Life without Anorexia
My motto is 'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'
My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.
I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.
I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!
If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Monday, September 22, 2014
When the stress becomes too much
If you've read my blog for a while you will have noticed that i am very sensitive to the weather. If there is changes in the weather i can get headaches, when its grey and cloudy and rainy my mood goes down and i have little energy or motivation for anything. I have pretty much self diagnosed myself with S.A.D. Of course i know you shouldnt self diagnose, but i can see all the symptoms in me and even when i was younger. Maybe i will go to a doctor about it sometime, maybe i need medication or something - though i dont think i even want medication for it.
Today it has been pouring down with rain All day. Non stop. And when i was going from the bus to my school (it takes between 3-5 minutes) it was just pouring down which left my jacket and clothes soaked and i was walking around in wet clothes all day.. i considered skipping my classes just so that i can go home and change. But right now, if i miss one lesson then its like i miss out on LOADS and as i have so many upcoming tests and assignments, missing lessons really isnt an option as i miss out on so much information.
As i contined looking out the window and seeing the rain pour down, wishing for it to stop, the rain seemed to drag my energy and motivation and even coping mechanisms for stress right out the window....
So when my mum picked me up from school (Such perfect timing! She was in town and offered to pick me up as it was raining so much), and i just seemed to break down in the car. Not really sure why... no real trigger to my tears. Just stress.... all these things at once. Wanting a break from everything, but you cant run away from your problems. And in this case, trying to escape isnt the answer either.
But its also the wonder of whats next? Ive spent my whole life studying, in school and it feels like its never ending... like i just spend my day in a building from 8-4 and then go home and open up the same books ive been staring at all day.
Just wondering when things will change, but then there is the fear of change... of what happens next. When there is no longer the comfort of this type of school... however its University that awaits, so i mean there will still be so much studying... and sometimes i guess i just wonder, whats the point? Is this really how i want to live my life.
^¨I can say that this is really true for me... So much all at once, i dont even know what to do! haha. Though its something i have choosen for myself, and im not complaining over that.
I dont want to complain, though it sounds a lot like it. I am merely writing out my thoughts, a way of coping and calming myself down... to write how i feel and what im thinking. And at the moment there is alot in my mind.
Also all this stress is making my body behave in so many ways!!! The extreme bloating im having - yup, walking around looking pregnant (in my eyes anyway!), thats what happens when im stressed. Also i dont eat enough, i lose my apetite, my energy decreases, my mood goes down, i dont sleep as well, LOTS AND LOTS of spots & feeling tired and lots of chocolate cravings. All due to stress.... I know i am no good at coping with stress, Im the type of person who tries to keep it all together until i break down/explode. Take it from me... its not a good coping mechanism.... I am very organized and well planed. But its my mental bit, its my thoughts that mess me up and make me stressed. Because really, i am in control of everything. I am in control of my school work, my emails, my blog and everything else... but its my head that tells me im not.
Now i need to log off and take an actual break, to escape my thoughts for a little while via some series watching :)
I try to avoid negativity on my blog, but sometimes its unavoidable.