Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email: lifewithoutanorexia@hotmail.com

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Monday, September 22, 2014

When the stress becomes too much

If you've read my blog for a while you will have noticed that i am very sensitive to the weather. If there is changes in the weather i can get headaches, when its grey and cloudy and rainy my mood goes down and i have little energy or motivation for anything. I have pretty  much self diagnosed myself with S.A.D. Of course i know you shouldnt self diagnose, but i can see all the symptoms in me and even when i was younger. Maybe i will go to a doctor about it sometime, maybe i need medication or something - though i dont think i even want medication for it.

Today it has been pouring down with rain All day. Non stop. And when i was going from the bus to my school (it takes between 3-5 minutes) it was just pouring down which left my jacket and clothes soaked and i was walking around in wet clothes all day.. i considered skipping my classes just so that i can go home and change. But right now, if i miss one lesson then its like i miss out on LOADS and as i have so many upcoming tests and assignments, missing lessons really isnt an option as i miss out on so much information.
  As i contined looking out the window and seeing the rain pour down, wishing for it to stop, the rain seemed to drag my energy and motivation and even coping mechanisms for stress right out the window....
  So when my mum picked me up from school (Such perfect timing! She was in town and offered to pick me up as it was raining so much), and i just seemed to break down in the car. Not really sure why... no real trigger to my tears. Just stress.... all these things at once. Wanting a break from everything, but you cant run away from your problems. And in this case, trying to escape isnt the answer either.
 But its also the wonder of whats next? Ive spent my whole life studying, in school and it feels like its never ending... like i just spend my day in a building from 8-4 and then go home and open up the same books ive been staring at all day.
  Just wondering when things will change, but then there is the fear of change... of what happens next. When there is no longer the comfort of this type of school... however its University that awaits, so i mean there will still be so much studying... and sometimes i guess i just wonder, whats the point? Is this really how i want to live my life.

^¨I can say that this is really true for me... So much all at once, i dont even know what to do! haha. Though its something i have choosen for myself, and im not complaining over that. 

I dont want to complain, though it sounds a lot like it. I am merely writing out my thoughts, a way of coping and calming myself down... to write how i feel and what im thinking. And at the moment there is alot in my mind.
  Also all this stress is making my body behave in so many ways!!! The extreme bloating im having - yup, walking around looking pregnant (in my eyes anyway!), thats what happens when im stressed. Also i dont eat enough, i lose my apetite, my energy decreases, my mood goes down, i dont sleep as well, LOTS AND LOTS of spots & feeling tired and lots of chocolate cravings. All due to stress.... I know i am no good at coping with stress, Im the type of person who tries to keep it all together until i break down/explode. Take it from me... its not a good coping mechanism.... I am very organized and well planed. But its my mental bit, its my thoughts that mess me up and make me stressed. Because really, i am in control of everything. I am in control of my school work, my emails, my blog and everything else... but its my head that tells me im not.

Now i need to log off and take an actual break, to escape my thoughts for a little while via some series watching :)
   
I try to avoid negativity on my blog, but sometimes its unavoidable.

7 comments:

  1. I know exactly how you feel... :(

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  2. I can totally associate with you on this. It's really hard to find a balance but you just have to remember to put your health first and that includes mentally getting enough rest and doing things you enjoy. It's no good getting perfect grades but letting yourself get sick in the process. Most of the time we tend to over-stress about the work and in the end everything will turn out okay. All the studying and university is going to be worth it in the end, you're working towards your future and it's really such a small part of your life. Hope you feel better soon. Hugs **

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  3. I know how you feel. It's very stressful :( since I am also in a similar situation and I bet a lot of others are too here are some good coping mechanisms:
    Go for a walk (if you are allowed to of course, and only if that's what you want to do, not the voice telling you)
    Spend time in nature
    Call a good friend
    Workout (again, ONLY if you are allowed to)
    Write in your journal
    Take a long bath. Putting a few drops of oil in your bath does wonders. This is coming from a person with very dry skin. I tried this once and it really made a difference. Oh and make sure the water is not too hot. It wont benefit your skin.
    Light scented candles
    Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea
    Play or cuddle with a pet
    Work in your garden
    Get a massage
    Curl up with a good book
    Listen to music
    Watch a comedy or any movie really
    Do yoga
    Under eating, not getting enough sleep etc. is not a good idea (sorry, I'm not trying to be rude, I think you realize this yourself) Getting enough sleep and food is extremely important. I have pretty bad coping skills too. I can sometimes lose my appetite but mostly what happens is I take it out on my skin. I have numerous rashes all over my body in addition to dry skin. I am trying very hard to stop but it can be so difficult at times. I try to eat well and enough, get enough sleep, go to the gym to let off steam, take a bath now and then or a cold shower, light candles. If you can't do any of the above at the moment what I suggest and like to do myself is take three deep breathes (I know, I know you here all the time but seriously it can help you), close my eyes and feel everything around you. Hear a the sounds surrounding you, realize how many things you are touching, how the texture feels, any smells etc. thinking positive can help too :)
    I know you've probably heard all this before and numerous times, but actually doing something about it CAN help. You have more control of your life at the moment that you think. *BIG HUG* :) :)
    Olivia

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    1. olivia, this advice is amazing <3 :) i get realy stressed too, especially what with college starting again, but I am definitely going to try some of these mechanisms x

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    2. Awww!! This makes me so happy! :) some of these tips I found online and some I just know. I'm just so glad I can help! :)

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    3. :) they are awesome!! thanks so much! :) <3 x

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  4. Hey, just wanted to say to hang in there as university is not nearly as difficult as school in a lot of ways ,and the fact that you choose what you want to study makes it feel not even like work sometimes because you are genuinely interested in it!
    Coming from someone who hated school and all the stresses of being inside all day and with the same people- I have found even the freedom of walking across campus between lectures to be a great stress relief throughout the day. Also, you are more able to organise your schedule how you want- around the gym, social life etc :) I actually got so stressed out at school, and the last year was absolute torture but now I am so glad I am in university. I'm not saying it is not stressful, because that would be a lie but there is a lot more room to chill out and also be in control of your workload and how you manage your time which I think is a lot better. Just hang in there! x

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