Life without Anorexia

My motto is
'Dont let the sadness of your past & the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present'

My life at the moment is completely different to how it once was. I spent 5 years sick with anorexia nervosia and depression as well as struggling with self harm and overexercising. I spent 2 years in different treatment centres.
And since 2012 i have been declared healthy from my eating disorder.

I have been blogging for 7 years, and my whole journey is written in my posts. I now represent healthy and happiness. I want to show anyone struggling that it is possible to recover, no matter how hard it may seem.

I now blog about recovery, my life, veganism and positivity!

If you have any questions leave them in the comment section as i am much quicker at answering there, otherwise you can always send an email:


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The nation closes it's eyes and turns away

If i could... i wish i could help everyone who is struggling with an ED.  For everyone who Will.
  I wish that there was some type of medicine that could take away the pain, to just make everyone healthy.
But there isnt.

There are so many millions of people who are sick, all over the world. So many people not getting the right care, trying to face this illness on their own. Or being locked up in some psychiatric ward, which really doesnt give a fuck about you, or your health.
   So many people are depressed & self harming. Over exercising. Purging. And they're not getting help.

I mean an eating disorder is an eating disorder. No matter what shape or size.
   I was never the skinniest anorexic, i never had the lowest weight possible (Of course, i was low... way too low for my height and age) i never cut so deep that i had to get stitches, i never exercised so much that i fainted (or i have fainted from exhaustion and all that...) 
  But i was sick... so deathly sick. But yet... in my eyes, i was never sick enough. But thats just Comparison. And you shouldn't compare yourself. 
  You dont have to be deathly thin to be anorexic, you dont have to purge every single day to be classified a bulimic. You dont have to scar your whole body until you get help for self harm... You shouldn't have to try to kill yourself, before you get help for depression.
   But that's the way it seems to be... You have to be seriously sick, noticeably sick to get help. Often they say that the person who is sick has to ask for help, but even when they do that doesn't guarantee help. At times it just makes the person more isolated because they reached out, asked for help but just got shot down. Told they weren't sick enough or didn't need help.

The road to recovery is long and hardAnd there's no easy way about it. You have to fight.
  You cant just sit there and watch and hope... hope isn't enough. Wishing isn't enough. You have to want to get better. You have to do something about it. Others can help, try to motivate you, support you. But the fight and the will comes from you. You cant expect to get better if you everyday, do the same thing.

If everyday you cheat. Or everyday you eat the same thing... they're not good enough. Sure, you follow your meal plan That's a great step. But do you really want to eat the same thing everyday, for the rest of your life? Maybe Ana does, because its a comfort... but do you want to?
  don't you want to try that piece of cake, or try eating pasta or cheese again? Try foods which you haven't eaten in years? that's you who wants to... not Ana. Ana wants to stay in the comfort zone, not eat... and you listen, because you don't want anxiety.
   But Anxiety doesn't kill you. You survive it.

You have to challenge anorexia... to show that you're in control. If Ana says No.. you wont try pasta.. then do. Just because. If Ana says to go running, to burn calories. Keep your bum glued to the chair and just relax, ride the wave of anxiety... its not easy.. trust me, i've been through it. But you will survive it.

If only there was a way to make anorexia/bulimia/EDNOS and all the other ED's just disappear...
  why is there such a fixation with weight, and looking thin?
  Why is everyone trying to be perfect. You cant be perfect, there is no such thing as perfect. Everyone is different and there will always be someone else who you think is better than you. You can't compare yourself, you should just be happy with how you look and who you are.


  1. This is so, so true!! Everything you said I really hope others would understand too. We need to break these ED stereotypes, educate people on mental illnesses in general. I would never wish for something like an ED even upon my worst enemy. No one deserves to suffer like that.
    People need to be aware of all this. You may not even suspect someone has a mental illness because they don't 'fit' the standards or something. A lot of times people don't start worrying until it's gotten really bad, when you've taken it too far. They just ignore the subject. I don't quite understand why. I mean if we are talking health here than it must be something important. Of course sometimes people just don't notice, they don't think about these things which isn't really their fault. But it's better if they knew. But if someone thinks you are not sick enough or don't need help until a certain point, thats BUL**IT!! (Sorry) don't listen to them because no matter how bad you are you deserve help. I promise. I may sound like a hypocrite and I know it's seems nearly impossible to believe, but trust me. You ARE worth life!!
    It would be so great and easy if there was a pill you could take so it would cure your mental illness. But it doesn't work that way, unfortunately. You have to fight!!
    There will always be people who judge and don't want to understand mental illnesses. But I think you are doing your share of helping. Helping not only sufferers but you're also helping people understand mental illnesses more and be more aware. We can't save the whole world, but that doesn't mean we can't do anything at all. In fact one person can do a lot of good and you are a great example! :)