Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, October 8, 2014

After the storm comes the sun

Where do i even begin with this day??
  Well really... it all begins yesterday evening. Getting a mail from a teacher telling us that we have until Friday evening to write an essay about the topic we are doing. I got this email at 9pm Tuesday evening and i began panicking. I already have a swedish and religion essay im writing. My project work which requires alot of research and writing, my science project work & 2 lab reports and not to mention my maths homework. So i already have alot on my plate and feel like just crawling into a ball and refusing to get up.
  I am also someone who once i get an assignment wants to begin on it right away. But i realised that i didnt have the material (i.e my book) needed to start writing.  So i was left with lots of anxiety and just tossed and turned all night, couldnt fall asleep because of the anxiety.

When i woke up the anxious knot was still in my stomach, but felt super hungry so made myself a big breakfast.

  The raining was pouring down in floods and my energy, mood, motivation was at -10. On the way to school i Googled the symptoms of S.A.D as i have pretty much self diagnosed myself with it and i actually have all these symptoms each witner/autumn/spring. (Though it varies sometimes i lose my appetite and lose weight due to stress or its like now... i just feel really hungry... dont know if ive gained weight though. Not so concerned about that.)

  • Less energy.
  • Trouble concentrating.
  • Fatigue.
  • Greater appetite.
  • Increased desire to be alone.
  • Greater need for sleep.
  • Weight gain.

Though the only real treatment for S.A.D is light therapy or anti.depressants if its really bad. Not sure if i am actually going to talk to a doctor about this and maybe get an official diagnosis.. but i just feel like. What would it matter if i got diagnosed or not - if i do have it. Though this is something i have experienced for the past 3 years and the first year i experienced these feelings when it came to autumn i relapsed, the second year i became super depressed and considered commiting suicide and last year these feelings and thoughts made me feel depressed, want to give up on life and i even lost weight as i lost my appetite. I am aware that this happens each time the autumn and winter starts rolling in, but still... i cant seem to stop it. No amount of positive thinking helps.... but i do admit, the sunshin and working out are the only things which are helping my mood/energy/humor at the moment.

But i digress.... lots of school work today, little concentration. And after school i stayed for 90 minutes where i did homework and did soem editing of work and answered emails... only 2 emails in my inbox now. haha #relief

And when i came home i made myself a super yummy snack (which will be posted in my next post... i.e the one above this :) hahaha)!
And now i am just going to watch series.... wrap myself in a big blanket, drink some tea and try to unwind and relax and let go of the anxiety and stress which is inside of me. Tomorrow is a new day. Like i mentioned above at the moment i have very little motivation and life and stress is just getting me down... but i want to try to get out in nature as soon as i can. Spend time in day light and relax and de stress! Those things are much needed in my life right now :)


  1. FY!!! Låter inte kul.. vet hur jobbigt depression är.. Hoppas du verkligen hittar en väg ut ur det, eller något som lindrar. Kanske prata med någon eller göra nåt som får tankarna bort, som får dig att le och komma ihåg hur lycklig du är eller hur fint livet kan vara ibland. Det är trist att tiderna blir så mörka och gråa, man blir automatiskt mera nedstämd och hålls inomhus så mycket som möjligt, har du prövat på D-vitamin som tillskott? Annors skickar jag styrkekramar, du kommer klara det, vi tänker på dig och du är inte ensam <3

  2. I'm so sorry you are feeling like this right now :( Even though it's pretty sunny here (note I actually wish it were colder like in Russia&Sweden for example, more fall-like weather) Lately I've been very stressed too with school, trying to socialize and make friends, catching up with school as I started late, moving. I had lots of anxiety a few days ago. And it's weird one time it happened when we were unpacking the car and nothing wrong was happening. Maybe because it was the day before my first day in school. So had to go to my room and lie on the floor and just breathe and cry. It can get really hard so I know what you mean.
    Maybe going to a doctor will help in a way, maybe there's something else that can help you though I don't know. Try treating yourself more and relaxing, listening to good music, series etc. and think rationally. I know you've heard all this a million times but just a little reminder :)it will be ok and summer will be here sooner or later here.
    Sending you HUGS! (Seriously try picturing me hugging you, maybe it will make you feel better, 'cause seriously if you were next to me I'd comfort you and hug you) :)