Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

I am a generally happy girl who loves running, going to the gym and eating food!! Though my life has been very different.
I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia & purging tendencies & over exercising. I was depressed and self harmed. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
After alot of struggles, lots of ups and downs, suicide attempts, tears, anxiety, panic and never thinking i would be healthy.
I am now declared healthy from anorexia nervosia.

I have been blogging for 4 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I am happy and healthy and living my life. Going to school, meeting friends and trying to find myself in this world.

I write about my daily life, but also try to write posts about how it was when i was sick, advice and tips.
I am open and friendly, so dont be scared about writing a post or sending me an email at:


Saturday, October 25, 2014

4,5 hours of tests

Its been 3 hours since my last test finished and my brain has only just begun to function again, so i thought i would write a post now before my brain decides to slow down for the evening again, or before i fall asleep!
Today my thoughts during the test varied from Damn i love this. Tests are fun (??!) to, Why am i doing this to myself... why did i pay to do these tests? And also ranging from... I dont even know anymore, lets just guess to Hell yeah, im great i know all of this.

The tests were hard though im not going to lie... though i still felt quite confident and i didnt feel worried. In total there were 5 tests which were all 55 minutes long and i had 3 Swedish comprehension, word synonyms, english comprehension & 2 maths tests. Between each test you had c.a 10 minutes break which was just spent queuing for the bathroom, taking a gulp of water and then back in again.
  You werent allowed any drink or water on the table so my throat felt like sandpaper alot of the time as i wasnt drinking any water. Also by 12.30 during my third test and before lunch i felt like my brain just shut off all i had eaten was breakfast at 6.30am and had quickly eaten a questbar and drank bcaas during a 10 minute break but my mind just wasnt getting the energy it needed after almost 3 hours of concentrating and tests.
  So when it came to lunch time i was so happy!! And went to the shop to but myself some lunch... however when i sat down and was taking things out of my bag i realised my water bottle had opened and everything was wet... and i had no more water as there was no where to fill a water bottle :( That was pretty much the worst bit of the day if im honest.

After lunch feeling energized and refreshed it was time for 2 more tests. There were moments when i looked at the clock and just felt tired, just wanted to go home and wondered what i was doing there, sitting doing tests all day. But the fact that you only had 55 minutes for 40 questions (i.e 200 questions in total) it meant that you had little time to think of other things than what you were working on. You had c.a 1-2  minutes per question. However i felt that my mind wandered alot during the test... sometimes i had to regin in all my thoughts again, remind myself to focus on what i was doing. That was mainly for the readin questions though... for the maths and english i had 110% focus!!!
The day passed quickly and i can now say that i have done these tests and i think i get results within 2-4 weeks, so sort of nervous :) Not sure how i have done... either really well or like my maths test last year when i thought i did ok but it actually didnt go that well.... :/

When i came home feeling tired and hungry my mum told me she had put chicken in the oven for me and even bought me chocolate :) A new chocolate which i havent tried before ;);)
  This week ive realised that i have actually eaten chocoalte everyday... hahaha Its just so delicious though :) Anywhere from 2 pieces to 4 rows of chocolate per day ;);)
   Its not like this all the time, infact i didnt even think about it until after i had eaten the chocolate. But nope... no guilt ;);) Chocolate is delicious and sometimes it happens where i eat it more often, there is no harm in that!!

This evening and weekend i am just taking a break from everything . I am looking forward to tomorrow... my first real day off. I want to sleep in, workout, then work on my school project (I find it interesting so i dont see it as school work :) Just research which i enjoy) and then just to watch series and films and do nothing!!! :):)

I am pretty sure i have forgotten 50% of what i was going to write, but thats ok.... My brain and thoughts are sort of like scrambled eggs at the moment :):)

1 comment:

  1. Wow that must have been exhausting. I think they should at least allow students to have water, that's ridiculous to not let people drink water to at least stay hydrated. Oh chocolate with caramel is delicious! It's always nice when someone does something nice for you. I'm not so materialistic but it's still can show a person cares :)