour to go walking...
Infact i wouldnt even have been able to do the tests because 1)I wouldnt have had the concentration or energy for it but 2) I would have gotten too much anxiety and guilt over all the hours spent sitting. When i was sick i had a huge problem with sitting and resting... A problem which i have noticed more and more people emailing me about.
People feeling guilty and anxious about having to sit in school or when travelling etc
But i can tell you its nothing to worry or feel anxious about. When you are a healthy weight and go to school/work etc then you will have more activity in your life and you can choose whether you want to exercise or not. But being scared of sitting is not healthy... its not normal.
Spending time standing all day - i used to do that. And that has lead to knee and back pain and worsened my genetic hip pain as i used to stand really weird as my legs were tired.
I never really knew why i was so scared of sitting or resting.. it was just something that my ED told me that i couldnt/wasnt allowed to do it.
But it was such a sick behaviour and the only way i really got over my obsessive exercise was to be admitted as an inpatient where i was forced to sit and had to be in a wheel chair so that i wouldnt move anywhere.
I wish i could give you some miracle advice or tips but the only advice i can give is that you have to realise that sitting and resting is not a bad thing. You have to face the anxiety of resting... know that nothing bad will happen to your body. That you are just stressing your body with all the exercise... and what happens if you will very badly injure yourself i.e you back/hip/knees and no longer be able to walk or stand properly... do you want it to go that far?
You need to face the problem head on because it wont get better by listening to the voice in your head and exercising each time you get anxiety.
Instead find a hobby or something you can do by sitting and resting. Its the only way....
Unless you want to live your life with an obsession and addiction to exercise and not being able to travel, spend time with friends or family or sleep somewhere else because then you cant stand/obsessively exercise.
But back to my main point... while sitting and eating lunch i felt this happiness over how far i have come. Of course its been 2 years since i was declared healthy and i have eaten lunch on my own numerous times and i live a healthy life with balance. But sometimes you just get flashbacks of how it was before and you realise how far you have come. And how happy you are that you made the decision to change :):)
^^I remember this photo so well because we were on our way out and my sister told me to sit on that chair thing so she could take a photo and it took her 5 minutes to get me to actually sit down because i was so scared and 2 seconds after the picture was taken i was back on my feet...the anxiety and panic rising in me because i was forced to sit for 2 seconds.
^¨Trying to pretend im happy after my 3rd walk that day in the freezing cold.
^¨The PURE and TRUE happiness after a 10km run!!!!
^¨Enjoying resting and having a photo taken of me :):)